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VICISSITUDES 

IN THE 

WILDERNESS; 

EXEMPLIFIED, 

* IN THE 

JOURNAL/OF 

PEGG^DOW. 

TO WHICH IS ADDED, 
AN APPENDIX OF HER DEATH, 

AND ALSO, 

REFLECTIONS ON MATRIMONY, 

BY LORENZO DOW. 



A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband : but she that maketh 
ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. — Prov. xii. 4. 
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. 

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall 
have no need of spoil. 

She will do him good, and not evil, all the days of her life.— Prov, 
xxxi. 10, 11, 12. 



FIFTH EDITION. 



Jiortotcli, <&o\m. 

PRINTED BY WILLIAM FAULKNER, 



1833. 



BX 



%* Copy right secured. 




VICISSITUDES, 



I was born in the year 1780, in Granville, Massaehu- 
-setts ; of parents that were strangers to God ; although, 
my father was a member of the church of England 5 
and my mother had been raised by pious parents of the 
Presbyterian order. But, whether she had any sense of 
the necessity of the new birth and holiness of heart I 
cannot say ; for she was called to a world of spirits 
wien I was but five months old; leaving behind six 
children, two sons and four daughters. My eldest sister 
being about fifteen years old — my father married in about 
six months after the death of my mother ; and although 
the woman that he married was an industrious good house 
wife, yet he lost his property, and was reduced very low, 
by the sinking of continental money; and the children 
were scattered as a consequence. My eldest sister mar- 
ried when I was six years old — and she prevailed on my 
father, to give me to her, which accordingly he did: and 
I was carried into the State of New York, and saw his 
face no ni'&re !* 

My tender heart was often wrought upon by the Spirit 
of God — and I was at times very unhappy, for fear I 
should die. and what would beeome of my soul ! I was 
early taught that there was a God, a heaven and hell 1 
^nd that there was a preparation necessary to fit me for 
those mansions of rest, prepared for all that are faithful 
until death I My heart often mourned before God, young 
as I was, for something, I scarce knew what, to make me 
happy ! I dared not to sleep without praying to God, as 



* The summer past, in my journey to the east, i met with a half 
brother, whom 1 had not seen for twenty-seven years— and with 
whom my father diedi and also wa3 atone of my sisters, whom £ 
foad not seen but once for twenty years She being nine or tea 
years older than myeelf, was able to inform me of some particulars 
concerning my toother's death 4 which ware a congolatioa io me. 



4 



VICISSITUDES IN 



well as I knew how, for many years. My sister's husband 
being a man not calculated to gain the world, although 
they had no children, I was raised to labour as much 
as my strength would permit; and perhaps more, as w my 
constitution was very delicate, from my birth. But the 
Lord was my helper, though I knew him not by an 
experimental knowledge — yet I had a fear of him before 
my eyes ! And he that taketh care of the young ravens 
cared for me. From the time that I was six years of age 
until I was eleven, my serious impressions never left 
me ; but from twelve to fifteen I was mixing with those 
that were unacquainted with God, or the things that per- 
tain to the kingdom of heaven. My mind was taken up 
with the vanities of this present world, although my 
heart was often tender under the preaching of the gospel, 
so that I could weep and mourn; yet I did not seek e 
Lord in earnest to the saving of my soul. At the age 
of fifteen, the Lord laid his rod upon me in taking away 
my health, which was not restored until I was seven- 
teen. In that time I was much afraid I should be called 
/ to pass the dark valley — but the Lord was pleased to 

restore me to health again in a good degree ; and at 
the age of nineteen, I set out to seek my soul's salva- 
tion, through many trials and difficulties ! The Metho- 
dists* preaching and zeal were new in that part of the 
country where I lived at that time ; and my sister's 
husband was very much opposed to them, so that it 
made my way very trying ; but I was determined, come 
what might, that I would take up my cross, and follow 
Jesus in the way — I was willing, and gave up all my 
young companions, and all the diversions of which I had 
been very fond— such as dancing, and company that 
feared not God; and the Lord, who giveth liberally, 
and upbraideth not, gave me peace and consolation in 
him. My sister and myself joined the first Society, that 
was raised in that part of the country, at a neighbour- 
hood called Fish Creek, about four miles from where 
we lived ; where we attended preaching and class-meet- 
ing once every week — And the Lord was very precious 
to my sold in those days. 

About that time, my brother-in-law was brought to 
see himself a sinner, and embraced religion; and we 



THE WILDERNESS, 



5 



were a happy family, although but three in number. 
We often felt like heaven begun below, Jesus precious 
to our souls ! The preachers - made our house their 
home, at that time, and it was my delight to wait 
on them. I felt as if I could lie at their feet, and 
learn instruction from their lips. My chief delight was 
in going to meeting, and praising and singing praises 
to my God and Saviour. We had preaching once in 
two weeks in our neighbourhood, but few attended for 
nearly two years ; yet the preachers continued to preach, 
and that in faith, and the Lord heard and gave them 
their hearts 5 desire ! They formed a little class, consist- 
ing only of seven ; my brother and sister, two other men 
and their wives, and myself, composed the society in the 
place where I lived. We had class-meeting and prayer- 
meeting every week at the beginning ; and it was but a 
few months before the Lord burst the cloud, and the 
work broke out, and sixty or seventy were added to the 
number. We had precious times of the out-pouring of 
the Spirit of God ! If we met only for prayer-meeting, 
oftentimes our meetings would last until twelve and 
one o'clock, and souls would be so filled with divine 
love, that they woul'd fall prostrate on the floor, and 
praise Christ their King ! So we continued to love like 
children of one family, for two or three years ; when 
some difficulties took place ; however, none were turned 
out of society. O ! how sweet it is for brethren to dwell 
together in unity — but how often doth the enemy of 
mankind make use of that most destructive weapon, 
DIVISION ! to destroy the souls of the fallen race of 
Adam ! — O that Christians would make a stand against 
him ; and live and love like children of one family ! — 
that the world might say — " See how these Christians 
love one another." 

After this, I lived in love and union with my brethren 
for two years or more ; and enjoyed the privilege of 
preaching and class-meetings, and had many precious 
seasons to my soul ! 

About this time, " Camp-Meetings" began to be intro- 
duced into that part of the country; and was attended 
with the power of God, in the conversion of many pre- 
cious souls ! 

1* 







VICISSITUDES IN 



At this time, there was one about thirty miles from 
where I then lived ; and my brother-in-law attended 
it ; where he met with Lorenzo Dow, on his way to 
Canada; and invited him home with him, to preach 
at our preaching-house, and sent on the appointment a 
day or two before hand, so that the people might get 
notice. And as he was a singular character, we were 
very anxious to see and hear him. The day arrived, 
lie came, and the house was crowded ; and we had a 
good time! I was very much afraid of him, as I had 
heard such strange things about him ! 

He was invited to my brother-in-law's, but did not 
come for several days. He had appointments to preach 
twice and thrice in the day. However, at last he came, 
and tarried all night. The next morning he was to 
preach five or six miles from our house ; and little did 
I think that he had any thoughts of marrying, in par- 
ticular that he should make any proposition of the kind 
to me; but so it was, he returned that day to dinner; 
and in conversation with my sister, concerning me, he 
inquired of her, how long I had professed religion? 
She told him the length of time. He requested to know 
whether I kept wicked company ? She told him I did 
not ; and observed, that I had often said, " I had rather 
marry a Preacher than any other man, provided I was 
worthy ; and that I would wish them to travel and be 
useful to souls. By this time I happened to come into 
the room, and he asked me if I had made any such 
remarks ? I told him I had. He then asked me if I 
would accept of such an object as him? I made him 
no reply, but went directly out of the room — as it was 
the first time he had spoken to me, I was very much 
surprised. He gave me to understand, that he should 
return to our house again in a few days, and would 
have more conversation with me on that subject; 
which he did, after attending a meeting ten or twelve 
miles from where I lived. He returned the next eve- 
ning, and spoke to me on the subject again, when he told 
me that he would marry, provided he could find one that 
would consent to his travelling and preaching the gos- 
pel ; and if I thought I could be willing to marry him, 
and give him up to go, and do his duty, and not see hxm % 



THE WILDERNESS, 



perhaps, or have his company more than one month out 
of thirteen, he should feel free to give his hand to me ( 
but if I could not be willing to let him labour in the 
vineyard of his God, he dared not to make any contract 
of the kind; for he could not enjoy* peace of mind in 
any other sphere, He told me I must weigh the matter 
seriously before God, wliether I could make such an 
engagement, and conform to it ; and not stand in his 
way, so as to prevent his usefulness to souls I I thought 
I would rather marry a man that loved and feared God,* 
and that would strive to promote virtue and religion 
among his fellow mortals, than any other ; although I 
felt myself inadequate to the task, without the grace of 
God to support me 1 Yet I felt willing to cast my lot 
with his ; and be a help, and not a hindrance to him, if 
the Lord would give me grace ; as I had no doubt that 
he would, if I stood as I ought — and I accepted of his 
proposal. He was then on his way to Canada, from 
thence to the Mississippi Territory ; and did not expect 
to return in much less than two years ; then if Provi- 
dence spared, and the way should open for a union of 
that kind, when he returned, we would be married ! But 
would strive in that case, as well as in all ethers of 
such importance, to lay it before the Lord : and be 
directed by him, as far as we could judge : and not 
rush precipitately into a state, that so much concerned 
our happiness in this world and the next — As I doubt 
not many engage in the holy bands of matrimony, with- 
out once considering its importance, and the obligations 
they lay themselves under to each other, to do all in 
their power, to make % the silken cord not prove a chain 
of iron! 

He left me, and went on his way, to preach the gos- 
pel through Canada, and from thence to the South, 
and was gone for near two years before he returned ; 
he left an appointment for a Camp-Meeting, in conjunc- 
tion with some of the preachers, on his return, which 
he fulfilled: and on September the fourth, we were 
joined in the bands of matrimony, late in the evening. 
There was not any present but the family, and the 
preacher who performed the ceremonv ! Early in the 
morning he started for the Mississippi Territory, in com- 



8 



VICISSITUDES IN 



pany with my brother-in-law, who intended to remove to 
that country if he should like it, as Lorenzo had a chain 
of appointments, previously given out, for four thousand 
miles. 

I expected to continue to live with my sister, as she 
had no children, and was much attached to me, or 
seemed to be so at that time — but the Lord ordered it 
otherwise. My Lorenzo was gone about seven months, 
before he returned to me. My brother-in-law was pleased 
with the country, and intended/ to return to it with his 
family, in a few months. My husband was preparing 
to go to Europe, in the fall. He returned, and stayed 
with me about two weeks : and then started for Canada, 
and left me with my sister. They were preparing to 
remove to the Mississippi in July— this was in May — 
and my Lorenzo was to meet them in the western 
country, where they were to carry me ; and from thence 
we would go to New York, and they continue on their 
journey to the Mississippi Territory. But he went on 
as far as Vermont, and held a number of meetings, where 
he saw his sisters that lived there; and then feeling an 
impulse to return to Western, where I then was, he gave 
up the intended tour through Canada, and came back, 
prepared to take me to New York city, where he intended 
to embark for Europe. 

We stayed a few weeks in Western, until my brother- 
in-law got his temporal concerns settled ; and then, after 
bidding my friends and brethren in the Lord farewell ! 
we set off for New York, attended by my sister, who 
went the same road we were going, eighteen or twenty 
miles ; where Lorenzo held several meetings, and stayed 
two or three days together ; and then bid each other fare- 
well, expecting to meet again in eighteen months or two 
years. But the providence of God did not favour this, 
or the interference of the Enemy of mankind prevented — 
for we never met again : and could I have foreseen what 
awaited my unfortunate sister in the country to which 
she was bound, the parting would have been doubly dis- 
tressing. But it is happy for us that we do not know 
what is in futurity, as the great Master knoweth best 
how to prepare our minds for greater tribulation, while 
we travel through this world of woe ! Our parting was 



I 



THE WILDERNESS, Q 

truly sorrowful and afflicting, but it was light when com- 
pared to what followed ! 

We left Westmoreland, and went down to Albany, 
where Lorenzo had some acquaintances, and: stayed for 
several days at the house of Mr. Taylor, and were 
treated as if we were their children* 

Now my sphere of life was altered. It was the first 
time I had been so far from home without my sister ; 
she was like a mother to me, as I knew no other. My 
heart often trembled at what was before me, to be con- 
tinually among strangers ; being so little acquainted with 
the ways of the world, it made me feel like one at a 
loss how to behave, or what to do. 

Lorenzo was very affectionate and attentive to me. 
He left me at Albany with sister Taylor, who was going 
down to New York in a sloop. As I was very much 
fatigued by riding on horseback, he thought it best for 
me to go down with her, by water ; while he Went by- 
land, rode one horse, and led the other. He arrived in 
New York perhaps four and twenty hours before me. 
I went on board, for the first time that I ever was on the 
water, except to cross a ferry. 

It made me somewhat gloomy to be on board the 
vessel among strangers, while going clown the river to 
the city of New York, as I had never been in such a 
place before. However, we landed about ten o'clock at 
night, where I met Lorenzo, who had been on the look 
out for some time. We went to a friend's house, that had 
been very kind to him in days past, who then belonged 
to the Methodist church. I felt much embarrassed, as I 
had never been in the city before. We stayed in New 
York several weeks, and had some precious meetings. 
Here I became acquainted with some kind friends, who 
were to me like mothers and sisters ; whilst Lorenzo left 
me and went to fulfil some appointments he had made 
in Virginia and North Carolina, and expecting only to 
be gone five or six weeks ; but was detained, contrary to 
his expectation, near three months. In that time the 
fever, that was common in the city of New York, broke 
out, and I went with Mr. Qiiackenbash to the country, 
about forty miles up the river, to a brother Wilson's, 
where she carried her children to go to school. — Here 



10 



VICISSITUDES IN 



I stayed several weeks. They were people of a hand- 
some property ; but the more we have the more we 
want, as has been observed by many : And I think it 
will hold good almost without exception ; for they were 
as hiugIi engaged to gain property, as if they had only- 
bread from hand to mouth. I was a stranger, and many 
times I felt as such, but the Lord gave me support, so 
that I was tolerable cheerful in the absence of my com- 
panion ! Before he returned, I went back to New York, 
where I stayed until he came ; and prepared to sail for 
Europe, which was some time in November. We 
obtained a protection from our government, when leav- 
ing the country for England. It was necessary to have 
witnesses to prove that he was the Lorenzo Dow that 
was identified and intended in the documents, which 
he had obtained from the United States of America. 
Consequently he got N. S. and J. Q,. to go before a 
notary public, and certify that he was the same Lorenzo 
Dew referred to in the documents. Mr. N. S. gave in 

under oath, that " he knew him from his youth, * 

* # * * * # 

holy gospel !" And about the same time he wrote letters 
to Ireland and England, to make his way narrow in 
those countries. And no thanks to him that it did not 
bring Lorenzo into the greatest distress and difficulties 
that a man could have been brought into ! But through 
the mercy of God it was otherwise overruled! 

He gave me my choice, to go with him, or stay with 
friends in America, as there were many that told us I 
might stay with them, and be as welcome as their child- 
ren; and strove to prevent my going to a land where I 
would find many difficulties and dangers to encounter 
that I was unacquainted with, and could not foresee. 
But I chose to go, and take my lot and share with him 
of whatever might befall us. Consequently, on the 10th 
of November, 1805, we set sail from New York for 
Liverpool, in Old England. We embarked about 10 
o'clock, with a fine breeze. They spread their canvass, 
and were soon under way. 

Lorenzo came into the cabin, and told me to go on 
deck, and bid farewell to my native land ! I did so — 
and the city began to disappear! I could discover the 



THE WILDERNESS 3 



houses to grow smaller and smaller; and at last could 
see nothing but the chimneys and the tops of the houses y 
then all disappeared but the masts of vessels in the 
harbour, In a short time nothing remained but a bound- 
less ocean opening to view; and I had to depend upon 
nothing but the Providence of God ! I went down into 
the cabin, and thought perhaps I should see my native 
land no more ! 

The vessel being tossed to and fro on the waves, I 
began to feel very sick, and to reflect I was bound to a 
foreign land ; and, supposing I should reach that country ? 
I knew not what awaited me there. But this was my 
comfort, the same God presided in England that did in 
America!-— I thought if I might find one real female 
friend. I would be satisfied. 

I continued to be sea-sick for near two weeks, and then 
recovered my health better than I had enjoyed it in my 
life before. 

We were twenty. seven days out of sight of land. 
The vessel being in a very bad situation, we had not 
been at sea more than five or six davs. before the rudder 
began to fail; so they could not have commanded her 
at all, if the wind had been unfavourable. The weather 
was very rough and stmmv ; bat through the mercy of 
God, the wind was favourable to our course, so that we 
reached safe our place of destination. 

When we arrived in the river at Liverroo), we were 
not permitted to land, until they could send up to Lon- 
don^ and get returns from there, as our vessel came from 
a port subject to the yellow fever; on that account, we 
were obliged to stay in that river, for ten days, before 
we were permitted to come on shore. 

I never saw a woman for thirty-seven days, except one 
who came along side our vessel, to bespeak the captain 
as a boarder at her house, when he should come on 
shore. 

I strove to pray much to God to give us favour in the 
eyes of the people, and open the way for Lorenzo, to do 
the errand that he came upon ; and to give him success 
in preaching the gospel to poor sinners. The prospect 
was often gloomy. Lorenzo used to say to me, keep up 



VIOISSITUDES IN 



our spirits — we shall yet se# good days in Old England 

efore we leave it, as the sequel proved. 
We went on shore the twenty-fourth or fifth of De- 
cember. Lorenzo had a number of letters to people in 
Liverpool. Some were letters of recomendation ; others, 
to persons from their friends in America. 

We went with the master of the vessel to a boarding 
house, where I was left until Lorenzo went to see what 
the prospect might be, and whether he could meet with 
any that would open the way for him to get access to 
the people. After giving out all the letters but one, he 
returned to ma : having been two or three hours absent 
without any particular success. 

The house that I tarried at, was a boarding-house, for 
American captains ; and the women that were there, 
were wicked enough ! — My heart was much pained to 
hear my own sex taking the name of their Maker and 
preserver, in vain ! O ! thought I, shall 1 never meet 
again with any that love and fear God ? — Lorenzo intend- 
ed to go and find the person that the last letter was 
directed to, and told me I might either stay there or go 
with him. I chose to go with him, rather than be left 
with them any longer. — It was almost night, and we 
had not much to depend upon, without the openings of 
Providence. We started, but could not find the person 
for some time. However, at last, as we were walking, 
Lorenzo [looked up to the corner, and happened to espy 
the name that he was after ; accordingly we went up 
to the door, and gave a rap, and were admitted. — 
He delivered the letter. There was a woman from Dub- 
lin, who seeing that we were strangers and foreigners, 
began to enquire of Lorenzo, for some persons in Ame- 
rica; and shortly after this, she asked him, if he had ever 
heard of a man by the name of Lorenzo Dow ? Not 
knowing that any one in that country could have any 
knowledge of him, it Was very surprising to me. He 
told her, that was his name, and she was as much sur- 

Erised in her turn. She had seen him in Ireland, when 
e was there some years before ; but did not know him 
now, as he had the small pox after she had seen him, 
which had made a great alteration in his appearance. 

The man of the house invited us to tarry all night, but 
the woman made some objections !— They were friends' 



THE WILDERNESS. 



13 



{quakers,) and told us, there was a quaker lady just 
across the street that kept a boarding house, where 
we could be accommodated with lodgings for the night, 
And as it was then something late in the evening, the 
man conducted us thither, where we obtained permission 
to stay. 

As Lorenzo had but little to depend upon but the open- 
ings of Providence, — he intended to go to Ireland, and 
take me to his friends, and leave me there ; as he had 
wrote to that country and had returns from his old friend, 
Doctor Johnson, with an invitation for him to bring me ; 
and that I should have a home at his house, as long as 
we chose, whilst he pursued his travels through Ireland 
and England. Lorenzo went and procured a passage 
across the channel, in a packet to Dublin ; but did not 
sail for several days. So we had to stay in Liverpool 
for some time. Our hoard was more than two guineas 
a we?k, which was bringing Lorenzo very short as to 
money. At last we got on board of the packet, with our 
little baggage, and some provisions for the voyage ; but 
}he wind proved unfavourable, and we were driven back 
into the port of Liverpool again ; and that was the case 
for no less than five times running. 

Before this, our friend that we met at the Quakers, had 
introduced us to a family of people who were Metho- 
dists where the woman was a very aftectionate/Viend / 
which opened the door for acquaintance, and we had 
been there several times. 

Our landlady that we were boarding with told us we 
could not stay with her any longer, so we must go else- 
where, as her house was full. 

The last time we went on board of the packet, and 
put to sea, we had not been out more than two or three 
nours before the wind blew a gale ; and it was so dark 
that they could not see their hand before them on deck; 
and we knew not how shortly we might be cast on rocks 
or sand banks, and all sent to eternity. There were 
some on board, who before the storm came up, had been 
very profane in taking the name of their Maker in vain ; 
but when they saw and felt the danger that they were 
in, they were as much alarmed as any persons cculd be ! 

X could not but wonder t&at people would or could be 



H 



VICISSITUDES IN 



so careless and secure whilst they saw no danger, but 
when the waves began to roll, and the ship" be^aa 
to toss to and fro 5 they were struck with astonish- 
ment and horror! 

My husband and myself lay still in the birth, and 
strove to put our trust in that hand that could calm the 
roaring seas ; and I felt measurably composed. At day- 
light, the captain made for the port of Liverpool again ? 
and about eight or nine o'clock in the morning, we came 
into the dock; but as we were coming in, under full 
sail, and a strong tide, there was a large ship, of the 
African trade, that was lying at anchor in the harbour ; 
we ran foul of her, but through mercy were preserved 
from much harm ! 

The weather was very rainy, the streets were muddy ? 
and I had walked through the mud for a considerable dis- 
tance ; the prospect was gloomy beyond description, but 
my Lorenzo cheered my spirits, by telling me, the Lord 
would provide, which I found to be true ! 

We went to Mr. Forshaiv's, the people that we were 
introduced to, by the friend that we saw at the Quaker's 
the first night we were in Liverpool. When my good 
friend, Mrs. Forshaw, now saw me returning, she was 
touched with pity for me, as I was very muddy and 
fatigued ! She told Lorenzo he had better leave me 
with her, whilst he travelled through the country, until 
the weather was better; and then take me over to Ire- 
land in the spring — which invitation we were very thank- 
ful for. O how the Lord provided for me in a strange 
land ! where I had not any thing to depend upon but 
Providence ! 

My Lorenzo left me at her house, and proceeded up 
to London ; where he was gone about two weeks. But 
previous to this the Lord had opened his way, so that 
he had held a number of meetings in Liverpool, and one 
woman had been brought to see herself a sinner, and seek 
the salvation of her soul. 

I was at this time in a state of ********* and my mind 
somewhat depressed ; but the Lord gave me favour in 
the eyes of the people, and they were very kind to me, 
while he was gone. I attended class-meetings and 
preaching^ which was very refreshing to me. I felt to 



THE WILDERNESS. 15 

bless God, that I had found the same religion in that 
country, as I had experienced in my own native land. 
I was sometimes very much distressed in mind, for iear 
my husband should die, and I be left in a strange land. 
But he returned to me in the time appointed ; and had 
several invitations to other parts of the country, to hold 
meetings, which he accepted. 

I left Liverpool with him, for Warrington, where he 
had been invited, by a man that came to Liverpool on 
business ; who not knowing there was such a peson as 
Lorenzo in the country, but feeling, after he had dene his 
business, like he wanted to go to a meeting, and wander- 
ing about for some time, when he at last went into a 
meeting-house that belonged to the people called Kilha- 
mites, where Lorenzo had been invited to preach, and 
found a congregation assembled to hear preaching; and 
after he had done, as the people were very solemn and 
attentive, and many were much wrought upon, this man 
invited Lorenzo to go to Warrington, where there was 
a little society of people called Q,uaker-methodists ; and 
the meeting-house should be opened to him. He did 
so, and found them a very pious people. We stayed 
there for several weeks, and he held meetings two or 
three times in a day ; while the Lord began a good 
work in that place, and many were brought to rejoice 
in the Lord ! Peter Philips, the man that invited Lo- 
renzo there, and his' wife, were very friendly to us, and 
their house was our home ever after, when we were in 
Warrington. 

A widow lady who lived there, had three daughters, 
one of whom lived in London, and the other with her. 
She came out to hear Lorenzo preach ; and one day after 
meeting, she came to Peter Philips, to see us, and was 
very friendly. Lorenzo asked her if she had any child- 
ren? She told him she had three; and that two were 
with her. He inquired if they professed religion ? She 
told him that one of them had made a profession, but 
she had lost it, she w r as fearful ; but the youngest never 
had. He requested her to tell them to come and see 
him ; but the mother insisted that he should come and 
see them; and then he could have an opportunity to 
converse with them at home, He did so; and they 



16 VICISSITUDES IN 

both became very serious, and came to his meetings. 
And although they had been very gay young women, 
they would come up to be prayed for in the public con- 
gregation. The result was, they got religion ; and the 
youngest has since died happy in the Lord. The eldest 
came down from London on a visit to her mother's, 
where my Lorenzo saw her, and he was made an instru- 
ment in the hand of God, of her conversion to God. 
She was one of the most affectionate girls I ever saw ! 

We stayed in and about Warrington until May : in 
which time Lorenzo had openings to preach in different 
places, more than he could attend ; and the Lord blessed 
his labours abundantly to precious souls ! 

In May we returned to Liverpool, and prepared to 
cross the channel to Ireland. We had a very pleasant 
passage, and arrived in safety 'where we found our kind 
friend, doctor Johnson and his family well ; and were 
received with affection by many. The preachers that 
were in Dublin were very friendly, and I felt much 
united to them. We were invited to breakfast, dine, 
and sup, almost every day. But my situation being a 
delicate one, it made it somewhat * * * * * to 
me ! The friends were as attentive to me as I could have 
wished ; for which may the Lord fill my heart with grati- 
tude. 

Lorenzo stayed with me for some time, and then went 
into the country, w r here he held many meetings, and 
the Lord was with him. After which he returned to 
Dublin, and with the doctor, he went over again to Eng- 
land. I staid with Mrs. Johnson until his return, where 
I expected to continue until 1 should get through my 
approaching conflict, if it was the will of the Lord to 
bring me through. I felt in tolerable good spirits ; and 
although I was many hundred miles from my native 
land, yet the Lord gave me favour in the eyes of the 
people. My wants were supplied, as it related to my 
present situation, abundantly ! 

Lorenzo stayed in England for six or eight weeks, and 
then returned to me, to be with me in my approaching 
conflict. He was very weak in body ; but continued to 
preach two and three times in the day. He got some 



THE WILDERNESS, 



n 



books printed, which enabled him to prosecute his travels 
through the countries of Ireland and England. 

Whilst he was absent, a woman had spoken to a 
doctor to attend me, when I should want him, which 
was not agreeable to my Lorenzo. But having gone 
so far, it was thought by those that employed him, that 
it was best not to employ any other ; and I being unac- 
quainted with the manners and customs of the country, 
was passive. My Lorenzo was much hurt but I was not 
sensible of it, as much before as after. If I had, I should 
not have suffered it to have been so ; but we often are 
mistaken in what will be best for us. 

The time arrived that I must pass through the trial ? 
and my Lorenzo was at the doctor's. But those that 
attended on me would not suffer him to come into ihz 
room where I was, — whio'i gave him much pain. I did 
not at that time know how much he was hurt — but after 
my child was born, which was on the 16th of Septem- 
ber, between three and four o'clock, he was permitted 
to come in, and he had a white handkerchief on his 
head, and his face was as white as the handkerchief. 
He came to the bed, and took the child, observing to 
me, that we had got an additional charge — which if 
spared to us, would prove a blessing, or else one of the 
greatest trials that possibly we could have to meet with. 
I expect Lorenzo passed through as great a conflict in 
his mind, as he had almost ever met with. The Lord 
was my support at that time, and brought me safely 
through. The friends were very kind to me, and sup- 
plied my wants with every thing that was needful, and 
in about two weeks 1 was able to leave my room : my 
heart was glad, when I viewed my little daughter. She 
was a sweet infant. But O how short-lived are earthly 
joys ! We stayed in Dublin until she was five weeks 
old ; and then Lorenzo, with myself, and our little one, 
embarked on board a packet for Liverpool. The weather 
was rainy, and tolerable cold — there was no fire in the 
cabin. There were a numder of passengers, who thought 
themselves rather above the middle class, men and women, 
who were civil to us : but I was so much afraid that my 
little infant would be too much exposed, that I neglected 
myself, and probably took cold — we were two nights and 



VICISSITUDES IN 



one day on board the packet. We got into Liverpool 
about ten or eleven o'clock, where I was met by my 
good friend, Mrs* Forshaw ; and went to her house^ 
where we stayed a day or two, and then took the stage 
for Warrington, about eighteen miles from Liverpool, 
where we arrived on Sunday morning. Our friends, 
Peter Philips and his wife, were at meeting. Lorenzo 
went to the chapel. The people were very much rejoiced 
to see him. They had been concerned for us, as they 
had not heard from us for some time. The friends from 
the country, many of whom came to see us, while Lo- 
renzo had meetings in town and country, two and three 
times in the day ; and the Lord was present to heal 
mourning souls. \ 

Dr. Johnson came with us from Ireland. He was 
much engaged in helping to bring souls to the knowledge 
of the truth ; and was, I trust, made an instrument of 
good to many -Lorenzo and the doctor travelled into 
various places in Lancashire and Cheshire, with some 
other counties, and many were brought to see them- 
selves sinners, and seek their soul's salvation. 

The people in that country seemed to feel much for 
me, and manifested it by numberless acts of kindness. 
For, instead of having to sell my gown for bread, as 
Lorenzo told me I might have to do, when we were in 
America, there was scarcely a day but I had presents 
of clothing or money, to supply myself with whatever I 
needed. O how grateful ought I to be to my great Bene- 
factor, for all his mercies to unworthy me ! 

My little " Letitia Johnson," for so was my child 
called, grew, and was a very fine, attracting little thing. 
I found my heart was too much set upon it, so that I 
often feared I should love her too well ; but strove to give 
myself and all that I had to my God. 

Lorenzo was in a very bad state of health, which 
alarmed me very much. I often cried to the Lord to 
take my child or my health, but spare my dear husband ! 
The thought was so painful to me, to be left in a strange 
land, with a child, so far from my native soil ! — The 
Lord took me at my word, and laid his afflicting hand 
upon me. 

Lorenzo and the doctor went to Macclesfield, and 



THE WILDERNESS, 10 



expected to be gone about a week ; and left me at Peter 
Philip's, where I was taken sick, the day they started, 
with the nervous fever — but kept up. and nursed my 
child, until two or three days before they returned. I 
thought I had taken a very severe cold, and should be 
better ; but grew w^orse every day. 

The friends w^ere very kind to me, particularly Mary 
Barford, a young lady of fortune, who had got religion 
through the instrumentality of Lorenzo. She attended 
me tw r o and three times a day. After I got so as not to be 
able to sit up, she hired a girl to take care of my child* 
My fever increased very fast, and the night before Lo- 
renzo got to Warrington, I thought I was dying, and 
those that w^ere about me w r ere very much alarmed, and 
sent for a doctor ; he came, and administered something 
to me. He said I was not dying, but that I was very- 
sick! The next morning doctor Johnson and Lorenzo 
came ; they found me in bed. The doctor thought per- 
haps 1 had taken cold, and it would wear off after giving 
me something to promote a copious sweat. But when he 
found that the fever continued to rise, he told us to pre- 
pare for the w r orst — for it was a nervous fever, and that it 
W'as probable it would carry me to a w r orld of spirits. 

I had continued to nurse my child for more than one 
week after I was taken sick, which was very injurious 
to her. The doctor forbade my suckling her any longer, 
which gave me much pain. They were obliged to take 
her from me and feed her with a bottle. My fever 
increased, and rose to such a height, that it was thought 
I could not survive many days ! The doctor stayed with 
me, and payed every attention in his power, for twenty 
days and nights. Lorenzo was not undressed, to go to 
bed, for near three weeks, nor the doctor for nearly the 
same length of time. 

My kind friends gave me every assistance in their 
power: they came from the country, for many miles 
distant, to see if w T e were in w r ant of any thing that 
they could help us to. May the Lord reward them for 
their kindness to me, in the day of adversity.— Our dear 
friend, Mary Barford, used to come every day two or 
three times to see me. and administer to my necessities ; 
and many others came also. She was a precious girl 



/ 



£0 VICISSITUDES IN • 

and although she had been raised in the first circle, would 
go into the houses of the poor, and supply their wants ? 
and nurse and do for them like she had been a servant. 
Although Lorenzo was so broke of his rest and fatigued 
by night, yet he held meetings almost every day, some 
of which were a considerable distance from town ; and , 
as he was weak in body, our friend M. B, frequently 
hired a hack, to convey him to his appointments and 
back, so that he was with me the greatest part of the 
time, 

I was very much reduced, so that I was almost as help- 
less as an infant. 

There was a chair-maker's shop adjoining the house, 
and the room that I was confined in being most con- 
tiguous, the noise of the shop, together with that of the 
town, was very distressing to me-— likewise the family 
was large, and the house small, so that it was very uncom- 
fortable. We were under the necessity of having some 
person to sit up with me every night, for my fever raged 
to that degree I wanted drink almost every moment. 
The light was not extinguished in my room for six ov 
eight weeks. My poor child was very fretful ; the girl 
that nursed it would get to sleep and let it cry 5 this 
distressed my mind, and it was thought best by my 
friends to get some person to take it to tjie country, to be 
nursed there. 

To be separated from my child was very painful ta 
me ; but as my life was despaired of by my friends, and 
as I myself had not much expectation that I should 
recover, I strove to give it up, knowing it would be best 
for the child, and for me also. 

There was a woman from Cheshire, who lived about 
ten miles distant from Warrington, that had no children.— 
She came to see me, and offered to take my baby and 
nurse it, until I should die or get better — which was 
agreed to — so they made ready, and she took it ! But 
O the heart-rending sorrow that I felt on the separation 
with my helpless little infant ! Language cannot paint 
it ! But the Lord was my support in that trying hour, 
so that I was enabled to bear it with some degree of 
fortitude. I was anxious to get well and return to Ame- 
rica ; but little did I know what awaited me on my 



THE WILDERNESS. 



21 



native shore ! My disorder affected my mind very much. 
Likewise I was very desirous to see my sister that raised 
sue, once more in time; she was as near to me as a 
mother. We had heard that they had arrived safe at 
die Mississippi territory, and were like to do well. 

At times I was very happy ; and then at other times 
my mind was very gloomy, and sunk, as it were. The 
doctor said that he never saw any Gne^ nerves so arfected s 
that did not die, or quite lose their reason for a time. But 
I retained my senses and recollection as well as ever 5 
although it seemed that 1 scarce slept at all i 

As I was surrounded with noise, the doctor thought it 
would be better for me to be removed to a friencf s house 
ih the country, who lived about four miles from where 
I was. Accordingly they hired a long coach, and put a 
bed in it, and then a man took me in his arms, and put 
me in ; and the doctor and Lorenzo got into the coach 
with me, and carried me four miles into the country, to 
a friend's house, where I had every attention paid me 
that I could wish for ; and from that time I began to mend 
and recover. — This was about Christmas. 

Lorenzo felt a desire to visit Ireland once more before 
he returned to America, and he wished to make arrange- 
ments to return in the spring ; and if he did not go to 
Ireland in a short time, he could not go at all. I was 
at that time so low, that I could not get up, or assist 
myself so mueh as to get a drink of water — and it was 
doubtful whether I should recover again or not. 

He told me what he felt a desire to do, but added, that 
he would not go unless I felt quite willing. I told him, 
the same merciful God presided over us, when separated^ 
s.s when we were together ; and that he would provide 
for me, as he had done in a strange land, through my 
present illness: and wished him to go and do his duly! 
Accordingly, he hired a young woman to come and stay 
with me night and day. 

He had to preach at a place about two miles from 
where I was, at night ; and told me, perhaps he should 
not return that night; and if he did not he should not 
return to see me again, before he left that part for Ireland. 
However, I thought he would return to me again before 
hs left England— but he } to save me the pain of parting. 



I 



n VICISSITUDES IN 

did not return, as I had expected, but took the coach for 
Chester, and so on to Hollyhead in Wales, there to 
embark for Dublin ; and left the doctor to stay with me, 
until his return ; which he did, and was as a father and 
friend to me in his absence. . 

Although I felt willing for him to go and blow the 
gospel trumpet, yet my heart shrunk at the thought 
of being left in a strange land, in my present situation^ 
so weak that I could not put on my clothes without 
help : and my sweet little babe at a considerable distance 
from me, and amongst strangers. But the Lord was my 
support, and gave me strength to be, in some consider* 
able degree, resigned to the will of God! 

Lorenzo went on the outside of the coach, exposed to 
the inclement weather, and to the rude insults of the 
passengers, until he got to Hollyhead, where he went osi 
board a packet for Dublin, when he was both wet and 
cold, and was for four and twenty hours without food. 
But when he got to Mrs. Johnson's, he found her. as ever, 
a friend indeed : where he stayed until he got recruited, 
and then commenced his travels; whilst I was left behind, 
to encounter the most trying scene that I had ever met 
with. 

My strength gradually increased, so that I was in a 
few weeks able to sit up and to walk about the room. 
The people that I was with, were as kind and attentive 
as they could be — may the Lord reward them. But the 
doctor thought it would be best for me to go to another 
neighbourhood, as a change of air and new objects 
might contribute to my health ; and I should be nearer 
my child, which was a pleasing thought to me. We 
got into a carriage, and went to a friend's house, eight 
or ten miles, where I had been invited and sent for. We 
stayed: a week or more, and then we went to another 
place, within two miles of my child, which I expected 
to see and clasp to rny bosom ! O how short-lived are 
all earthly enjoyments! I did see my sweet little 
babe once more ! The woman that had her brought he? 
to see me; my heart leaped with joy at the sight. The 
innocent smile that adorned her face ! O how pleasing, 
I wished very much to keep her. but the doctor would 
not consent that \ should undertake to nurse her,. 11% 



THE WILDERNESS* 



23 



said, I had not recovered my strength sufficient to %o 
through the fatigue of nursing. But he that gave it f 
provided for it better than I could ; he saw it best to 
transplant it in a happier soil than this ; for in two or 
three days, the flower that began to bloom, was nipt by 
the cold hand of death, after a short illness of perhaps two 
or three days ; my tender babe was a lifeless lump of 
clay, and her happy spirit landed on the peaceful shore 

Of BLEST ETERNITY. 

They kept me in ignorance of her sickness, until she 
was dead. I could not tell why my mind was so much 
distressed on the account of my child, I inquired of 
every one that I could see from where she was 5 but 
they would not tell me of her danger, until she was 
dead. I was then about four miles from her, where I 
had gone the day that she died. A kind sister walked 
that distance to let me know that my little Letitia was 
no more : lest some one should too abruptly communi- 
cate the heavy tidings ; as my health was not yet restored, 
and it was feared that it would be attended with some dis- 
agreeable consequences ! I was much surprised to see 
sister Wade come, as I had left her house only the day 
before. The first question, I asked how my child was 1 
She made me no reply. It struck my mind very forcibly, 
that she was no more ! I requested her to tell me trie 
worst, for I was prepared for it — My mind had been 
impressed with a foreboding for some time ! She told 
me my child was gone, to return no more to me ! 1 felt 
it went to my heart, in sensations that I cannot express ! — 
it was a sorrow, but not without hope — I felt my babe 
was torn from my bosom by the cruel hand of death ! 
But the summons was sent by him that has a right to 
give and take away. He had removed my innocent 
infant far from a world of grief and sin ! perhaps for 
my good ; for I often felt my heart too much attached 
to it; so much, that I feared it would draw my heart 
from my duty to my God ! O the danger of loving any 
creature in preference to our Saviour! I felt as one 
alone — my Lorenzo in Ireland— my child was gone to 
ft happier clime ! I strove to sink into the will of God \ 
but the struggle was very severe, although I thought 



VICISSITUDES IN 



1 could say, " The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken 
away, and blessed be the name of the Lord !" 

The day that my child was carried to Warrington, to 
be interred in the burying ground of the quaker-metho- 
dists, about ten miles from where she died, I felt as 
though I must see her before she was consigned to the 
dust, to be food for worms. They had to carry the corpse 
by the house that I was at— my friends opposed it so 
warmly, urging my present state of health as a reason. 
I thought perhaps it would be best, and strove to com- 
pose myself, and use my reason, and resign my all into 
the hands of the Lord — it was a severe struggle, but the 
Friend of sinners supported me under all my afflictions. 

They carried my sweet little Letitia, and consigned her 
to the tomb, there to rest until the last trump shall sound, 
and the body and spirit be re-united again: and then 
we shall see how glorious is immortality ! 

I wrote to my Lorenzo the day that our child died ; he 
did not get it, but wrote to me, and mentioned, that he 
wished to see me and the child, which opened afresh the 
wound that had been received — but he got the news by 
way of Mrs. Johnson. He wrote to me, that he intended 
to return to America in the spring, which I was very 
anxious for. My health began to get better, so that I 
was able to walk two miles at a time, as walking was 
very customary among the people in that country. I 
felt a desire to return to Warrington, which I did in a 
canal boat, and was kindly received by my good friends 
and benefactors, Peter and Hannah Philips, with many 
others that had contributed to my comfort, while afflicted 
with sickness and distress. I stayed in the town of 
Warrington for several weeks, with my friends, and was 
frequently at the little chapel, where my sweet little 
infant's remains were deposited— and I often felt a plea- 
sure of the sweetest kind, in contemplating that my child 
had escaped all the vanities and dangers of the treache- 
rous and uncertain world, for the never-fading glories of 
paradise, where I hoped, when life should end, I should 
meet her to part no more ! — -notwithstanding, I felt the 
loss very sensibly. 

I wrote to Lorenzo from that place, and received an 
answer, which was calculated to console my heart, and 



THE WILDERNESS. 



^5 



comfort me under my present affliction^ He desired me 
to meet him in Liverpool, on the first of March, which I 
did. I went by the way of Frodsham, in Cheshire, down 
the river, in a large flat, with a man and his wife, that 
were employed to bring the rock for making salt. The 
river had been frozen considerably, and was full of ice; 
and when the tide came in, it appeared very alarming to 
me ; but after a little the boat got under way, and we had 
a tolerable pleasant sail down the river to Liverpool, 
where I met with Mr. and Mrs. Forshaw, my kind 
friends that had succoured me in days past, when I had 
no one to depend upon on that side of the great ocean !— ~ 
They still were, as ever, friendly ; where I stayed until 
near the middle of March, when Lorenzo returned from 
Ireland, which made my heart rejoice ! 

We left Liverpool in a canal boat for the country, and 
visited several towns, where Lorenzo preached to numer- 
ous congregations. The people were remarkably atten- 
tive. There was a pleasant prospect opened before him, 
and he received more invitations to preach in different 
parts of the country than he could attend. 

There had a number of people determined to come 
from Ireland to America with us ; and were accordingly 
to meet us in Liverpool in April. Consequently, we had 
but a few weeks to stay in and about Warrington. I 
had become so much attached to the friends, that it was 
truly painful to part with them. Our friends came from 
various parts of the country to bid us farewell ; and we 
had sweet and melting times together, not expecting to 
meet again until we should meet in a blissful eternity. 

We left Warrington for Lymn, where Lorenzo preach- 
ed, and bid the people farewell ! They were much 
affected. We parted with a hope of meeting in a better 
and a happier world. From thence we went to Preston- 5 
Brook; where Lorenzo preached again another farewell. 
It was a precious time to many. From there to Frods- 
ham— the people flocked round him with the greatest 
affection, for there the Lord had blessed his labours in a 
peculiar manner to the souls of many. He preached to 
ihem for the last time, and bid them an affectionate fare- 
well, while they were bathed in tears, seemingly as 
much pained as though they were parting with a parent, 



26 



VICISSITUDES IN 



From thence he went to Chester, the most ancient 
^ity, perhaps, in that country, except London ! He left 
me to come in the coach a few days after, whilst he 
visited the country adjacent. Accordingly I met him on 
the day appointed, and we stayed some time in Chester. 
It was a great curiosity, as it was built on the most 
ancient construction: being walled in, quite round, and 
the outside of the wail very high ; there was a trench 
dug on the outside, and it was walled up from that. 
The top of the wall was wide enough for a carriage 
to pass, with a breast- work sufficiently high to prevent 
any thing from falling over, and upon the inside was 
another similar I 

The antiquity of the houses, and the nobleness of the 
public buildings, struck me with a solemnity that I can- 
not express. My thoughts ran to times that had gone by, 
when those that had laid the foundation of these walls 
were animated with life and activity! Where are they 
now? They have gor>3 to a world of spirits — and we 
must shortly follow them! And those that take our 
place, will wonder at the labour of our hands in like 
manner ! 

The country is truly delightful that surrounds the city 
of Chester. It was in the spring when I was there, when 
every thing wears a pleasing appearance. 

The people were very hospitable and kind, at least 
thev were so to me. 

We left Chester for Liverpool in a little sail boat, and 
the river was something rough. There was a number 
of passengers, which made it quite unpleasant ; but we 
arrived safe in the evening, where we met our friends 
from Ireland, that intended to come to America with us, 
Lorenzo had made the necessary preparations for the 
voyage; and he had chartered the cabin and steerage for 
the accommodation of passengers, at a lower rate than 
he could have got it, if there had been but two or three. 

The first ship that he engaged 1o transport us to our 
native soil, sprang a leak as she was coming out of dock; 
got injured by some means, and had to unlade, and get 
it repaired ; so that it delayed her sailing for some time 
longer. But as we were in readiness to leave the country, 
Lorenzo met with another, where he could obtain accon** 



THE WILDERNESS, 



27 



modations at a better rate : he accordingly made a bargain 
with the captain for a passage in her, and every thing 
being prepared for our voyage, on the sixth of May we 
hoisted sail and weighed for America, which gave me a 
very pleasant sensation ; after having been in England 
and Ireland about eighteen months, and experiencing 
many kindnesses and favours from the people; and that 
Lorenzo was made an instrument in the hand of a gra- 
cious God, in bringing many precious souls to the know- 
ledge of the truth. 

On the first day, in the morning, we had a very plea- 
sant breeze, but the fog springing up, it was something 
gloomy for several days — but by that means we avoided 
the ships of war, that were very numerous on the coast 
of England ; and as Lorenzo and myself had no legal 
passports from that country, the law being such, that 
aliens were much put to it to travel in that kingdom \ and 
particularly those that were in Lorenzo's capacity, such 
as preachers : they must first take the oath of allegiance 
to the king of England, and get a license to preach, or 
they were subject to a fine for every sermon they should 

E reach, of twenty pounds each ; and every house must 
e licensed also, or the man that owned it was subject to 
a fine of twenty pounds \ and every person that heard 
preaching there, were likewise liable to pay five shillings ! 
But Lorenzo, in the first place, could not take the oath 
that was requested, to obtain the license — he thought as 
he had left his native land, not to gain worldly honour or 
applause, he could still trust that Providence, who had 
guided his course through the great deep, and brought 
him through many dangers and difficulties in his own 
country, so he strove to do his duty, and leave the event 
to God. 

We had a very pleasant voyage, except the passengers 
were generally sick, for more than a week, except my 
husband and self. I was never better in my life — but 
they recovered their health and spirits after a few days ; 
and we had some very good times on board. Lorenzo 
preached to the people on Sundays, and we had prayers 
night and morning, when the weather would admit. 
We had plenty of the necessaries of life to make us 
comfortable. 

4* 



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We were near six weeks on our passage. Some" time 
towards the last of June, we saw the long-wished for 
land of America, which I so earnestly desired to behold 
once more. The beautiful country and town of New 
Bedford, in Massachusetts, presented to view, where we 
landed, and was kindly received. 

The people that professed religion were chiefly quakers, 
and those who styled themselves Christians. Lorenzo 
held several meetings in the town, which was very satis- 
factory to many. 

After staying near two weeks in Bedford, Lorenzo, 
with nearly all the passengers that were in the ship, 
went on board a packet for New York ; and left me to 
come round with the other women in the ship, to Vir- 
ginia, and to meet him in Richmond. 

We parted, and I had to stay nearly two weeks before 
the ship sailed; they were taking out the lading, and pre- 
paring her for a fresh cargo when they should arrive at 
Virginia. It was about the time that the ship Chesapeake 
was fired upon by the British ! We sailed from New 
Bedford about the first of July, and had tolerable pleasant 
weather, though we were lonely, not having any com- 
pany but us three women. We got into Chesapeake 
Bay at evening, and passed one of the armed vessels 
belonging to the British, and expected them to have 
stopped us, as it had been reported that they were in the 
habit of requiring the captains of American vessels to 
pull down their colours to them, or else firing upon them. 
However, we passed unmolested, except that they hailed 
us ; but it being dark, we got by. Sister Wade was 
very much alarmed : but I felt so much of the spirit of 
Independent America, that I did not wish my country's 
flag to be disgraced in our own waters. In the morning 
we came into Hampton Boads, where we anchored and 
stayed several days, in sight of the British ships of warf 1 
while the captain took a boat and went to Noifolk to seek 
for a cargo. 

We were in a very unpleasant situation, as we had no 
one on board that we could place any real confidence in ; 
but Providence provided for us, and we met with no 
insults from any. The captain returned at night, and 
the next morning we set sail for City Point, The day 



THE WILDERNESS. 



5# 



was delightful, and the scenes that surrounded were truly 
pleasing. The river seemed by the bends to be inclosed 
in on every side ; and the banks to be covered with all 
the beauties that summer could produce, which gave my 
mind a pleasant sensation, when I reflected that it was 
my native country — my beloved America ! But little 
did I know what awaited me in my native land! 

We sailed on very pleasantly through the day, and 
about eight or nine o'clock we arrived at City Point. 
The ship was in the river, until her lading was brought 
down from Richmond in lighters. The weather was 
getting very warm, and we were obliged to stay on beard 
until we could get an opportunity to go to Richmond, 
which, by land, was not more than twenty-five miles ; but 
by water it was, perhaps, twice as far. And here time 
passed away very heavily, until the master of the ship 
went up to Richmond on business, and hired a hack to 
return ; consequently we embraced the opportunity, when 
it returned, to get a seat in it up to Richmond, leaving 
our trunks and other thiugs to be brought up by the boats, 
that were to bring down the lading for the ship. 

We bid farewell to the ship, where I had been confined 
the most of the time for near three months j and it was a 
happy day for me, although I was in a part of the con- 
tinent that I had never been in before. I felt as though I 
could kiss the ground : but my companion, Mrs. Wade, 
her mind was occupied in quite a different way, — she 
was thousands of miles from her native land, while I was 
breathing my native air. 

We arrived in Richmond about one or two o'clock, 
and stopped at the " Bell Tavern," strangers to all that 
we saw : however, I had received a direction where to 
go, and make myself known ; which I did, at a brother 
Foster's, and when they learned who I was, received us 
-, v very kindly: but it was a severe trial, it being the first 
T time I had been obliged to call on friends, without any 
one to introduce me. But the Lord provided for me, and 
I found many friends in that place: wo stryed there 
some days. 

Brother Wade and Lorenzo came and met us. and the 
latter held several meetings, and we had good times witl* 



30 



VICISSITUDES IN 



the brethren. There I saw the girl that brother Mead 
has since married. 

Lorenzo had bought a span of mules before he went 
to Europe; and they were to be broke for a carriage by 
the time he should return ; but they were taken and put 
into a wagon, and so broke down that they were unfit 
for use. He had paid eighty pounds for them just before 
he left the continent ; this was the beginning of trouble 
to him. 

We obtained the loan of a gig from one of our friends, 
to carry us up as far as Cumberland, to Mr. John Hob- 
son's, who had been a great friend to Lorenzo in days 
that were past and gone, and still appeared to be such : 
here he traded off his mules with a man, for a horse and 
gig not worth half the money that he payed for them ; 
but he could do no better, as we were under the necessity 
of going to the north, to make ready to go to the Missis- 
sippi, where my relations had gone, and I was very 
anxious to go. But O the heart-felt sorrow they were 
the cause of to me and my companion after ! 

We left our friend's house and started for the north.— 
As we had written to my sister in the Mississippi, on 
our first arrival in America, but had got no answer from 
them, I felt very desirous to hear from her, as she was as 
a mother to me in my infant days — I loved her dearly. 

We went through New London and Lynchburg, where 
we met with many friends, and attended a Camp-Meet- 
ing in Amherst; from thence to New Glasgow, where 
Lorenzo preached at night : we stayed at an old gentle- 
man's house, who was very friendly. Thence we con- 
tinued our journey to a camp-meeting near George-Town, 
where we stopped and stayed until the meeting broke up. 
Our horse was at some person's place, to be kept, and I 
expect got nothing to eat— for we only went from the 
camp-meeting to Leesburg, and from there to another 
little town, which was two short days' travel ; but before 
we reached there he tired, and Lorenzo was obliged to 
trade him away for an old horse that was not worth but 
a little more than half as much ! However, he answered 
our purpose, so that we got on to New York, where I met 
with some friends that I had seen before ; which were 
the ftrst faces that I had met with for two years that I 



THE WILDERNESS, 



31 



had ever beheld before, which gave me much satisfac- 
tion ! 

We stayed at New York for several weeks, and then 
-started for New England, to visit Lorenzo's father, I 
had never seen him, nor any of the family, except one 
sister : it was a very great cross to me ; but we arrived 
at his father's some time in September, and was joy- 
fully received by him, there being none of the family 
with them, except one daughter, and one grandson. 
There my Lorenzo could contemplate the days of youth ; 
for that was the place of his birth, and of his rambles in 
childhood: the place where he first sought the path of 
righteousness-— the way to peace and true happiness, in 
this world and that which is to come ! The house from 
where his honoured mother had taken her flight to a hap- 
pier clime— where once he had enjoyed her company, 
with the rest of the family ; but now were separated 
hundreds of miles asunder ! 

Lorenzo held several meetings in the neighbourhood, 
and had tolerable solemn times: but the society that he 
once belonged to was quite gone ! Some had died, and 
others had moved away, while others had gone back into 
the world, and lost their love to Christ and his cause, 
which made him feel very awful ! His father was a 
worthy old man, a kind friend, an affectionate parent — he 
was every thing that was good in his family. I thought 
I could have done the part of a child for him, if I might 
have the privilege ; but I felt a strong desire to see my 
sister, in the Mississippi. 

We went to Tolland, where Lorenzo had sent an 
appointment to preach at a Methodist meeting-house, and 
I did not expect to return to his father's any more ; but 
Lorenzo's sister from Vermont coming down to her 
father's, we returned, and stayed two or three days longer. 

Lorenzo sold his gig and horse to a preacher, and 
bought his brother-in-law's horses, to return to New 
York, where he had made an engagement with a man 
to make him a light wagon, which was to be ready on 
his return for the JSoitth* 

We left his father's on horse-back, after bidding them 
farewell : but as I had not been accustomed to travel in 
that mode for a long time, it was very fatiguing to me, 



32 



VICISSITUDES m 



so that I could not endure it; and when I got within 
about forty miles of New York, I was obliged to go by 
water the remainder of the way, while Lorenzo rode one 
horse and led the other. He arrived there some time 
before me, and had gone to the country, about ten or 
twelve miles from the city, to preach, but returned that 
night. We stayed a week or more until our wagon was 
ready for us to start ; then bidding our friends farewell, 
proceeded on our journey. 

Lorenzo had given out appointments all the way to 
Virginia, and had tolerable hard work to keep up with 
them — we had to travel nearly one whole night over the 
.mountain from Frederick-Town to the Potomac river t 
which we crossed about two o'clock in the morning. 

Lorenzo's appointment was some distance the other 
side of the river; we lay down, and as soon as it was 
light we started again, and reached the court-house just 
as the people had assembled. I went to a friend's house 2 
while Lorenzo preached to the people. After meeting 
we w T ent on to the next appointment, where he preached 
again at night also: and so continued on our journey, 
until we arrived in Virginia* Lorenzo preached every 
day, once, and twice, and three times ; and when we 
arrived at Winchester, he preached twice to large con- 
gregations. From thence we went to a Camp-Meeting". 
where I saw brother Grober, a presiding elder, that I had 
been acquainted with a number of years ago, which was 
very satisfactory to me. 

We left the camp-ground in the morning for Staunton^ 
where Lorenzo had an appointment at night. It was 
threatening to rain in the morning when we started, and 
about twelve o'clock it began, and rained almost as fast 
as I ever saw it : we were in an open wagon, and I w r as 
wet through and through. As it continued to rain exces- 
sively all the afternoon, when we arrived at Staunton it 
was almost dark, and the people had assembled for meet- 
ing; Lorenzo had not time to take any refreshment, but 
went and preached in his wet clothes. We were received 
with coolness by the family that we stayed with, although 
he was acquainted with them before — but that is nothing 
uncommon; man is so changeable in his nature, mat we 
may find him at one time all friendship, and perhaps thg 



THE WILDERNESS, 



S3 



next day he is as cool as need be. Hence I have found 
it necessary to strive to take it as it comes ; to be thank- 
ful for friends, when I find them; and to be satisfied 
when I have them not. 

It was on Saturday night that we got to Staunton, and 
Lorenzo intended to stay until Monday morning. On 
Sunday morning brother Wade came from New London 
to meet us, and carry me home with him ; and Lorenzo 
had calculated on leaving me at Hobson's, in Cumber- 
land, while he went to the Mississippi territory ; conse- 
quently he thought it best for me to go to New London 
with brother Wade, who was anxious for me to go and 
stay with his wife a frw months, as she was a stranger 
in this country ; and my coming to America in company 
with her, it made us like sisters indeed. It was a trial 
to my mind to part with my companion for nine or ten 
months; as I did not expect to be with him but a few 
days, even if I went on to Cumberland with him, as he 
then must leave me, and start for the country where my 
sister lived : accordingly we parted, and I went home 
with brother Wade. This was on Sunday, and he was 
to leave Staunton the next morning. My spirits were 
very much depressed ; but I did not know what laid 
before me. I arrived in New London in safety, and was 
kindly received by sister Wade, and had got tolerably 
composed, when I received a letter from Lorenzo, which 
gave me an account of the imprudence of my sister that 
lived in the Mississippi — but it was in so dark a style 
that I did not comprehend it fully, as I could not believe 
that she would be guilty of such enormities. I thought 
gome one had charged her without grounds : that was 
some consolation to me, as I hoped it was not true. I 
was in hopes that he would come through New London^ 
and give me a more full account of the circumstance ; 
but he could not, consistently with his arrangements. I 
was in great distress of mind on her account, as she had 
been a great professor of religion, and the cause must 
suffer by her falling so foully .-and the disgrace attending 
it was almost unbearable. Brother Mead and his wife 
came through New London on their way to Georgia, 
and brought the news that Lorenzo was not coming 
through that place, which made my heart almost sink 



34 



VICISSITUDES IN 



within me. 1 felt as though the trial was more than I 
could bear — but this was but the beginning of sorrow. 

I stayed at brother Wade's for more than two months, 
and was kindly treated by him and his wife, and many 
others ; and had many good times in meeting with the 
children of God, to worship him. The letter that I had 
received from Lorenzo in Cumberland, had stated that 
my sister had been guilty of very improper conduct, but 
that she was penitent. But when Lorenzo got to Georgia, 
he received a letter from brother Blackman^ stating that 
she had escaped from her husband with a young man, 
and had gone over the line into the Spanish country, to 
elude the displeasure of their connexions. It was then 
an undeniable fact that she was really guilty — and Lo- 
renzo wrote to me from Georgia a full account of the 
circumstance, which gave me the severest wound that I 
had ever felt. To have heard of her death, O how much 
more preferable ! — but I had no other way, but must sub- 
mit My dear sister, that lay so near my heart, had 
strayed so widely from the path of rectitude — it was 
such a heart-rending affliction, I thought it was almost 
more than I could bear ! It appeared impossible that she 
could be so far lost to her own honour, and the love that 
she had manifested to the cause of God, and the pros- 
perity of Zion, as to be guilty of such an atrocious crime. 
But so it is, that some who make the greatest show of 
religion, wound it the deepest. So it was in this case : 
She had professed to have experienced the blessing of 
religion for many years ; and was as much opposed to 
any thing that had the appearance of imprudence in her' 
own sex, as any person that ever I knew. She was mar- 
ried when young to a man that was inferior to her, in 
point of talents, and was not calculated to get the world, 
as the saying is, as much as many others— and she pos- 
sessed a very proud spirit, together with a very quick 
temper ; and he not having as mild a disposition as might 
be, they were unhappy in their union, which was attended 
with many disagreements. He was subject to intoxica- 
tion, and that was frequently the cause of much misery 
between them ! I was witness, many times, to such con- 
duct on both sides, that gave me the greatest pain of any 
thing that could have befallen me, I often would beg 



i 



THE WILDERNESS, Si 

my sister to say nothing ', but her turbulent disposition 
Was such, that I have thought she would almost suffer 
death, rather than submit to any one. 

They lived in that way for many years. — She was 
very industrious, and strove hard to live ; but he was 
negligent, and often spent more than he made ! They 
removed, when they were first married, into the state of 
New York, about ninety miles from the place of their 
nativity, where they lived five or six years ; she had 
religion at that time, and he oppeged her very much, as 
she had joined the Baptist church before she left New 
England j but after leaving her Christian friends, and 
having so much opposition, she had lost her religion 
almost entirely, and become like the rest of the world, 
At that time the Methodists came into the neighbour- 
hood, and she became acquainted with them, and would 
have joined their society, but her husband would not per- 
mit it— but she attended their meetings, and was much 
engaged at that time. My brother-in-law took it into his 
head to remove to Fort Stanwix, on the Mohawk river 3 
within seventy or eighty miles of the line of Canada,, 
and she backslid again, not having any to converse with 
but those that were unacquainted with God or them- 
selves ! O how prone we are to forget the obligations 
we are under to our Saviour, notwithstanding it is on his 
bounty we live ! we are indebted to him for every mercy 
that we enjoy I She continued to live in that careless 
way for several years, until I was, perhaps, eighteen 
years of age, and the Methodists found her out again, 
and I got under distress for my soul; and she was stirred 
up again, and I believe had religion, My brother-in-law 
opposed us with all his might, They had got in a toler- 
able good way before this, and there was a prospect that 
they might live comfortable, as to the things of this life r f 
but he possessed such an uneasy disposition, that he 
could never be satisfied unless he was trading, and he 
had but a poor talent for that business. He sold his 
plantation, that he could have made a comfortable living 
upon, to a man that was a sharper, cn trust, and took no 
security — the man sold his property, and cleared himself, 
without making any compensation for the land. This 
was a very great affliction to my sister, as she had made 



36 



VICISSITUDES IN 



every exertion for a living that a woman could do, and 
strove in every way she could to prevent his selling his 
place— but all to no purpose. He carried on a great 
stroke at drinking, and spending his time for nought: she 
was harrassed and troubled on every side, not enjoying 
that satisfaction in religion she had formerly done— it 
made her truly wretched ! 1 strove to comfort her in 
everv way that I could. — We supported the family by 
our labour, weaving, spinning, and sewing, and any kind 
of work tliut we could do. 

This continued for more than twelve months, and then 
he took a little- farm of about fifty acres of land, with a 
comfortable house for a small family, that suited us very 
well ; the rent being small, he could have lived as well 
as need be, if he would have been industrious. He was 
of a turn that was rather indolent and careless, but my 
sister and myself kept the family in tolerable comfortable 
circumstances. 

It was at that time that the Methodist preachers came 
iuto the neighbourhood, and preached the gospel to poor 
lost sinners — my heart was wrought upon, and I set out 
to seek the salvation of my soul. My sister heard the 
pleasing sound with gladness, but my brother-in-law was 
violently opposed to them, and strove in every way that 
he could to prevent us from going to meeting ; but I felt 
determined to seek the Lord with all my heart, come 
what would, and strive to save my soul ! It was near 
twelve months before I joined Society, or my sister; but 
at last we broke through and joined the people called 
Methodists — and I have never seen the time that I was 
sorry that I cast my lot with them ; but I have often 
lamented that I did not live nearer to the gospel rules 
that they teach ! 

After we had joined society, my brother-in-law hecanie 
somewhat more softened, and let us have more peace, 
and would sometimes go to meeting ; but he still con- 
tinued to go in the same evil practice of spending his 
time in the most unprofitable way — -but the preachers 
and people that feared God ceased not to pray for him, 
and at last he was brought to see his situation, and the 
danger of living in sin, and set about the work of his 
own salvation ; and I doubt not but he experienced the 



THE WILDERNESS, 



37 



pardon of his sins. O the joy that was felt on this occa- 
sion ! we had, as it were, a heaven begun below ! He 
became a new man, and Providence seemed to bless us 
on every side — and we continued to enjoy the consola- 
tions of religion for several years, and the Lord pros- 
pered us in all our undertakings until after I was married; 
and they started for the Mississippi, and my husband 
and myself parted with them : we were coming for New 
York, and from thence to sail for Europe. 

They went to that country, and it appeared they left 
all the prudence that they ever possessed behind them ; 
for when they arrived, he, it appeared, thought that he 
could launch into building mills, not counting the cost 
that he must be at, but calculating that Lorenzo, when 
he returned from his tour in Europe, would pay all 
expenses — he ran into debt for land that had a mill seat 
upon it, and began to erect a mill. 

Some people were much pleased with them, as they 
appeared to be engaged in religion. My sister was very 
much respected by the people, both religious and irre- 
ligious — but O the danger we are exposed to while in 
this world. She was possessed of good natural abilities, 
and considerable acquired knowledge, and was the last 
person I should have thought would have conducted in 
the way she did; but we have need to voatch and pray, 
lest we enter into temptation. She had lived with her 
husband for twenty years at least, and I never heard or 
knew any thing laid to her charge of that nature, before 
or after her marriage — and she had been a guide to me in 
my youth, and 1 suppose, possessed as ■ great a sense of 
honour as any person I ever knew. But hoio it was I 
cannot tell: she fell into a snare of the enemy, and 
became a prey to the most unaccountable of all vices. 
There was a young man, that was a most abandoned 
character in principle, that was taken into the family, 
that she was fond of by some means ; and there was a 
criminal intercourse between them for several months 
before it was discovered. She was in society, and 
thought to be very pious, but at last it was mistrusted 
by some, and a plan laid to detect them, which was 
accomplished — and when it was proved upon her, she 
gave some marks of penitence, and her husband would 



38 



VICISSITUDES IN 



have made friends with her 5 but when the devil gets the 
advantage of poor infatuated mortals, he makes the best 
improvement of it in his power. So it was in this case % 
for I expect her sorrow was but slight, if she was in the 
least affected with sorrow— for as soon as she found that 
Losenzo and myself had returned to America, she laid 
every plan to make her esccvpe with that wretched young 
man, into the Spanish country, which she effected, and 
left her husband in a state of mind almost frantic : he had % 
more affection for her than I once thought him capable 
of. He went after her, and strove to get her to return, 
but she would not. I do not think there ever was as per- 
manent a union between them as was necessary for 
happiness. O the misery of many that are joined in the 
holy bands of matrimony : for the want of due con- 
sideration they rush into that state, and are wretched for 
life. 

When she completed her wicked plan, information 
was communicated to us — my Lorenzo had left me, and 
started for that country. No one can paint the heart-felt 
sorrow that I experienced on receiving the information I 
I felt as though I was deprived of almost all my earthly 
comfort ! I felt I could not believe it possible that she 
could have acted in that miserable, disgraceful manner ; 
but it was even so! Many have been the nights that I 
have wet my pillow with tears upon her account, but all 
to no purpose. O that it may be a warning to me to 
watch and pray, lest I enter into temptation I Lorenzo 
went on, and found my poor brother-in-law in a wretched 
state of mind, and every thing that he had was in a 
ruinous condition ; and furthermore, they had run so 
deeply in debt that it was impossible for my brother-in- 
1 law to extricate himself from it. He had made a con- 
tract with a couple of girls for a tract of land that had a 
mill-seat upon it, and began to build a mill, without a 
title to the land ! When Lorenzo came, he wished 
Lorenzo to assist him to procure the land, that he might 
not be in danger of losing his labour. Lorenzo felt a 
very great reluctance to engage in any thing of the kind ? 
but by the persuasion of friends he was prevailed upon 
to make a contract with the girls for the land, and like- 
wise paid the old man for his labour^ as he desired to 



THE WILDERNESS. 



return to the state of New York. There was consider- 
able less than one hundred acres, with a log cabin upon 
it— he paid a very enormous price, which was a great 
disadvantage ; as Lorenzo was not a man that felt a 
freedom to have much to do with the world, except when 
he could not well avoid it. After he .got the place, he 
scarcely knew what to do with it: The mill was not 
finished ; there was a dam and mill frame, but the dam 
had broke, and it was uncertain whether it could be made 
to stand, as the banks of the stream that it was erected 
£>n were so subject to wash in times of high waters 
There was a man who thought he could make it stand: 
Lorenzo made an offer to him of the place, if he would 
take it, and make a mill upon it, he should have one half 
of the mill. Accordingly he undertook, and repaired the 
<dam, so that it sawed some that winter- He intended to 
tear up the old foundation, and build entirely on another 
plan — and was to have the use of the old mill until he 
should get the other .finished. 

People in that country appeared anxious that Lorenzo 
should eome to that part of the world, and get a residence: 
they talked that they would assist us in any thing that 
we needed ; and as Lorenzo thought that it might be 
best to prepare for sickness, and for whatever might 
befall iis, fee concluded to come for me and 'bring <me 
with him to that country. I had felt a great desire to go 
to the Mississippi, before my friends had conducted them- 
selves in that wretched way, but now I felt a reluctance 
to going, for it appeared to me that I could not hold up 
my head in the place, where my own sister had disgraced 
herself and me. My heart recoiled at the thought of 
being a mark, as I knew I must, for people to look aL 
and say, That is a sister to such a woman ; and she had 
Jbeen guilty of an odious crime. But as my Lorenzo 
thought it would be best for me to go, I made no objec- 
tion. He returned in June to Cumberland, i^Virginta^ 
and we started for the North, and went on to New York, 
where we stayed a few days— and from thence to Albany,. 
where Lorenzo left me, and continued to journey on to 
his father's, in Connecticut, being gone six or seven 
weeks, 

I stayed in Albany part of the time, and Troy, and 1 



40 



VICISSITUDES IN 



also went to see my brother, that lived near Schenectady ! 
he did not profess religion, but was friendly to it— I stayed 
there a few days. 

There was a Camp-Meeting within eight or ten miles ? 
where I expected to meet Lorenzo : my brother and his 
wife went with me to the place on the commencement 
of it, and there to my great joy I met my companion^ 
with many others of my acquaintance, that I had been 
acquainted with many years before. The meeting was 
attended with good to many — we stayed until the close, 
and then we went with some very kind friends to Troy, 
who gave Lorenzo a good suit of clothes, and were as 
affectionate td us as people could be. 

My brother-in-law, who came from the Mississippi 
had been to the place that he left when he removed to 
the South; was at the meeting, and came down to Troy 
after us, as Lorenzo was to let him have some books on 
the account of his labour at the Mississippi — he did so — 
but this was not the end of trouble to us. It gave me 
inexpressible pain to see the man that I thought had been 
the eause, in one sense, of the destruction of my poor 
sister; for he had been an unkind husband in the days 
that were past. Although I could not excuse her, yet I 
believe, if he had done as he ought, she never would 
have become what she did. But they were not equally 
yoked together : he had some good traits in his character 
but he was indolent, and a bad economist, — consequently 
kept them behind hand. She was industrious, and would 
have managed well, if she had been united to a man that 
would have stood in his place, and made her known, and 
kept her's — for she possessed a turbulent disposition* 
But he was neither a good husband, nor a good manager : 
that made her fret at him, and he would not take it from 
her. Thus it was a means of their living a consider- 
able part oi their time in discontent : but after they both 
experienced religion, they lived more agreeable, until 
they removed to the Mississippi, and she fell in with that 
young man, who proved her ruin.* 



* From a train of circumstances, which" correspond and hang 
together like a chain of truth, it appears, that there was a combination 



THE WILDERNESS. 



41 



We parted with our friends at Troy, after getting a 
small wagon and two horses, and what little we could 
get together, and started across the country to the Western 
waters, in company with a young man that came with us 
from Europe, and a brother Valentine, from the state of 
New York, who wished to go to that country. We tra- 
velled with as little expense as possible, through the 
state of Pennsylvania, and struck the Ohio River at 
Wheeling, where we stayed for near two weeks, at a 
Quaker's, who was very kind to me. Lorenzo strove 
to get a passage in a flat-bottomed boat, where they 
frequently took horses, carriages, and produce, with fami- 
lies that are wishing to remove to that country — but he 
could not obtain one that would take his horses, conse- 
quently he was under the necessity of taking his horses 
through by land: he met with a person who was going 
down the river with a loaded barge to Natchez — they 
engaged to carry me with some trunks, and other baggage. 
These people were friendly Quakers, who owned the 
boat that Lorenzo had engaged my passage in. But they 
were not ready to sail for some time; accordingly Lorenzo 
left me with the young man that came with us from 
Europe, to go down the river in this boat, while he went 
on by land. I felt very gloomy to be left among strangers, 
and to go on board a boat with a company of men, with- 
out one woman for a companion. 

But the people in Wheeling were very kind to me 
while I stayed there, after Lorenzo left me, which gave 
me much satisfaction. They provided me with many 
necessaries for the voyage, such as sugar, and tea, and 
other things to make me comfortable, for which may the 
Lord reward them. 

I stayed at Wheeling between one and two weeks after 
Lorenzo left me. In that time the people who owned 
the boat sold it to a couple of doctors from Virginia, 



of Deists, one of whom was a physician, sought the overthrow of 
the family: through the object of temporal gain, (they being a family 
connection of those who owned the mill-seat,) and to bring a stigma 
upon the cause of religion ! — JShe was considerably over forty years 
of age at this time of her life! 

4 



42 



VICISSITUDES IN 



with all that appertained to it ; but they made a reserve 
for me still to go in the boat. This was a very trying 
time to me : the people that owned the boat, when 
Lorenzo applied for me to go down in it, were plain 
Quakers, and they promised Lorenzo to take good care 
of me ; but the man that had bought the boat was quite 
of a different appearance, although he was in a gentle- 
man's garb. The young man that was with me went as 
a hand to help work the boat;— we went on board at 
evening— the barge was laden with flour and cider, and 
various kinds of produce that were fitted for tbe Nat- 
chez; — there was a small cabin, where there were two 
births, where three or four persons might sleep tolerably 
comfortable. There I was obliged to rest at night: and 
there was a small vacancy between this cabin and the 
other part of the boat, where they had run up a small 
chimney, where they could cook provisions. In this 
gloomy situation, I was fixed to start for the Missis- 
sippi, where I knew I must meet with many trials, if 
ever 1 should reach there. 

The river, at the time when we started, was very low, 
and we made but slow progress for many days together. 
I could not set my foot on land — shut up in a boat, with 
none but men, and those of that class who neither feared 
God or man : though they, for the most part, treated me 
with civility. None can tell how disagreeable such a 
situation is, but those who have passed through some 
things similar. 

We left Wheeling' about the last of October. The 
boat stopped at Lymestone in Kentucky, for part of one 
day and a night : there Lorenzo had some acquaintances ; 
and when they found out that I was on board of this 
boat, some of them came down to see me, and invited 
me to go on shore and stay the night, which I accepted 
with thankfulness. 

I had some hope that Lorenzo would arrive there 
before the boat would start in the morning. O how 
anxiously I looked out for him, but he did not come — 
and had to go on board the boat very early in the mor- 
ning, and continue on my journey with a very heavy 
heart. My mind was much depressed — the prospects 
before me were dark, when I should reach my place of 



THE WILDERNESS. 



4b 



destination: and the weather was uncommonly cold for 
that climate and season. 

After being confined on board of the boat for six weeks ? 
we reached the mouth of Byopeare, about twelve miles 
from Gibson Port, which was forty miles from Natchez. 
We left the boat, myself and the young man that was 
with me — took our things to a public' house ; but that was 
ten or twelve miles from the place that we wished to get 
I had never been in that country before, but Lorenzo had 
several times 5 and hence I had some grounds to expect I 
should find some friends, as many of them had manifested 
a desire that I should come to that country : but my sister 
had conducted in such a manner, that it made my way 
difficult ; and how to get to the neighbourhood that I 
wished to go to, I did not know. 

However, brother Valentine, that came with us from 
the state of New York, travelled by land with Lorenzo 
as far as Lymestone, and then put his horse on board of 
a boat, and worked his passage down to the same place 
that I was at. I landed at night, and he came in the 
morning — so that I was provided for. We left our things 
at this public house, and I rode the horse, while he and 
the young man walked about twelve miles through the 
mud. This was about the twelfth of January. We 
stayed at Gibson Port that night, about four miles from 
the place where my sister had lived, and brought such a 
stain on the cause of religion. W^e were all strangers ; 
but Lorenzo had wrote to some friends that we were 
coming — and furthermore, he had requested them if I 
should arrive before him, that they would take care of me 
until he should come* 

We left Gibson Port and went to the neighbourhood 
of the mill, to the house of Samuel Cobun. He did not 
profess religion, though he was very kind and humane ; 
out he had two sisters, that were members of the Metho- 
dist church. He had no wife living, and they lived with 
him to take care of his family — they had been friends to 
my sister, when she first went to that country. They 
received me, apparently with affection, which was a con- 
solation to my heart ; for I expected to meet with many 
a cool look on the account of my poor unfortunate sister ; 
which I expect I did ; but I do not blame them, as it had 



44 



VICISSITUDES IN 



given them so much pain— but I could not help it. How- 
ever^ I stayed at Mr. Cobun's until Lorenzo came ; as 
those that professed religion seemed not to take much 
notice of me. When Lorenzo left me at Wheeling, he 
went on through the states of Ohio, Kentucky, and Ten- 
nessee, and so on through the Indian country to the 
Mississippi territory. 

A man that was a Methodist and preached, who had 
appeared very friendly to Lorenzo in days that were past, 
to whom Lorenzo had written, and requested him, if I 
should reach there before him, that this friend would per- 
mit me to stay with him. until he should arrive ! But he 
did not seem very anxious that I should stay at his house t 
he came over to Mr. Cobun's, which was six or seven 
miles, to see me, and requested me to come and see 
them ; as though I had been fixed in a comfortable situa- 
tion, with everv thing that I needed. But it was quite 
the reverse with me ; I had neither house nor friends in 
that country, without the people chose to befriend me. I 
was a stranger in a strange land ; in the neighbourhood, 
where my nearest relatives had conducted very impro- 
perly, and I expect that was one cause why the friends 
kept so distant : however, the family that I was with was 
very kind ! I went once to this friend's house, before 
Lorenzo arrived, which was somewhere about two weeks ; 
I stayed there one night, and then returned to Mr. 
Cobun's, where I stayed until Lorenzo came to me. 

The winter had been uncommonly severe, and he had 
a very distressing time through the wilderness, but Pro- 
vidence had brought him through in safety, which was a 
matter of rejoicing to my poor heart. 

The cloud that had been gathering for some time, 
grew darker and darker, so that we scarcely knew which 
way to turn, or how to extricate ourselves from the diffi- 
culties that my imprudent friends had brought us into on 
every side : they had run in debt to merchants, making 
the impression, that when Lorenzo came from Europe, 
he would pay all. There was some that had befriended 
them on Lorenzo's account ; these he felt it was his duty 
to compensate, which he did. My brother-in-law had 
made a contract with some people in that country for a 
tract of land, on which was a mill-seat - } and without any 



THE WILDERNESS. 



45 



title whatever, before we returned from Europe he went 
to building a mill, which involved them still deeper in 
debt ; and, after Lorenzo returned from Europe and went 
to that country, which had been nearly twelve months 
after, and finding him in such a distressed situation, that 
he, out of pity, stept in to assist him as a kind of mediator, 
they cast the whole burthen on his shoulders, which 
proved a heavy one to Lorenzo. 

We arrived there in January. — We had a couple of 
tolerable good horses, and a small wagon, and some 
money ; but we were under the necessity of parting with 
them, and what little money we had was soon gone. 
The old mill-frame, which was all that was done to the 
mill, Lorenzo let a man take on such terms as these — 
that he might undertake to build a mill, if he chose, 
without any rruore expense to Lorenzo \ and if he could 
make one stand, Lorenzo should be entitled to one half. 

We stayed with a family near the mill frame from 
March until July ; in this time I was taken sick with the 
fever that is common in that country, on the day that 
Lorenzo had resolved to prepare to start for Georgia, and 
my life was despaired of; and the people that had appeared 
so desirous that we should come to that country, forsook 
us ; and had not the man that was styled a Deist, that 
first received me into his house, befriended us now, I 
know not what I should have done ; his two sisters, Eliza- 
beth and Ann Cobun, were friends indeed : Ann stayed 
with me night and day for about three weeks, and then 
we were under the necessity of removing from this house 
somewhere else ; and where to go we could not tell ! 

However, Mr. Cobun gave us permission to come and 
stay at his house as long as we chose ; but I was so low 
at that time that I could not sit up at all. They sewed 
some blankets together over a frame, similar to a bier to 
carry the dead, and layed a bed upon it, and laid me 
thereon, and two black men conveyed me to his house, 
which was perhaps a mile. 

The next day Lorenzo was taken very ill also. There 
we were both confined to our beds, unable to help each 
other to as much as a drink of water. At that time 
Lorenzo could not have commanded one dollar, to have 
procured so much as a little medicine. 
5* 



46 



VICISSITUDES IN 



This was a trying time ; and when the storm would be 
over, we could not tell— but the Lord supported us under 
these distressing circumstances, or we must have sunk 
beneath the weight. Forever praised be the adored name 
©f our great Benefactor for all his mercies unto us. 

My fever began to abate, but Lorenzo grew worse ; 
and it was doubtful which way it would terminate with 
him. O the anguish of heart I felt at this trying junc- 
ture ! I was still so low that I could not sit up but very 
little, nor walk without assistance, and we were altogether 
dependent on others for the necessaries of life. Lorenzo 
appeared to be fast approaching to eternity, but after 
some weeks he began to gain a little, so that he was able 
to ride a few miles at a time, and we then removed to 
brother Randal Gibson's, where we stayed a few days. 
I was still unable to work, as I then had the common 
ague and fever : which kept me very weak and feeble. 
After staying there for some time, perhaps two weeks, 
we returned to friend Baker's, near the mill. Lorenzo 
held meetings as much as he was able, and perhaps 
more, although he was so weak in body and depressed in 
mind, he did not slack his labours, but preached frequently 
sitting or laying down. There was a young man, who 
died about six or seven miles from where we then were, 
desired Lorenzo should preach at his funeral : he was 
still very feeble, but wished to be of some use to his 
fellow mortals, the few days he might have to stay in 
this world of woe. 

He started soon in the morning to attend the funeral, 
and brother Baker with him. This was on Sundays- 
he preached to a crowded congregation, with considerable 
liberty ; the people were tender and attentive. After the 
conclusion of the ceremony, he started to return to brother 
Baker's, where he had left me, and had rode but a few 
miles before he was taken suddenly ill, and would have 
fallen from his horse, if friend Baker had not saw chat 
something was the matter ; and being active, he sprang 
from his horse, and caught him before he fell to the 
ground; and as it happened they were near a small 
cabin, that was occupied by a man that professed religion. 
They conveyed him into it senseless, and so he continued 
for some time ; and when he came to himself he was in 



THE WILDERNESS, 



4? 



the most excruciating pain imaginable. They gave him 
a large quantity of laudanum, which gave him some little 
relief; but he could not be removed from that place, 

Brother Baker stayed with him until nearly night, and 
then came home. I had become very uneasy in my mind 
on his account, as he did not return according to my 
expectation ; when this friend came and told me Lorenzo's 
situation,— my heart trembled lest I should be called to 
relinquish my claim, and resign him up to the pale mes- 
senger. It made me cry mightily to God to give me 
strength to say, " The will of the Lord be done." I had 
no reason to doubt, if the great Master saw it best to 
remove him from this region of pain, he would be con- 
veyed by angelic bands to the realms of peace and happi- 
ness, where he would have to suffer no more pain and 
affliction, neither of body or mind ; — but it was a task too 
hard for me to accomplish, without the immediate assist- 
ance of the Friend of sinners. 

I slept but little that night, and early the next morning 
the friend at whose house Lorenzo was, came with two 
horses to take me to him — when I arrived there, I found 
him in a very distressed situation ; he couid not be moved 
in any position whatever, without the greatest pain ; he 
could lie no way, except on his back, and in this position 
he lay for ten days. The disorder was in his left side, and 
across his bowels; I was apprehensive it would terminate 
in a mortification, and others I believe were of the same 
opinion. One day we thought he was dying, the whole 
day ; he was unable to speak for the greater part of the 
day. My mind was in such a state of anxiety as I had 
never experienced before ; however, that appeared to be 
the turning point — for the next day he was something 
better, and continued to mend slowly ; and in a few days 
he had gained so much strength as*to ride about a mile 
to a quarterly meeting — and a precious time it was to me ? 
and many others. 

what an indulgent parent we have to rely upon! 
May my heart ever feel sensations of gratitude to that 
God who hath cleared my way through the storms of 
affliction, and various other difficulties. 

1 had not recovered my health fully at this time. The 
people, it appeared to me, were almost tired of us in 



48 



VICISSITUDES IN 



every direction. I was unable to labour for a living, and 
Lorenzo was so feeble in body that he could preach but 
little ; consequently we were entirely dependent on others 
for a subsistence. 

We continued in the neighbourhood where Lorenzo 
had been sick, and that of the mill, until the first of 
January, and then left that part for a friend's house, 
twelve or fourteen miles off; their house was small, and 
family large, which made it very inconvenient to them 
and us, although they were very kind and friendly. 

Our situation at this time was truly distressing— we 
scarcely knew which way to turn. Lorenzo concluded it 
was best to strive to prepare some place as a shelter from 
the storms that appeared to have come to such a pitch, 
as not to admit of rising much higher. Sickness and 
poverty had assailed us on every side ; and many, such 
as had professed to be our friends, forsook us in that 
country as well as in the States. It was circulating 
through many parts that we were at that time rolling in 
riches, surrounded with plenty. The old mill-frame, 
(for it was never finished,) had made such a noise in the 
world, that many had been led to believe that we pos- 
sessed a large 'plantation, with an elegant house, and 
other necessary appurtenances, together with two or three 
mills, and a number of slaves, beside money at interest. 
Whilst this was carried from east to west, and from north 
to south, and the people supposing that Lorenzo had 
ranged the wide fields of America, and also of Europe, 
to gather up worldly treasure, and had gone to the Mis- 
sissippi to enjoy it, would of course make a very unfa- 
vourable impression on their minds, as it related to his 
motives in travelling in such an irregular manner as he 
had done. 

We were, as I observed before, in quite a different 
situation — without house or home, or any thing of conse- 
quence that we could call our own. 

There was a tract of land, lying in the midst of a thick 
Cane-break, on which was a beautiful spring of water, 
breaking out at the foot of a large hill, which some per- 
son had told Lorenzo of: the soil belonged to the United 
States, and the cane was almost impenetrable, from thirty 
to forty feet high ; and likewise it was inhabited by wild 



THE WILDERNESS, 



49 



beasts of prey, of various kinds, and serpents of the 
most poisonous nature. Notwithstanding these gloomy 
circumstances, Lorenzo got a man to go with him to look 
at it, to see if it would do for an asylum for us to fly to, 
provided we could get a little cabin erected near the 
spring. After he had taken a survey of the place, he 
concluded to make a trial, and employed a man accord- 
ingly to put up a small log ca&in, within ten or twelve 
feet of the spring, which he did, after cutting down the 
cane for to set it— a way was made through from a public 
road to the spot, so that we could ride on horseback or go 
on foot. We obtained a few utensils for keeping house, 
and in March we removed to our little place of residence, 
in the wilderness, or rather it appeared like the habitation 
of some exiles ; — but it was a sweet place to me — I felt 
i was at home, and many times the Lord was precious to 
my souL 

There was a man who had resided in Philadelphia, 
and by some means had got involved in debt, and left 
there to reside in this country. He had a wife and one 
child : once he had belonged to the Methodist Society, 
and then backslid ; but after he came to that country he 
was brought into trying circumstances, which brought 
him to reflect on his present situation; and meeting with 
Lorenzo in this time, there began some intimacy between 
them on this occasion : after this he wished to return to 
Philadelphia for a short time, and wanted some place for 
his wife to stay at while he should be gone ; consequently 
he requested us to let her stay with us at our little cabin, 
which was agreed to — she came, and this made up our 
little family. She was a peaceable, friendly woman, 
and we spent the time quite agreeably; although we were 
left by ourselves for days together, Lorenzo being fre- 
quently called from home to attend meetings, and to pro- 
cure the necessaries of life ! 

The people were much surprised when they came to 
our little residence, how we came to fix on such a lonely 
place as this to retreat to ! — This is a proof, that experi- 
ence teaches more than otherwise we could learn : we 
had felt the want of a home in the time of trouble and 
sickness. This was a pleasant retreat to us: the wilder- 
ness appeared almost like a paradise to me ! There were 



50 



VICISSITUDES IN 



but two ways we could get to our neighbours, the nearest 
of which was more than half a mile, and the way so 
intricate, that it would be almost impossible for any one 
to find it, or get through either place in the night 

We stayed there for near four months ; in that time 
Lorenzo preached as much as his strength would admit. 
We were sometimes very closely run to get what was 
necessary to make us comfortable ; yet I felt quite con- 
tented. I had in a good degree regained my health, so 
that I was able to labour, and I strove to do all that I 
could for a living, although my situation was such, that I 
could not do as much as I wished ; but the Lord provided 
for us, beyond what we could have expected. We did 
not know how long we should stay in that place; we had 
no other alternative but to stay there, until Providence 
should open some other way. 

The man that had left his wife with us, and started 
for the city of Philadelphia, went as far as the falls of 
Ohio, and got discouraged, and getting into a boat, he 
returned to us in the cane : there we had an addition to 
our family, this man, and his wife, and child. The chief 
of the burthen fell to my lot, to do for them and our- 
selves, which Lorenzo thought was too much for me to 
go through with — and the man seemed not to give him- 
self much concern about it, his wife being in a situation 
that would require more attention than I should be able 
to give, we thought it was best to make our way to the 
States, if possible ; as we had been defeated in almost 
ev&ry thing that we had undertaken in that country. 
Accordingly, Lorenzo made some arrangements to pre- 
pare to leave it. He let the man that was with us, have 
possession of the house and spring, and what little we 
had for family use, as it relates to house-keeping, and 
took a horse for the intended journey. We left the 
peaceful retreat of the spring, where I had enjoyed some 
refreshings from the presence of the Lord ; and were 
again cast on the world, without any thing to depend 
upon but Providence. However, he had never forsaken 
us: his power and willingness to save all that trust in 
him was still the same ; and as he had promised that he 
would be with us in six troubles, and in the seventh that 
he would not forsake us : so it proved in the end. We 



THE WILDERNESS, 



61 



left the little cabin on Sunday morning, to attend an 
appointment that Lorenzo had given out, twelve or four- 
teen miles distance from there, on horseback, where we 
arrived in time — he preached to an attentive congrega- 
tion. This was about six miles from CoburCs^ where we 
had found an asylum in days that were past. We left 
the place where the meeting was held, and started for 
Mr. Cobun'e, but we lost our way, by taking a foot-path 
that we supposed was nearer, and wandered in the woods 
until almost night, before we came to the place that we 
were in pursuit of : but at last we got to the place, where 
we met with sister Cobun, and with brother Valentine, 
who had been back to the state of New York for his 
family, and had arrived here a few weeks previous. 

We did not intend to stay in the country any longer 
than we could make the necessary arrangements for our 
journey through the wilderness to Georgia. Lorenzo 
turned every way that he could, to obtain what was 
necessary, and had got all ready to start, our clothes and 
every thing being packed up, we concluded to attend a 
camp-meeting about six miles from the neighbourhood of 
the old mill-frame, and then continue on our journey : 
but Providence seemed not to favour our intentions at 
that time, for I was taken sick, and unable to travel ; 
consequently, Lorenzo was under the necessity of leaving 
me behind, and going through without me — but he stayed 
for several weeks longer, until I had in some degree 
recovered my health. He had made some preparations 
for me to be provided for in his absence. Brother Valen- 
tine had erected a small log-house on public ground, near 
the mill-frame, and contiguous to the little tract that 
Lorenzo still retained of perhaps five and-twenty acres, 
This house, in conjunction with the sister Cobuns, he 
obtained from Mr, Valentine, for us to reside in, while 
he should take a tour through the States. 

He had let another man have a part of the right that 
he still held in the mill, if ever it should be made to do 
any business ; consequently, this left him but one fourth, 
and that was in a state of uncertainty, whether it would 
ever be of any use to him, which the sequel has since 
proved to be the case. 

About this time my poor unfortunate sister finished her 



VICISSITUDES IN 



career, and was called to a world of spirits, to give an 
account for the deeds done in the body ! I felt very awful 
when I first heard the news — but I considered that we 
had done all in our power to bring her back to the paths 
of rectitude. Lorenzo had seen her three times : the 
first, on purpose-— the second, on the road— the third, she 
came to meeting thirty miles to see me, but I was not 
there— and strove by every argument to prevail on her to 
come to us, and forsake the way of vice and strive to 
seek her soul's salvation, and we would strive to do the 
part of childrnn by her. But she would not — alledging 
that she could not bear the scoifs of her acquaintance. 
When Lorenzo found that she was determined to stay 
with the person that she had apostatized for, he told her 
to read the counsel of Jeremiah to Zedekiah, on their 
last interview, and look at the sequel, and make the 
application, at whuji she wept as they parted. This 
was the last time that he ever saw her ; she was taken 
sick shortly after, and died in a strange land, without a 
friend to drop a tear of compassion over her in her last 
moments ! The person that had been her seducer went 
on like one distracted — his wickedness and evil condoct, 
no doubt, stared him in the face, when he reflected that 
he had been the cause of one, who had once enjoyed the 
Divine favour, losing that blessing, and falling into sin 
of such an enormous nature as she had been guilty of — 
and I know not but he might have been the cause of her 
sudden departure; but I leave that until the day when 
the secrets of all hearts shall be disclosed ! 

She was interred in a lonely place, where, perhaps, in 
a few years the spot of earth cannot be found, that con- 
tains her ashes.* 



* The foregoing unfortunate circumstances, are necessarily involv* 
ed iu the thread of those vicissitudes, which are connected in the 
narrative in order to be explicit — seeing the circumstances were 
generally known, but in many respects greatly misrepresented^ 
through the prejudice and ambition of some, to block up the way 
and destroy the reputation of Lorenzo, by unfavourable impressions 
m the public mind. Many, through false modesty and pride, are 
willing to claim relationship with some, because they are considered 
m the higher circles of life; which they would be ashamed of t if it 



THE WILDERNESS, 



§3 



that this may be a warning to all that may peruse 
this short account of the fall of one that might have 
proved a blessing to society \ and a comfort to her friends, 
if she had kept at the feet of her Saviour, and attended 
to the dictates of that Spirit which teaches humility. 

1 was much afflicted on the account of my poor sister- 
she had lain near my heart : but I was enabled to give 
her up, knowing that she was gone to a Just Tribunal, 
and her state unalterably fixed. What remained for me 
to do, was, to strive to make my way safely through a 
tempestuous world, to a glorious eternity. 

Lorenzo had made the necessary preparations for me 
to stay with the sister Cobuns, and for him to take his 
departure for the States, not expecting to return in less 
than twelve months ; — this was something of a cross to 
me, as he was still considerably afflicted in body, and to 
appearance, would never enjoy health again. But I 
was supported under it, so that I felt in a great measure 
resigned to this dispensation also. I was supplied with 
what I needed to make me comfortable. 

I had joined society when I first came to this country, 
within a mile of the place I then lived. I lived in great 
harmony with my two companions that Lorenzo had left 
me with, while he had gone to visit the States once 
more. I attended meeting regularly every week, and 
had many precious times to my soul. I had some trials 
to encounter, but the Lord was my helper, and brought 
me through them all. I was desirous to return to some 
part of the States, if Providence should spare Lorenzo, 
and he should again come back to me in safety. 

He left me in October, I spent that winter and the next 
summer, as agreeably as I had done such a length of time 
in almost any situation that I had been placed in for 
several years ; at the Lame time these people that had 
pretended a great deal of friendship to us in former times 5 
were quite distant : however, this affected me but little. 



was not for their money— as worth is generally estimated according 
to a man's property, agreeable to the old saying, "Money makes the 
man :"— Whereas, what am I the worse for others vices , or better 
for their worth and merit, if I have no virtues of my own ? 



vicissitudes m 



as I had learned in some degree this lesson, that our 
happiness does not depend on the smiles or frowns of the 
world 5 but we must have peace in our own breast, or we 
can find it no where else. 

I lived quite retired from the world, with a few excep- 
tions : I seldom went out but to meeting — there I found 
most peace and consolation. Thus I continued to spend 
my time, until the period that Lorenzo was to return. 

I received a letter from him, to meet him about twelve 
miles from where I then was, where he had sent an 
appointment to preach. — This was pleasing intelligence 
to me, as I had then been separated from him for near 
twelve months. 

I went the day before the time appointed for him to 
arrive at the place ; and the day that he came I was 
again attacked with the ague and fever, which I had 
never escaped for one summer while I was in that coun- 
try. The ague had left me, and the fever was tolerable 
high when it was observed by some of the family that 
Lorenzo was come ! My heart leaped for joy at the 
sound of his name. We met, after having been separated 
for twelve months and six days. I felt some degree of 
gratitude to our great Preserver, that he had brought us 
through many dangers and difficulties, which we had met 
with during our separation. 

We intended to return to the States, as soon as we 
could get prepared. There was a large congregation 
attended to hear Lorenzo preach ; and it was a solemn, 
melting time among the people ! after meeting we started 
for the place that I had made my home in his absence. 
Although I was quite unwell, in consequence of having 
a fit of the ague the day before, we rode twelve miles, in 
company with several friends that had come from the 
neighbourhood to meet him. 

It was ten o'clock before we reached our destination : 
however, we were very much rejoiced to have the privi- 
lege of joining our hearts and voices in prayer and praise 
to that God who had prolonged our lives, and brought us 
to meet again on mortal shores. The next day I had a 
very sick day — the ague came on more severely than it 
was the day that Lorenzo came back ! He wished to 
make ready to leave the territory, and I was anxious to 



THE WILDERNESS. 



55 



go with him, as I could not enjoy health in that country. 
I made use of some means to get rid of the ague, and it 
had the desired effect, so that after a few days I got some- 
thing better, and in about two or three weeks I was able 
to start on our journey through the wilderness to Georgia. 

Lorenzo had intended to .have stayed longer than he 
did when he returned, and had given out a chain of 
app®intments through the country; but reflecting that 
the winter rains might come on, and make it impossible 
for me to get through the long and tedious wilderness 
that we had to travel — consequently, he attended but one 
or two of these appointments, and recalled the rest, and 
started for Natchez, where we got what was necessary 
for our journey, and from thence we made the best of our 
way to the wilderness, although our friends expected us 
to have returned and bid them farewell, and I myself 
expected to have seen them again before I left that 
country ; but it was otherwise ordered, for I saw them 
no more ; and I do not know that I ever shall, until we 
meet in eternity. May God help us to live, that we may 
join the blood-washed throng, in the mansions of endless 
day. 

We reached the outskirts of the settlements of Nat- 
chez on the third day after we left the city. It was some- 
thing late in the day before we left the last house inhabited 
by white people, and entered the vast wilderness. This 
was a new scene to me, such as I had never met with 
before. My heart trembled at the thought of sleeping 
out in this desert place, with no company but my hus- 
band : however, little before sunset Ave came to a place 
where we could get water and plenty of cane for our 
horses. There we stopped for the night, built a fire, and 
cut a quantity of cane for to last our horses through the 
night ; after that we prepared our supper, which consisted 
of coffee and hard biscuit, which we had brought from the 
settlements with'us. We had no tent to screen us from the 
inclement weather, but we had blankets on which we slept 
which made us tolerably comfortable when the weather 
was clear. We lay down, after having prepared a quantity 
of wood for the night ; but it was a gloomy night to me, 
it being the first time that I ever had been in the like 
circumstances ; and to look up and see the wide extended 
4 



m 



vicissitudes m 



concave of heaven bespangled with stars, without a&f 
covering, it was truly majestic. Yet to consider we were 
in a lonely desert, uninhabited by any creature but wild 
beasts and savages, made me feel very much; alarmed^ 
and I slept but little, while Lorenzo was quite happy a*nd 
composed? as he observed, he had never been so welfc 
pleased with his situation in travelling through this wild 
unfrequented part of the country before ; and this was the 
tenth time that he had passed through it, in the space of 
nine or ten years ! 

We met with no molestation through the night, and as 
soon as day dawned we started on and travelled until 
late breakfast time, when we stopped, struck up a fire, 
and prepared some refreshment, and fed our horses, and 
then continued on our journey. 

We travelled near forty miles that day ; it was quit© 
dark before we g!©t to Pearl River, which we had to cross 
in a ferry boat, and st&y at a house, such as it was, that 
belonged to a Half Breed, during the night, I was very 
much fatigued, but rested tolerably welh 

In the morning we started by ourselves soon after we 
had got some refreshment, and travelled on through the 
day until towards evening, when we met a company of 
Indians, who had been preparing their camp for the 
night. This struck me with some considerable dread, 
and* to* add to that we had to cross a ekeadful slough, 
called by travellers, iL hell hole" This place consisted 
of thin mud, so that horses after they were stripped of 
saddle" and harness, could swim through ; and then it was 
necessary that some one should be on the other, side, so 
as to prevent them from running away. But we had no 
one with us to assist, and we could not tell what we 
should do : yet so it happened, the Indians had made a 
temporary bridge of poles and canes to get their horses 
over, which served for us to get over upon also. 

We were then under the necessity of preparing for the 
night, as it was almost sun-set, and we were not more 
than half a mile from the Indian's camp, which was 
quite alarming to me ; but there was no alternative, there 
we must stay, Accordingly, Lorenzo made a good fire, 
and provided a plenty of cane for our horses, and made 
ready out little repast ; by this time it wa$ dark— we 



THE WILDERNESS. 



5? 



then lay down to try to compose ourselves to rest ; but 
my mind was too much occupied by gloomy reflections 
to sleep, while I oould hear Indians' barking, and 
die horses' bells gingle^ although it was a -beautiful night, 
The moon shone through the trees with greai splendour, 
and the stars twinkling around 9 -and If my mind had 
been in a right frame, it would haw been a -beautiful 
prospect to me, but I was so much afraid, that it quite 
deprived me of any satisfaction, while Lorenzo would 
have slept sweetly, if I had not been so fearful, and fre- 
quently disturbed him — -I longed for day-light to appear ; 
and as soon as k dawned we started and travelled a long 
and tedious day, still &n this dreary wilderness. We 
expected to -have got to a. man's house, living on the 
Chickasaha River, who had an Indian family, before 
flight ; accordingly we came to a creek, which Lorenzo 
took to he that river: I felt very much rejoiced, as I hoped 
te find a house which we could have the privilege of 
sleeping in — but we were disappointed in our expecta- 
tion — for when we got over the ereek we found there an 
Indian *virikge:: we enquired how far it was so this man's 
house, they told us by signs it was ten miles, and it was 
now almost sun-set. We starred on again, and went 
perhaps half a mile, when the path became divided 
into so many little divisions, that we could not tell 
which to take. Lorenzo went back to an Indian house, 
and requested an old Indian to go and^)ilot us to Nales 
— the old man hesitated at first, but after understand- 
ing that he should fee well paid, he took his blanket 
and wrapping it about his head, he started on before us, 
and we followed after — by this time it was almost sun- 
set, hut we kept on.: there was a moon, though it was 
obscured *by a thin doiKi, so that it was not of so much 
use to us as it would otherwise have been. We had not 
•got more than three miles from the Indian's hoasse before 
it was quite dark- I was very much afraid of our pilot ; 
I strode to lift my heart to God for protection, and felt in 
some degree supported. — Our way lay through a large 
swamp, intermixed with cane, which made it appear 
^ery gloomy ; but our pilot was almost equal to a wolf to 
hnd his way through this wild unfrequented spot of the 
.earth — he could wind about mid keep the path where I 



58 



VICISSITUDES IN 



would have thought it was almost impossible but having 
travelled until ten or eleven o'clock, we arrived at the 
river ; but how to get across, that was the next difficulty— 
we must cross a ferry, and the boat was on the other 
side — Lorenzo requested the old Indian to go over and 
fetch it, but he would not move one step until he promised 
him more money : this was the second or third time he 
had raised his wages after he started, to keep him on, 
until we could reach the place that we wished for. How- 
ever, after he found that he would get more money, he 
started, and went up the river, found some way across: 
in a short time he had the boat over, and we went into it 
with our horses, and the old man set us over. This was 
perhaps eleven o'clock at night — we came to the house, 
the family was gone to bed, but the woman got up, and 
although she was half Indian, she treated me with more 
attention than many would nave done that had been 
educated among the more refined inhabitants of the 
earth ! 

I felt quite comfortable, and slept sweetly through the 
remaining part of the night. In the morning we started 
again, being then near thirty miles from the settlements 
of Tombigby. We passed through some delightful coun- 
try that day, and about two or three o'clock in the after- 
noon we reached the first house that was inhabited by 
white people. It made my heart rejoice to meet again 
with those that spoke a language which I understood, 
and above all, to find some that loved the Lord ! 

Lorenzo held several meetings in this neighbourhood 
that were profitable, I trust, to some. We stayed here 
two nights, and a good part of three days, when we took 
our leave of them, and departed on our journey through 
the settlements of Bigby, which extends seventy or 
eighty miles in length, through a rich and fertile soil. 
The settlements were nourishing and the people in some 
parts hospitable. We arrived at Fort St. Stephen's^ 
situated on the Tombigby river — it is on an eminence, 
and makes a handsome appearance, although it is but 
small. The river is navigable up to this place. It is a 
beautiful river ; the water is as clear as crystal, and the 
land very fertile— well situated for cultivation. This 
will be a delightful country, no doubt in time 1 



THE WILDERNESS. 



59 



We got fresh supplies at this place, and made but a 
few hours stop before we started on our journey, and 
crossed the river in a ferry-boat—this was after twelve 
o'clock— we travelled until late, and came to a small 
*5abin, where we got permission te stay for the night, 
which we did. In the morning we started very early- 
saw some scattering houses, and at night we got to the 
Alabama river, where there was a ferry, kept by a man 
who was a mixture, where we stayed that night* This 
river is beautiful, almost beyond description* On its 
pleasant bank stood Fort Minis, that has since been 
destroyed by the savage Creek Indians, with those that 
fled to it for protection. 

We were now in the bounds of the Creek nation: we 
were still without any company. — This day we struck 
the road that had been cut out by the order of the Presi- 
dent, from the state of Georgia, to Fort StoddartL This 
made it more pleasant for travelling, and then we fre- 
quently met people removing from the States to the 
Tombigby, and other parts of the Mississippi territory. 

We travelled betwixt thirty and forty miles that day, 
and came to a creek, called Murder creek: it got this 
name in consequence of a man having been murdered 
there. This circumstance made it appear very gloomy 
to me. But we made the necessary preparations for the 
night, and lay down to rest : although I was so much 
afraid, I got so weary at times, that I could not help 
sleeping. About twelve o'clock it began to rain so fast, 
that it was like to put out our fire, and we were under 
the necessity of getting our horses and starting, as we 
had nothing to screen us from the rain. The road having 
been newly cut out, the fresh marked trees served for a 
guide — there was a moon, but it was shut in by clouds. 
However, we travelled on ten or twelve miles and it 
ceased raining : I was very wet and cold, and felt the 
need of a fire, more perhaps than I had ever done in my 
life before ! 

At last we came in sight of a camp, which would 
have made my heart glad, but I feared lest it was 
Indians ; yet to my great satisfaction, when we came to 
it we found an old man and boy, with what little they 
possessed, going to the country we had left behind, and 
4* 



VICISSITUDES IN 



had encamped in this place, and with their blankets had 
made a comfortable tent, and had a good fire. This was 
refreshing to us, as we were much fatigued. We made 
seme coffee, and dried our clothes a little — by this time 
it was day-light ; we then started on our way again. I 
thought my situation had been trying as almost could be, 
but I found that there were others who were worse off 
than myself. 

We came across a family who were moving to the 
Mississippi — they had a number of small children ; and 
although they had something to cover them like a tent, 
yet they suffered considerably from the rain the night 
before : and to add to that, the woman told me they had 
left an aged father at a man's house by the name of 
Manack, one or two days before, and that she expected he 
was dead perhaps by that time. They were as black 
almost as the natives^ and the woman seemed very much 
disturbed at their situation. I felt pity for her — I thought 
her burthen was really heavier than mine. We kept on, 
and about the middle of the day we got to the house 
where the poor man had been left with his wife, son, 
and daughter. A few hours before we got there, he had 
closed his eyes in death — they had lain him out, and 
expected to bury him that evening ; but they could not 
get any thing to make a coffin of, only split stuff to make 
a kind of a box, and so put him in the ground ! 

I thought this would have been such a distress to me, 
had it been my case, that it made my heart ache for the 
old lady. But I found that she was of that class of beings 
that could not be affected with any thing so much as the 
loss of property ; for she began immediately to calculate 
the expense they had been at by this detention— and I 
do not recollect that I saw her shed one tear on the occa- 
sion. 

We stayed but a short time and continued on our 
journey. There we got a supply of bread, such as it 
was ; and there we met with three men that were tra- 
velling our road, the first company that we had found 
since we had left the Mississippi, being now not more 
than one-third of the way through the Creek nation, — 
We left this place betwixt one and two o'clock. 

I was very glad of some company, for we had been 



THE WILDERNES^S. 



6! 



very lonely before. We travelled on without any thing 
particular occurring for three days, until we arrived at the 
Chattahochy river, where we met with some difficulty in 
getting over, as the boat was gone. This was early in 
the morning, before sun-rise, that we came to the river ; 
and there we were detained until ten o'clock, and then 
had to hire an Indian to take a canoe, and first carry our 
baggage over, and then swim our horses over. This 
hindered us until near eleven o'clock before we got ready 
to start again. We were in hopes of getting to Haw- 
kings, the agents, that night — but being so long detained 
at the river, we were obliged to stay at an Indian's camp, 
our company having stopped before. 

I had got a fall from my horse and hurt myself con- 
siderably ; and I was as much fatigued and worn out by 
travelling as ever I was in my life. I thought sometimes 
that I never should stand it, to get through the wildner- 
ness, but Providence gave me strength of body beyond 
what I could have expected. We left the Indian's camp 
in the morning, and reached Col. Hawkings' that night. 

This was within about thirty miles of the settlements 
of Georgia. I felt grateful to the God of all grace, for 
his tender care over us, while in this dreary part of the 
land — where our ears had been saluted by the hideous 
yells of the wolf— and had been surrounded by the sav- 
ages, more wild and fierce than they ; and yet we were 
preserved from all danger, and brought through in safety. 

We got to the river that divides the state of Georgia 
from the Indian boundaries, about three" or four o'clock, 
and got into the white settlements, which was very satis- 
factory to me. We got to a friend's house that night 
about dark, where we were received kindly ! This was 
like a cordial to my heart, as it had been a long time 
since I had met with a friend. 

We stayed that night with them, and the next day we 
got to a friend's house within twelve or fourteen miles 
from Milledgeville, the metropolis of Georgia. There 
Lorenzo had left a small wagon, six weeks or two months 
before — here he exchanged the two horses we had for 
one that would work in a carriage, and went on to Mil- 
ledgeville, where we stayed about a week — and found 
many kind friends. This was sometime in December* 



m 



VICISSITUDES IN 



While we were here the earthquakes began, which 
alarmed the people very much. It was truly an awful 
scene, to feel the house shaking under you as sensibly as 
you could feel the motion of a vessel, when it was mov- 
ing over the water ; and the trees as it were dancing on 
the hills — all nature seemed in commotion. This was 
enough to make the stoutest heart to tremble I But when 
the people get so hardened, that mercies nor judgments 
cannot move them, we may conclude they are in a bad 
way ! This is the case with too many. O that the day 
would arrive, when the inhabitants of the earth would 
love and serve the Lord ! 

We left Milledgeville, and went to a friend's house, 
where I staye-1 three or four weeks, while Lorenzo 
travelled the upper countries, and through the New 
Purchase— and offered free salvation to crowded congre- 
gations. He then returned to where I was, and we started 
on our journey to Virginia. Lorenzo preached at seve- 
ral places before we got to Louisville, and had a chain 
of appointments given out, which extended to North 
Carolina. We came to Louisville, intending to stay only 
for a few days ; but there came on such a rain, that it 
raised the water courses to such a degree, that it was 
impossible for us to travel for near two weeks-— this 
brought him behind his appointments : but it gave him 
an opportunity of preaching to the people in Louisville a 
number of times. 

As soon as we could get along we started, and with 
some difficulty we overtook the appointments — but not 
without disappointing three or four congregations. We 
travelled on from Georgia to Carolina in the cold incle- 
ment weather, such as we have in January and February; 



people seemed quite attentive all the way that we came. 

I was very anxious to get to Lynchburg, as we had 
some thoughts of striving to get a small house built there, 
that we might have a place of retreat in case of neces- 
sity — Lorenzo still expecting to travel and preach as long 
as his strength would admit. But we intended to go on 
to Connecticut, to his father's, where I expected to have 
stayed for some time, and then return to Lynchburg ; but 
the Providence of God seemed not to favour the design. 



and Lorenzo preached once 




THE WILDERNESS. 



We arrived in Lynchburg about the seventeenth of 
March, where we calculated to stay but a few days, and 
then go on to his father's — after making some prepara- 
tions for building our little house. However, we had not 
been in Lynchburg but about one week, before I was 
taken very ill, and confined to my bed, attended by two 
doctors, Jennings and Owen, who said my affliction was 
an inflammation of the liver — which confined me for 
three months to my bed, and was expected to die. How- 
ever, after having gone through a course of physic, I got 
so as to be able to sit up and ride a little ; but was very 
feeble. My sickness had detained Lorenzo from going 
to the Nortn, as he had intended, — and after counting the 
expense of building, he found that it would not be in his 
power to accomplish his design in building a house, with- 
out involving himself in debt, which he was not willing 
to do ; accordingly he gave it up, and concluded still to 
continue as we had been without house or home, and 
leave the event in the hand of Providence; knowing 
that we had been provided for all our lives, from a never- 
failing source — and we felt willing in some degree to 
trust HIM still ! 

We were still at Lynchburg ; and had been there for 
more than three months — and the friends were very kind 
to me in my sickness. 

Lorenzo wished to take me to his father's ; but my 
health was in such a state that it was impossible for me 
to travel. 

There was a man who lived in Buckingham county, 
about five-and-twenty miles from Lynchburg — we had 
but a small acquaintance with him: he, coming to Lynch- 
burg, saw Lorenzo, and invited him to come and stay at 
his house a while. He told him he had no objections, 
but was thankful to him for his kindness, though he saw 
no way of conveyance. Mr. John M. Walker, for that 
was his name, told him he would send his carriage for 
me the next week, which he did, and we went to his 
house. This was a kind family. I had not been there 
but a little more* than a week, before I was again con* 
fined to my bed — and it was expected that I must die, 
They gave every attention to me they could have done 
had I been their own child— may the great Master reward 



VICISSITUDES IN 



them in this world with every needed blessing, and in 
the world to come, a crown of never-fading glory. 

My Lorenzo attended me day and night almost from 
this time, until near Christmas. By this I had got a little 
better, so as to be taken and wrapped in blankets and put 
into a close carriage, and carried about half a mile to 
another dear friend's house, Major William Duval, 
where I was treated as if I had been a near relation — 
and provided with every thing necessary to make me 
comfortable; and they wished me to stay with them all 
the winter. This was matter of thankfulness to us. 

I had got so as to walk about my room a little — and 
Lorenzo wishing to take a tour to the North, he made 
the necessary arrangements, and about the twenty-fifth 
of December he left me and started to Richmond, on his 
way to the city of Washington, where he stayed for some 
time, and then on to New York; and so on to his father's 
in Connecticut. 

He expected to return in March, but did not until May. 
I staid at brother DuvaVs, partaking of their hospitality, 
until sometime in March, when brother Walker's family 
seemed solicitous that I should go to their house again, 
and sister Walker coming in her carriage herself, she 
being very delicate too — I concluded to go. The old 
gentleman not being at home at the time, or I expect he 
would not have consented for me to have left his house, 
until Lorenzo returned. 

I feel under great obligations to that dear family that I 
cannot express. His wife was a lovely woman. May 
the Lord reward them — for it is not in my power I 

I went home with sister Walker. I was at this time 
much better, but in a few days after I had got to brother 
Walker's I was again attacked with my old complaint, a 
pain in my side very severe. I applied to the remedies 
that had been made use of, and that was bleeding and 
blistering, but to little purpose apparently. 

I felt very much discouraged ; as I thought it more 
than probable that my time would be but short in this 
world of woe — and I wished much to see my companion 
once more in time, but strove to be resigned to the will of 
the Lord. 

My cry was— Lord, help me to be willing to suffer all 



THE WILDERNESS, 



*5 



thy goodness sees best to inflict. My pain was at times 
very severe, and then I would get a little relief. I was 
taken about the twenty-seventh of March, but three or 
four days later than it was the Spring before, when I was 
first attacked. 

I had received letters from Lorenzo which informed 
me that he could not get back before May. My strength 
was continually declining ; and to appearance, I would 
shortly be an inhabitant of the other world. My mind 
was variously exercised — it was sometimes cast down, 
and at other times much comforted. This long and 
tedious sickness taught me a great lesson, as it related to 
the uncertainty of earthly enjoyments, than any thing I 
had met with before. My desire for temporalities were 
gone — at least any more than was strictly necessary to 
make me comfortable — and the Lord that cared for us 
had provided me with the kindest friends, where I was 
treated with the greatest attention. 

Lorenzo returned in May, as he had wrote me be 
should. I was at that time unable to get out of my bed 
without assistance. I had wrote to him to New York, 
before I got so bad, that I was threatened with another 
attack. He had made all the speed that he could, and 
the day that he got to the place where I was, he had tra- 
velled near seventy miles. 

I was much rejoiced to see him once more, the God of 
all Grace had granted my request, and returned him in 
safety to me again. He staid with me for several weeks, 
and every means was made use of to restore me to health 
that could be — but they all seemed to prove abortive. 
Dr. Jennings saw me several times after my last attack, 
and advised the use of mercury, as the only remedy that 
could be of any service to me. I followed his advice, 
and was reduced very low, from the disorder and medi- 
cine together — so that it was thought by all who saw me, 
that I must die. 

I strove to sink into the will of God ; knowing what- 
soever was best for me would be given — yet I could not 
divest myself of a desire to get well, and live a little 
longer : not to enjoy what is commonly called the plea- 
sures of the world, for my prospects were but small at 
that time — but to live more to the glory of God, and be 



66 



VICISSITUDES IN 



better prepared to join the blood-washed company above, 
when I should be called for. 

Lorenzo had at this time gone to the low lands, to ful- 
fil some appointments which had been given out by some 
of the preachers, which took him about three weeks. I 
was very ill while he was gone — about the time that he 
returned I began to mend a little, so that I could set up 
in the bed. The Doctor had advised Lorenzo to carry 
me to the White Sulphur Springs, as it was the most 
likely means to restore my health. After a few weeks, I 
had got so as to be taken and put into a chair and carried 
as far as Lynchburg, to Doctor Jennings, We had then 
a chair and horse of our own — but our horse's back had 
got injured, so that we were under the necessity of stay- 
ing in Lynchburg until he should get well, so that we 
could get on to the Springs. 

We were detained for some time before our horse got 
so as we could use him. I still was very feeble in body — 
I could not walk one hundred yards without assistance. 
Our horse had been quite high for near three weeks, and 
his back had got tolerably well ; so that we were about 
to make a start, and try to get on to the Springs — 
but although our horse had brought Lorenzo all the way 
from New-England, and down to the Low Lands of Vir- 
ginia and the Carolinas, and back again to Bucking- 
ham, and from there to Lynchburg in the chair, and 
appeared very gentle ; yet when he put him in the chair 
to prepare to start for the Springs, he began to act like as 
if he was frightened, and we were apprehensive he could 
not be managed by him, considering my weak and help- 
less state ; and the road through which we must travel 
was very rough and mountainous, consequently he sold 
him on the spot, and hired a hack from a Quaker living 
in that place : he paid four dollars a day for the use of it 
for ten days, besides bearing all the expenses. We left 
Lynchburg in the morning, and went the first day to 
New London, about fifteen* miles, and I stood the travel 
much better than I expected I could. There Lorenzo 
preached to the people, as he had some appointments 
sent on before him; and we stayed all night. The next 
day we went to Liberty, where we had another appoint- 
ment — and from there we went to a friend's house, where 



THE WILDERNESS, 



67 



we were treated kindly --and they called in some of their 
neighbours, and we had a comfortable little meeting. 

The next day to Fincastle, where we stayed all night, 
and Lorenzo preached twice. We were now within a 
few miles of the mountains, which was in some places 
so craggy and steep, that it was with difficulty we could 
ascend them ; and then we would come into a valley ? 
where the soil would appear as charming and beautiful 
as the mountains were rugged and barren. We travelled 
on, and met with nothing particular until we arrived at 
the Springs whither we were bound. 

The Springs are situated in Greenbriar county, about 
three miles the other side of the Allegany mountain, and 
from Lynchburg upward of one hundred miles. It is a 
pleasant place where the man lives who has rented the 
Springs, and has built a number of cabins, perhaps fifty 
or sixty « a^d they were placed in a regular form, and the 
yard inclosed, and a beautiful grass plot, with handsome 
shade trees, for the accommodation of those that attend 
the Springs. They have a large house that stands near 
the centre, where the boarders dine, &c. 

We went there, but the person that had hired the 
Springs would not take us in the pretended they were so 
.full that they could not. But they took more after we 
went there than they had before. But we got in at a 
house perhaps a mile from the Spring. I was better 
satisfied with this situation than I would have been at 
the place — for I could have the water brought twice in 
the day ; and there I was in a more retired place. I 
stayed there near three weeks. Lorenzo was there part 
of the time, and part of the time he was travelling through 
the neighbourhoods and preaching to the people. He 
held several meetings at the springs, by the request of 
those that were attending there. There were persons 
from various parts, some for pleasure, and others for the 
restoration of health : — they were people that moved in 
the higher circles, and were very gay — but they were 
quite attentive when he spake to them of heavenly things, 
except one, who was a most abandoned character — he 
thought to frighten him by threatening his life, and abus- 
ing him in a scandalous manner : but the enemy was 
defeated in this — for the gentleman that kept the Springs, 
5 



6g 



VICISSITUDES IN 



and others, soon stopped his mouth, so that he had peace 
ever after. 

There were none just about this place that knew much 
about religion, but they appeared anxious to hear the 
glorious sound of the gospel. I began to get my strength 
in some measure, so that I could walk about considerably 
welh There was to be a Camp-Meeting held near 
Salerno in Botetourt county, which was a distance of 
seventy or eighty miles : and we were in the mountains, 
without horse or carriage, and how we should get out we 
could not tell. But Providence, that had so often opened 
our way where we could see none, made a way at this 
time : there was a friend that was a Methodist who lived 
at the Sweet Springs, a distance, perhaps, of eighteen 
miles, from the white sulphur, who had requested Lorenzo 
to come over there and preach : he told him he would, 
provided he could send a couple of horses for us to ride. 
I had, by this time got so well, that we thought I might 
be able to ride that distance on horseback. 

Accordingly the man sent the horses 5 and we started 
and arrived at his house some time in the afternoon. 
We stayed at the Sweet Springs, three or four days, and 
Lorenzo preached several times : we then, by the assist- 
ance of friends, were enabled to get on to Fincastle, that 
was within twenty miles. We came with the preachers 
that were going to Camp-meeting. 

Here we got a chair from a friend to convey us part of 
the way from this to the place where the meeting was to 
be held, to another friend's, who let us have his horse and 
gig to carry us the remaining part of the way. When we 
got to the camp-ground it was nearly dark ; but there we 
met with some of our old acquaintance, which made 
my heart to rejoice. The preachers were very friendly. 
There I met with my dear friend, sister Dunnington, 
who perhaps enjoys as great communion with God, as 
any person I ever saw. She was very kind to me,—- and 
I felt it was good to meet with those that truly love and 
serve the Lord. We stayed at the Camp-Meeting until 
the day before it broke up. It was a tolerable good time- 
there was a number of souls converted to God : may they 
continue to walk in the narrow happy road, until they 
reach the peaceful shores of Canaan ! 



THE WILDERNESS. 



We left the camp ground in company with a preacher 
and his family for Blacksburg, near the Yellow Springs, 
so called, where I was advised to go, and try the water. 
This was near thirty miles from Salem— here we stayed 
for two or three weeks, and I made use of the waters, 
which was, I think, beneficial to me. 

We got acquainted with a gentleman from the Low 
Lands of Virginia, who was at the Springs with his 
wife on the account of her health. These people were 
possessed of a large property, and but one child — and 
they also possessed as great a share of hospitality as any 
that I ever met with. They understanding our situation, 
gave me an invitation to go home and spend the winter 
with them — which I thankfully accepted, while Lorenzo 
took quite a different course to the Western country, 
intending to visit the Louisiana, before his return : but 
the Indian War breaking out, flung some obstacles in the 
way, which were unavoidable: hence, he sent on a deed 
of relinquishment to those that had the possession of the 
old mill, which had made such a noise in the world — we 
had heard that they had got it, or rather built a new one, 
to do some business, but Lorenzo had never reaped any 
benefit from any thing that ever he claimed in that coun- 
try, and I do not expect he ever will. 

Here ends the history of his reported vast possessions 
in the Mississippi. 

We parted at the Springs. I was to go home with 
brother Booth, the friend from Virginia, while he pur- 
sued his journey to the West. Brother Dunnington, 
who lived at Salem, happened to be at the Springs at 
this time — he took me in his chair, and carried me to his 
house, and brother Booth came down the next day. His 
wife was very unwell, which detained us in the moun- 
tains for six or seven weeks. 

I stayed with sister Dunnington, until sister Booth 
was able to travel ; we then started for Brunswick, their 
lace of residence, where I was treated with the greatest 
indness. 

Lorenzo went on to the Western States, and from 
thence to Carolina, and so on to Virginia, to where I 
was ; after an absence of near four months. 

He in this tour visited about forty counties, and tra- 



70 



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Veiled near two thousand miles. He stayed with me 
about ten days, and then started on another route through 
North and South Carolina to Charleston, and risked 
many places, preaching from one to four times in a day, 
until he returned, which was about seven weeks. He 
got back to me on Friday night ; he preached on Sunday, 
;ancl on Monday morning we prepared to start for Peters- 
burg, 

March 8th, 1814, we bid adieu to my kind friends in 
Brunswick> where I had found an asylum from the cold 
winter for near five months, whilst my Lorenzo was 
ranging through the Western and Southern States, to 
<;all sinners to repentance. The morning that we parted 
with that dear family will be a memorable one to me ; it 
was like parting with my nearest friends. May the Lord 
idess them with all such spiritual and temporal mercies, 
as shall prepare them for a seat at the right hand of the 
Majesty on high. 

Brother Booth had furnished us with two horses, a 
gig, and servant, to go with us to Petersburg' — and there 
we were to take his carriage and continue on to Balti- 
more. But when we got to Petersburg, the carriage 
which was designed we should take from there, was 
taken to pieces for repairing, so that we could not obtain 
it for our journey, and hence were under the necessity of 
taking the public stage for Richmond, which was some- 
thing disagreeable to me : but I strove to put my trust 
in that hand which had dealt out so liberally to me in 
days that were past by. 

The roads were very bad, being so much cut up by the 
large heavy wagons that were on the road, laden with 
cotton and other produce for market. 

We arrived in Richmond between two and three 
o'clock, and were received with kindness by brother 
West and his companion. There we met several prea- 
chers, who treated us with friendship, which was very 
pleasant to me. O how sweet it is to meet with those 
that love and serve the great Master in sincerity and in 
truth! And if it is so pleasant here, w,hat will it be 
when we shall meet in that sweet world of Rest, where 
we shall see eye to eye, and be no more subject to errone- 
ous conclusions, as it relates to our brethren! O that I 



THE WILDERNESS. 



71 



may be enabled to fight my passage through, and meet 
with the dear friends of Jesus on the happy banks of 
everlasting deliverance ! 

We stayed in Richmond from Wednesday until Mon- 
day morning. Lorenzo hired a hack at the rate of five 
dollars per day to bring us on to Fredericksburg, which 
cost us near 40 dollars — but we came on in safety. I 
felt my heart often drawn out in prayer to God for pro- 
tection while we were on the road, that He would attend 
us on our journey. We were received with kindness also 
at this place by our our old friend, brother Green, and his 
family — where we stayed for some days. 

Lorenzo held several meetings, and then took a seat in 
the public stage for Alexandria, where we arrived on 
Sunday, between two and three o'clock. We stopped at 
a public house, where the people that travel in the stage 
are accommodated, but did not stay longer than to deposit 
our baggage, and then to go in search of some friends 
where we had put up, when we were in that place some 
years before, by the name of Stone. We walked down 
the street for some distance, and as it happened, a gentle- 
man and lady were standing at the door where Lorenzo 
had formed some acquaintance- the preceding winter, and 
invited us to come in, which we did — and found a plea- 
sant asylum, where we could rest from our fatigue of 
travelling in the stage. O how sweet it is to meet with 
kind friends after having been confined with those that 
neither feared God nor regard man ! 

We stayed at Mr. Warter's two nights, and then by 
the request of a family of Quakers, by the name of 
Scholfield, we spent one night with them. It was a very 
pleasant time to me — they were remarkably kind and 
friendly ; and the gentleman in the morning took me in 
his chair and carried me to the city of Washington, 
which was about six miles from Alexandria, to another 
friend's, where my Lorenzo had found a kind reception a 
little more than twelve months before, and who had 
requested that he would bring me, if ever he should tra- 
vel that way again. 

Lorenzo had stayed behind to find some conveyance 
for our trunk and other baggage : in a short time he found 
a return hack, which he engaged, and arrived in a short 
5* 



72 



VICISSITUDES IN 



lime after me, and was received with affection by the 
family. They were by name Friends, and they were so 
by nature. 

We stayed with them three nights, and received many 
marks of friendship from them—for which may the great 
Master reward them in the day when he cometh to make 
up his jewels ! They had been married for seventeen 
years, and had no children, except one little adopted 
daughter, of the lady's brother, which they had taken as 
their own. They doted on her: she was taken sick the 
day after 1 went there ; and the second day at night they 
thought she was dying, and the poor little woman was in 
great anguish of soul on the account. I did not expect 
the child would live until morning. We had engaged 
our passage in the stage for that morning at five o'clock, 
and were up at three. The family had slept very little 
for two nights, but when we arose in the morning, which 
was at an early hour, to prepare for our journey, the dear 
little child was still living, but looked like she had almost 
finished her course, and would shortly be conveyed to 
the realms of peace. Brother Friend went with us to 
the stage-house, where we parted. We came on to Bal- 
timore, where we stayed two nights with brother Hager- 
ty ; and Lorenzo preached twice in the town. We then 
took the steam-boat for Philadelphia, where we arrived 
in about twenty-six or eight hours, where we tarried 
from Tuesday until Friday — there Lorenzo preached two 
evenings in the African church. We then left Phila- 
delphia, and continued on in the steam-boat to Trenton, 
where we took the stage for Nexo York. We staid at 
Princeton one night, and the next evening we arrived 
at the city of New York, and came to brother Morris 
D' 'Camps, from whose house I started when going to the 
Mississippi — he then lived in Troy— after an absence of 
about five years and six months from the time we started, 
and from whom we have received many favours. May 
that God, who is able and willing to reward those that 
will be kind, for their benevolence bless him and all my 
dear friends, for their kindness to me — and in particular 
for the last nine years of my life. 



SUPPLEMENTARY REFLECTIONS 

TO THE 

JOURNEY OF LIFE. 



I left Lynchburg on the 19th of July, and came to 
brother Walker's in Buckingham, where I was taken 
worse ; and stayed there three months — and then I went 
to brother Duval's, where I stayed about five months, and 
then returned to brother Walker's again, where I con- 
tinued near two months more — making ten months in 
all. May the Lord give them the reward that is promised 
to those that give a cup of cold water to a disciple, in the 
name of a disciple, for their kindness to unworthy me in 
this day of adversity. 

January 25th. I this morning have been much relieved 
from melancholy reflections that, employed my mind 
through the last night, as it relates to Lorenzo; as I had 
not heard from him for several weeks, which gave me 
much uneasiness, and made me feel my situation, which 
is something lonely : but what most distressed me was, 
my heart being so prone to distrust the protection of Pro- 
vidence over us, which I had so much reason to rely 
upon— for his tender care hath been over me from my 
earliest days until now, and hath brought me through 
dangers seen and unseen. 

" Through various deaths my soul hath led ; 

And turn'd aside the fatal hour, 
And lifted up my sinking head." 

O that I may ever feel resigned to the will of God ! 
The day will shortly arrive when we must bid adieu to 
all sublunary things. May the Lord help me to tear my 
heart from earth away for Jesus to receive. I long to be 



74 



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dead to all below the sun, and have my affections placed 
on things above, where sorrow will be turned into joy, 
where we shall view our Saviour, who hath borne all our 
sins in his own body on the tree, without a dimning veil 
between ! Lord, enable me to say— 

"Forever here my re*t shall be, 

Close to thy bleeding side ; 
This all my hope and all my plea % 

For me the Saviour died. 

My dying Saviour and my God, 

Fountain for guilt and sin, 
Sprinkle me ever with thy blood, 

And cleanse, and keep me clean." 

January 26th. My heart longs to be filled with love 
and gratitude to God, for his mercy to me: and that 
through his grace strengthening me, I hope to overcome 
all the evils that may befal me, whether outward or 
inward. O that I may consider that days are uncertain 
here below — and know not the hour when the Son of 
Man may call for me, whether it will be at midnight, or 
at the cock's crowing — so it stands me in hand to watch 
and pray, that I may not be surprised when He shall 
come, but be ready to enter in with the Bridegroom to 
the marriage supper of the Lamb ! How sweet rest will 
be, after the toilsome "journey of life" is over. We shall 
then be received to those joys that have been purchased 
at so dear a rate ; it cost no less than the precious blood 
*>f the Son of God ! O what a ransom ! That it should 
be neglected by those who ought to benefit by it — what a 
pity ! O that they may take timely warning, and flee to 
the out-stretched arms of the Saviour, and hide them, 
while the storms of life be past, that they may be guided 
safe into the haven of eternal rest. 

February 7th, 1813, Sunday. I feel this morning my 
spirits are very much depressed — I fear that trouble awaits 
me. O that I may be prepared for whatever may be the 
will of God concerning me, whether prosperity or adver- 
sity. May I ever lay passive at HIS feet, and feel a dis- 



THE WILDERNESS. 



75 



position to say — Not my will, but thine be done. I am 
assured that this is a state of trial, wherein we must 
stand to our arms, or we shall suffer loss — for we are sur- 
rounded with enemies on every side, within and without, 
that are watching to do us mischief. O that I may be 
on my guard, and watch unto prayer, that the Lord may 
be my fore front and rear ward ! and although troubles 
should assail me and dangers affright, I may be enabled 
to fly to the arms of Jesus, and find shelter and consola- 
tion there ! For he hath said, that he will carry the 
lambs in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with 
young-— O that I may be one of those that can claim this 
promise and protection from him. I am left as one alone 
in the earth— but if I can only put my trust in him, I 
need not fear.— Although dangers stand thick through all 
the ground, yet if the Lord is my shield, I shall not fear 
what man can do unto me. But I too often sink into a 
state of despondency, as my situation seems to be very 
gloomy at present : — not that I am in want of any things 
to make me comfortable, as it relates to living — for I am 
placed in a kind family, for which I desire to be thank- 
ful — but my concern for my companion, who hath been 
gone for near two months, and I have not heard from 
him but once— which fills my heart with fear, lest some- 
thing hath befallen him. O that God may preserve him 
from those that would do him harm- — and may I be ena- 
bled to give him up into the hands of God; knowing 
that he will do all things well : and if we meet no more 
on earth, may we meet in glory, where we shall be 
reunited never to part again — and receive the crown of 

flory that is laid up for those that are faithful to the 
40rd, who bought their pardon on the tree ! 
February 9th. I am still alive, and enjoy a tolerable 
degree of health — for which I desire to be thankful : for- 
it is more than I once expected, from the state of my 
health. 

I expected that I should have been an inhabitant of 
eternity before this — but the Lord hath preserved me for 
a longer space ! O that I may improve the precious mo- 
ments as they pass, to the glory of God, and for the good 
of my immortal soul— that when time shall be no more 
with me, I may be received into glory, where sorrow will 



VICISSITUDES IN 



be turned into joy : where I may join the blood-washed 
throng in singing hallelujahs to God and the Lamb for 
ever I 

tl And then my happy soul shall tell, 
My Jesus hath done all things well." 

February 15th. I am still alive, and on praying 
ground — O that I may improve the precious moments 
as they pass, to the glory of God and the good of my 
own soul. My heart is too little engaged with God ! O 
that I may never rest until I am filled with love to God 
and all mankind. May the Lord prepare me for what- 
ever awaits me through this unfriendly world — for I 
expect that troubles will be my lot, while here, more or 
less, until I pass over Jordan I — God grant that they may 
end then^ and for them may I receive a crown of glory, 
though unworthy. May God help me to watch and pray 
without ceasing, that I may be in a state of readiness 
for whatever may befal me ! 

" How happy every child of grace, 

Who kno%o$ his sins forgiven, 
This earth, he cries, is not my place e 

I seek my place in heavkn. 

A country far from mortal sight, 

Yet, O by faith, I see — 
The land of rest, the saint's delight; 

The heaven prepared for me. n 

March 12, 1813. I have reason to bless and praise 
Clod, that it is as well with me as it is — that I have some 
desire still to devote my life and all that I have to the 
service of that God who hath preserved and brought me 
to the present moment. O that every power of my soul 
and ! body may be, without reserve, devoted to him. He 
hath been my Preserver and kind Benefactor from my 
earliest days until the present time ! O that my heart 
may be filled with love and gratitude to Him, for every 
jaercy that I do enjoy. It hath been better than three 



THE WILDERNESS. 



months since I parted with the friend that I esteem most 
dear ; and I long much to see him— but I must be patient, 
and strive to give my all to the Lord, and say, Not my 
will, but thine be done, 

March 14th. This day has been a day of a good 
degree of peace and joy to my soul. As I have been so 
long deprived of meeting with my brethren to praise 
God ! O that I may give my soul and body as a living 
sacrifice to him day by day— and be prepared to meet my 
Saviour in the skies, with joy and gladness, 

" Through grace, I am determined 
To conquer, though I die !" 

March 21st. I have reason to praise God for his tender 
mercy to me ; that he hath given me a degree of health 
and strength — and feel a desire to spend the remainder 
of my days in his service and to his glory. May the 
Lord bless me with an hungering and thirsting for all 
the mind that was in Christ, that I may be a comfort to 
my companion, and a blessing to society, and be prepared 
for heaven and glory. 

" Come Lord from above, these mountains remove, 
O'erturn all that hinders the course of thy love." 

I long to be altogther thine. The day is fast approach- 
ing when it would be of more importance to have an 
interest at a throne of grace, than to be possessed of all 
the riches in this lower world ! May God help me to 
realize the world of time and the length of eternity — and 
improve my privileges accordingly ! 

March 21st. I feel to be in some degree thankful to 
God for the blessings that I do enjoy. May I improve 
them to the glory of my great Benefactor — and may the 
Lord reward my kind friends for their friendship to me. 

" O that my God would count me meet, 
To wash his dear disciples' feet," 



I feel my heart prone to wander from the God that I 



% vicissitudes m 

desire to love ! O that the day may arrive when I shall 
love my God supremely— above every thing else. 

April the 15th, 1813. I am this day out of eternity, 
but am not well— and know not how long I may be an 
inhabitant of this world ! That I may be in a state of 
readiness for death, when it shall come — for whether it 
be long or short, it will be the same king of terrors when 
it comes, if we are not prepared for it. My heart and 
soul, long for full redemption, in the blood of Jesus, 

" O that my tender soul might fly 
The least abhorr'd approach of ill i 

Quick as the apple of an eye> 

The slightest touch of sin to feel." 

1 hope the Lord may give me grace to be faithful $ that 
whether my days are many or few, they may all be 
devoted to him, that when I am called to go I may have 
a convoy of angels to escort my happy soul to realms of 

flory. My conflicts are many here, but the hand of the 
lord is strong. O that I may be enabled to put my 
trust in him in every trying hour. 

April 21st. I am this day a spared monument of 
mercy — that I am not cut off as a cumberer of the 
ground — O that my heart may be filled with real grati- 
tude for the blessings I do enjoy — for kind friends in the 
day of adversity. 

I feel that I need daily supplies from the fountain that 
was opened in the house oi king David for sin and 
uncieanness. For the enemy thrusts sore at me—and I 
often fear I shall come short at last. I want the whole 
armour, and skill to use the weapons, that I may be more 
than conqueror, through the strength of Jesus — that when 
my sun is setting, I may have a prospect of Canaan's 
happy land, and view by faith the celestial fruits of para- 
dise, where joys immortal grow — pain shall be exchanged 
then for pleasure that never shall cease — where we may 
gaze on the face of our beloved without a dimning veil 
of mortality between. 

April 23d. I have reason to be thankful to God my 
great Preserver, for the peace that I do feel in my soul 



THE WILDERNESS, 



79 



this morning. Although my body is afflicted, yet I feel 
a degree of resignation to the will of God — and hope 
that I may be prepared for whatever is the will "of God 
concerning me — whether life or death. 

" Through grace I am determin'd 

To conquer though I die. 
And then away to Jesus 

On wings of love I'll fly : 
And then my happy station 

In life's fair tree shall have 
Close by the throne of Jesus, 

Shut up with God above." 

O that I may consider that my days are as a shadow 
that passeth away. God grant that I may secure a lot 
among the blest. 

" My suffering time will soon be o'er, 
Then shall I sigh and weep no more; 
My ransom'd soul shall soar away, 
To sing God's praise in endless day." 

The road I have to travel is interspersed with joys and 
sorrows — and the only way to be happy is to receive the 
one with gratitude and the other with submission. O 
that I may have that true resignation to the will of 
heaven, that may enable me to rejoice evermore, and 
pray without ceasing, and in every thing to give thanks — • 
thank the Lord for the blessings that I do enjoy, and be 
patient under sufferings, knowing that it is good for me 
to be afflicted, that I may know my own weakness the 
better, and rely only on the strength of him that is able 
to save all those that put their trust in his clemency and 
mercy ! May the Lord help me to live to his glory while 
on earth I stay. 

May 9th, 1813. 1 have reason to bless God that it is 
as well with me as it is ! Whether I shall ever enjoy 
health or not I do not know — and I would not be anxious 
concerning it : but may I be prepared for whatever is the 

6 



so 



VICISSITUDES IN 



will of the Lord concerning me, whether life or death, 
health or sickness, prosperity or adversity. I feel a desire 
to see' my Lorenzo once more in time : but if that is 
denied me, may I be enabled to say, The will of the 
Lord be done — and may we meet on Canaan's happy 
shore, where sorrow will be turned into joy— and all 
that's earthly in our souls will be done away, and in its 
place we shall have the nature of angels and saints. 

" O what a happy company — 
Where saints and angels join l n 

There will be no more anger nor strife — no more 
malice nor envyings, evil speaking, nor any thing that 
shall mar our happiness, or give us pain — but harmony 
and peace shall for ever abound ! May God help us to 
be faithful to him, and to the spirit of his grace. 

" How tedious and tasteless the hours 

When Jesus no longer I see ; 
Sweet prospects, sweet birds, and sweet flow'rs. 

Have all lost their sweetness to me. 
The midsummer sun shines but dim— 

The fields strive in vain to look gay ; 
But when I am happy in him, 

December's as pleasant as May. 

" His name yields the richest perfume, 

And sweeter tlian music his voice j 
His presence disperses my gldom. 

And makes all within me rejoice, 
I should, were he always thus nigh, 

Have nothing to wish or to fear — 
No mortal so happy as I, 

My summer would last all the year" 

O that I could always be enabled to put my trust in 
him in every time of trouble— and may the Lord prepare 
me for death and glory. — 



THE WILDERNESS. 



81 



" There on a green and flowery mount 

Our weary souls- shall sit ; 
And with transporting joys recount 

The labours of our feet !" 

May 10th. I am in a lingering state of health, and 
whether ever I shall be able to be of any use to myself 
or others I know not — but I hope that I may be enabled 
to be resigned to the disposal of Providence, and say, Not 
my will but thine be done. It is a reality that we are 
born to die, and after death to come to judgment — and 
how ought we to live, that we may stand acquitted in 
that awful day, when Christ in glory shall appear to 
judge both the quick and the dead. O that I may have 
M my robes washed and made white in the blood of the 
Lamb," that I may hear the welcome sentence, Come ye 
blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for 
you from the foundation of the world — O happy day — 
when we shall be delivered from this body of clay, that 
clogs and weighs down the soul oftentimes, and makes 
us cry out with the apostle, who shall deliver me from 
the body of this death ! 

How necessary it is, for us to watch and pray, that we 
enter not into temptation — but hold fast the confidence 
that we have in a blessed Saviour. 

" On Jordan's stormy banks I stand, 

And cast a wishful eye, 
To Canaan's fair and happy land 

Where my possessions lie. 
O the transporting happy scene 

That rises to my sight— 
Sweet fields array'd in living green, 

And rivers of delight. 

" The generous fruits that never fail, 

On trees immortal grow : 
There rocks and hills, and brooks and vales* 

With milk and honey flow ; 



82 



VICISSITUDES IN 



All o'er those wide extended plains, 

Shines one eternal day ; 
There God the Son forever reigns, 

And scatters night away." 

" No chilling winds nor pois'nous breath, 

Can reach that healthful shore; 
Sickness and sorrow — pain and death, 

Are felt and fear'd no more. 
When shall I reaeh that happy place, 

And be for ever blest: 
When I shall see my Father's face, 

And in his bosom rest ! 

" Fill'd with delight my raptur'd soul 

Can here no longer stay ; 
Though Jordan's waves around me roil, 

Fearless Fd launch away: 
There on those high and flow'ry plains^ 

Our spirits ne'er shall tire; 
But in perpetual, joyful strains, 

Redeeming love admire. 

It is through the tender mercy of God, that I am alive 
and out of hell ! O that I may be renewed in the spirit 
of my mind ! May all the earthly dispositions of my 
heart be changed into heavenly, that I may be prepared 
to bid adieu to this world of sorrow, and find an habita- 
tion of peace, where the wicked cease from troubling, 
and the weary be at rest. My God help me to be faithful 
the few days that I have to spend on earth. My heart 
hath been much sunk under a weight of sorrow — when I 
consider how far from God and heaven, and what I would 
be, I am ! — O that the cry of my soul may be, Dear 
Jesus, raise me higher!! I long to be holy, as Thou art 
holy. May the Lord help me to rely on his mercy and 
goodness for all that is to come — and say without reserve, 
" The will of the Lord be done." 



THE WILDERNESS, 



IS 



11 O God, my help in ages past, 

My hope for years to come; 
My shelter from the stormy blast, 

And my eternal home." 

Prepare me for that happy day, when all the saints 
get home — and sit down at the right hand of God — 
where we shall be freed from all the toils and troubles 
of life, and have pleasure without end — where trouble 
and anguish cannot enter, but all shall be harmony and 
peace ! 

" O what a glorious company, 
When saints and angels meet" — 

in robes of white arrayed — when Christ shall wipe all 
tears from our eyes, and we shall be admitted to sit down 
with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and all the saints that 
have gone through much tribulation, and washed their 
robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. 
May my heart and life be conformed to the gospel, that I 
may be a comfort to my companion, and a blessing to 
society ; 

n And may my sun in smiles decline — 
And bring a pleasing night." 

The men that love the Lord are happy in this world 
and in the next ! O may that be my happy lot— may the 
Lord help me to tear every idol from my heart, and may 
he reign without a rival tnere, I feel my heart's desire 
is, to love the Lord with my whole heart. 

" This is a world of trouble and grief I plainly see ; 
But when in deepest sorrow, O God, I look to Thee ! 
Thou deliver'dst Daniel, when in the lions' den— 
And if thou didst protect him, O why not other men !" 

Help me to pray without ceasing, and in every thing 
give thanks ! May my soul's concern and only care be, 
to secure a lot among the blest — that when my days are 
6* 



84 



VICISSITUDES IN 



ended on earth, I may receive an inheritance that can 
never be taken from me ! May God preserve my com* 
panion while absent. 

In my days of childhood, the Providence of God was 
over me to preserve me from evil ; although I lost my 
mother, one of the most invaluable blessings that a child 
can be deprived of, particularly a female. Yet the Lord 
was my friend, and brought me up to the years of matu- 
rity, with a mind as little tainted with the evil practices 
that are prevalent among young people as most. My 
sister was very careful to teach me the way of rectitude 
in my earliest days, which was of great benefit to me in 
my journey through life. And I doubt not, if mothers 
would begin with their children when they are young, 
they might mould them into almost any frame they chose. 
But instead of paying that attention to their morals while 
their minds are young, and susceptible of good impres- 
sions, as they ought 5 they suffer them to mix with those 
that are wicked to a proverb ; thinking there is no dan- 
ger — they are too young to be injured by any bad example 
or precept. But they find, when it is too late, that their 
minds are too easily impressed with evil; and habits, 
which are imbibed in childhood, are not so easily eradi- 
cated : and through their neglect, many that might be 
shining characters in society, a blessing to the age that 
they live in, they are but a nuisance to mankind, and are 
rearing up another set to walk in their tracks. Thus the 
world is contaminated by the mismanagement of mothers ! 
My heart has often been pained, to see the dear little 
innocents suffered to run at random ; and taught nothing 
that would be of service to them, either in this world, or 
in the next ! May the Lord open the eyes of those that 
have the care of children, to see the importance of their 
charge ; and enable them to do their duty — that the rising 
generation may be more obedient to their parents, more 
attentive to the duty they owe their God — then they will 
be a greater blessing to society, and will be better quali- 
fied to fill up that sphere in life which they may be called 
to — and above all, be prepared for those happy regions, 
where all will be harmony and peace ! 

After my marriage, leaving the place where I had 
lived from my early days, I was placed in quite a different 



THE WILDERNESS. 



85 



sphere of life. Unacquainted with the variety of man- 
ners and dispositions ef mankind, I thought all who pro- 
fessed friendship were friends ; but I have found myself 
mistaken in many instances. Some that atone time would 
appear like as if there was nothing too good that they 
could do for one, at another time were so cool and dis- 
tant, that one wo aid be ready to conclude they could not 
be the same people] These constant changes have, in 
some measure, taught me this lesson, that we are all frail 
mortals, liable to change; and there is but one source 
that is permanent. There we may place implicit confi- 
dence, and we will not be deceived. 

I have abundant cause to be thankful to my great 
Benefactor, for the continued favours bestowed me — and 
for many kind friends who have administered to my 
necessities in the time of adversity: may the great Mas- 
ter reward them richly in this world, and in that which 
is to come, eternal life and glory ! It is said to be more 
blessed to give than receive, therefore, those that have it 
in their powe« to do good to the needy sons and daughters 
of affliction, and follow the dictates of charity, will have 
a double reward: they will feel a sweet peace in their 
own souls while they are travelling through this un- 
friendly world, and when they come to bid adieu to all 
things below the sun, they will have a glorious prospect 
of a happy entrance into the blest abode of saints and 
angels ! 

u O may my lot be cast with these, 
The least of Jesus' witnesses" — 

on earth — and at last be joined to that happy company 
above the skies ! 

What need there is to watch and pray, and guard 
against the vain allurements of this world; to steer our 
course between the rocks on either hand, that we may 
gain the destined port of eternal repose in the bosom of 
our once crucified, but now risen and exalted Saviour. 

Our hearts are too often fixedf on the vain and transient 
things of time and sense, while the important concerns 
of eternal happiness or misery are almost, if not quite 
neglected ! We are leaving nothing undone that we can 



86 



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accomplish to lay up treasure on earth, which will perish 
in the using — while the immortal part that will have an 
existence as long as its Author exists, lieth in ruins ! O 
what madness ! This poor body, what is it, but a dying 
lump of clay ! that must m a few revolving days be con- 
signed to the dust from whence it was taken ! What 
will it avail us then — whether we were rich or poor, 
noble or ignoble. The main point will then be, whether 
we have spent our time in the service of God, or have 
devoted it to the pleasures and vanities of the world — to 
please ourselves, instead of obeying the calls of the gos- 
pel, and taking up the cross ! O that these things may 
lay with serious weight on our minds, that we may make 
sure work for eternity, and spend no time unprofitably, 
but husband it to the best advantage. 

The various scenes of life make such an impression on 
our minds, that we are often brought into such perplexi- 
ties, that we hardly know which way to turn: but if we 
could always live in the enjoyment of that Faith, which 
it is our privilege to possess, we should never be at a loss. 
I have passed through many trying situations in Europe 
and America. — but the Lord hath been my helper thus 
far, through all the vicissitudes attending the journey 
of life ! And I hope, one day to outstrip the wind, 
beyond the bounds of time--where there will be no more 
uncertainty or disappointment — where peace and har- 
mony shall for ever abound : — after all our troubles here, 
how sweet and consoling rest will be ! May the Lord 
help me to live near to the bleeding side of a crucified 
Redeemer — willing to take up my cross and follow him 
where he may lead, if it is to go through fire or water. 
These are trying times — the love of many is waxing 
cold. How soon we may be called to a fresh trial of our 
faith, we cannot tell: — may we stand firm, knowing 
that all shall work together for good to those that love 
GOD. 

How many and various are the difficulties of life, while 
travelling through this vale of tears, to the place of rest, 
whither we are all hastening. Were it not for the mix- 
ture of pleasure that we find interwoven in those pains, 
we should often sink under them — but he that rides upon 
the winds, and can command them at a nod, undertakes 



THE WILDERNESS. 



37 



<cr&r 'Causey and makes a way for -us, when we see none — 
and cannot tell which way we must go ! I am indebted 
to that great and beneficent Hand for all the mercies 
that I do enjoy. O that my heart may <be filled with 
gratitude to God for these favours. 

I arrived in New York with my companion, towards 
<the last of March, 1814 — where I met with kind friends, 
particularly brother Munson and his family. They are 
like they were our own dear brothers and sisters ; may the 
Lord reward them in this world and in the next 1 Here I 
met with my £>ld friend sister Lester — she is still the 
same— -may the Lord prosper Jher ^on her journey to a 
glorious eternity ! I have found as kind friends of late 
as I could expect— Q that my neart may ever feel grate- 
ful to my God for all his mercies to unworthy me ! I 
have felt a greater desire to fee all devoted to the Lord, 
(soul and body, and ail that I have and am, for time and 
eternity,) of late, than I have felt for a long time 1 I do 
not expect to find that plaee, while I am an inhabitant of 
sthis lower world, where there is nothing to trouble or 
afflict either body or mind. May the great Master give 
•me more of that spirit of humility ; that it may enable 
•me to be willing to suffer all the righteous will of God ; 
and when called to bid adieu to all below the sun, that I 
anay have a pleasing prospect of a glorious immortality! 
O how sweet and delightful must be the scene, to a soul 
£hat has been tossed ob the ocean of time ; and hath 
fought their passage through, and got xvithin view of the 
fmppy land : 

u Whea all their sorrows "wiM be o 1 er; 

Their sufFring and their pain s 
Who meet <ia that eternal shore 

Shall never part again !*' 

may be I prepared to meet th&se that have gone before, 
and those that may come after P 

May 10th, 1814. We have been in New York for 
several weeks, and kindly treated by many — may the 
Lord reward them I 

Though many have been my trials and afflictions the 



88 



VICISSITUDES IN 



last four or five years of my life,- yet the Lord hath been 
my friend — and I feel a desire to devote the remainder 
of my days in his service. How long I shall be an 
inhabitant of this world of woe, is uncertain to me — I 
feel the seeds of death in this mortal frame — and it is 
my earnest desire to become more and more acquainted 
with my own heart, that when the summons shall arrive, 
I may not be alarmed, but rejoice to go and be at rest ! 
O how soon my heart sinks down to earth again ! O my 
Lord, help me to keep my eye upon the prize ! and my 
heart stayed on Thee ! that this world may have no 
charms sufficient to draw me from the contemplation of 
heaven and glory ! 

il Was I possessor of the earth, 

And called the stars my own, 
Without thy graces, and thyself, 

I were a wretch undone I 
Let others stretch their arms like seas 

And grasp in all the shore; 
Grant me the visits of thy grace, 

And I desire no more." 

May I ever lay at the feet of my glorious Redeemer, who 
hath bought my pardon on the tree ! My soul is pained 
on the account of those that were once plain, humble fol- 
lowers of the meek and lowly Jesus ; but now are so 
conformed to the world, that they can hardly be distin- 
guished from them ! How long will they sleep in secu- 
rity, wandering from God— pursuing a shadow instead of 
a substance ! How vain, are all things below the sun ! 
We may have prosperity one day, and the next may 
prove quite the reverse ! How necessary it is to have 
our hearts detached from the world, and placed on a 
more durable object ! 

May 13th, 1814. I am this day under renewed obliga- 
tions to the great Preserver for the blessings that I enjoy—* 
my life is preserved, and I have kind friends that appear 
willing to supply all my wants. May God, that is able 
to give me the inward consolation of the Holy Spirit, 
enable me to draw water out of the fountain that never 



THE WILDERNESS. 



89 



will run dry ! I long to be more holy in heart and life ; 
and then I shall surely be more happy ! O my soul, 
arise ! and shake thyself, and put on thy beautiful gar- 
ments ! and then, I can rejoice in tribulation, knowing 
that tribulation worketh patience ; and what a charming 
trait it is in the Christian character — that of patience ! 
O that I may learn to possess my soul in patience in this 
day of trial ! The times are gloomy, and we need to be 
continually at the throne of grace, and cry mightily to 
God to stand by us ; that we may keep the narrow road, 
and not turn to the right hand or to the left. 

Sunday, May 15th, 1814. I thank the Lord that I have 
once more had the privilege of hearing the sweet sound 
of the gospel, from these words : " By whom shall Jacob 
arise, for he is small." I wish it may sink into the hearts 
of those that heard it! In the first place, he told what 
was meant by Jacob or Israel — spiritually the church of 
Christ; and then went on to tell why it was styled small 
in those days, as well as at the present day. First, 
because the professed clergy were not faithful, but were 
fallen asleep upon their watch tower; and did not warn 
the people of their danger as they ought. Secondly, 
wicked rulers, by their bad example, prevent that good 
being done as otherwise would be, if they were men that 
truly loved and feared God. And thirdly, the laity % those 
that heard the sound of the gospel, did not make that im- 
provement of the precious opportunities which they enjoy- 
ed as they ought. Parents set bad examples before their 
children — this was one great cause why we so seldom 
saw the young and rising generation turning to God i 
And fourtnly, and lastly, he showed by whom Jacob must 
arise — it was our duty to pray in faith, but it was God 
that gave the increase—therefore, we must hope and 
believe that God would hear our prayers, and convert our 
children and neighbours, and prosper Zion. If we were 
united in heart, so as to be like an army with banners, 
and not let the spirit of division get in among us, and 
cry out " I am of Paul, and I am of Apollos, and I oi 
Cephas, and I of Christ — but all must be of one mind 
and heart in Christ Jesus the Lord! Then we should 
see bow the church would prosper, and what glorious 



go 



VICISSITUDES IN 



seasons we should have ! But the times are glooBYf , sik! 
when the cloud will disperse we cannot telL 

May 19thr Lorenzo is quite unwell— -trials- await u» r 
but may our trust he in the Lord, that he will deliver us 
from all our troubles at last, and land us safe on the 
peaceful shores of Mest eternity ; v where ail our toils will 
be over— our suffering and our pain ; where we shall join 
the happy millions that surround the ihrone of God, and 
sing hallelujah to God and the Lamb for ever and ever I 

Our moraeafe- fly 'apace. 
Nor will ©ur minutes stay j? 
Jmt like a flood our hasty days 
Are sweeping us away." 

May our hearts be inspired with love and gratitude te? 
the great Giver of all things, for the mercies we do 
enjoy— to enable us to improve every moment to the 
glory of God, and our own good ! 

May 20th, 1814. We are at Hoboken, a delightful 
spot of the earth, upon the Jersey side of the river, oppo- 
site New York — where, from the window of the room 
we occupy, we have a grand view of the city, with the 
majestic s-teeples of the different churches, reaching their 
lofty heads almost to the lowering skies ; — while the beau- 
tiful trees that are interspersed among the houses, with 
the surrounding country, which can also be seen at the 
same time, conspire to make it a most enchanting pros- 
pect J On the other hand, the Jersey side presents to 
view, decorated with all the charms of Spring — green 
trees and shady groves ; while the delightful songsters of 
the woods tune their harmonious throats in praising their 
great Creator! These beauties of nature all joined in 
concert, one would suppose, could not fail to excite grati- 
tude in the hard and obdurate heart of man, the most 
noble work of our great Creator I But lamentable to 
tell I— they appear to be less thankful than the birds that 
fly in open space, or even the reptiles that crawl upon 
the earth, for they answer the end for which they were 
made — but man, who was formed in the image of his 
God, and not holy indebted to him for creation, but also 
for redemption in the blood of Jesus, tramples on his 



THE WILDERNESS. 



01 



mercies, and dispises the offers of his grace ; and live 
more like beasts, than creatures possessed of rationality ! 
O that men would learn to love and serve the Lord ! 

We are at the house of a kind family, but they do not 
profess religion. May the Lord make our stay with them 
a blessing to their souls, and to the neighbourhood where 
they live ! For the people in this place, by what I can 
learn, are quite careless about their souls ! O that the 
Lord may make use of some measures to bring them to 
a knowledge of the truth- — my soul longs to see a revival 
of religion take place once more I 

May 21st. I am still alive, and out of a never-ending 
eternity ; for which may my heart be filled with gratitude 
to him that sustains and supplies me with every needed 
blessing ; who inclines the hearts of my fellow mortals 
to treat me with kindness ! O how much I am indebted 
to my God — and how little is my heart affected with a 
grateful sense of his goodness ! O that he would implant, 
deep in my soul, love to God and man ; with a heart-felt 
sense of my dependence upon him, for all the favours 
which I do enjoy. 

From Sunday until Monday we were in New York at 
brother Munson's, the greatest part of the time. Lorenzo 
is printing his Journal, with some other tracts ; which 
has detained him in ana* about this city far longer than he 
expected to have stayed when we came here — but the 
way seemed to open for him to print his books, and he 
thought it best to improve the present opening, and hope 
it may prove a blessing to many. 

On Wednesday afternoon we came over to Mr. Ander- 
son's again ; where we met with the same kind reception 
which he had experienced some days before. Mrs. An- 
derson was very sick, but was something better the next 
day. Lorenzo preached to the people in this place on 
Wednesday evening, and had a crowded house. May 
the seed take root in some heart, and bear fruit to perfec- 
tion ! I feel the need of more faith^ to be enabled to put 
my trust in the great Giver of every good and perfect 
gift — my heart too often wanders from the right source. 
O that my mind may be stayed on God in every trying 
hour — 1 long to be made holy in heart and life ; and feel 
a willingness to bear the cross like a good solcfier of Jesus 



f 



m VICISSITUDES M 

Christ, that when the sun of life shall decline, f may 
kave a pleasing prospect of a happy eternity r 

Saturday, May 28th. Through the goodness of God i 
enjoy bettel health than I have done for more than two 
years before* May my hean be filled witb k>ve and 
gratitude to the Great and Beneficent hand that is daily 
showering down blessings on my unworthy head, ancl 
improve my lengthened days, in doing good to myself 
and others I For why should I be useless in this time of 
seed ? But, O I my heart shrinks at the cross ! May 
the Lord help me to be willing to take it up, and follow 
Jesus in the way ! When we consider the shortness 
of time, and the length of eternity, we perceive there* 
js no time to loose \ but a necessity to improve every 
moment to the best advantage. May it be impressed or* 
my heart * 

May 31st. I desire to have my heart filled with grate- 
ful sorags of praise, to the God of all grace and mercies, 
for his favours to me I Through every lane of life, he 
hath provided me kind friends, in the day of adversity as 
well as in v the day of prosperity. What reason have I to 
be faithful to my God for all tliose blessings I May the 
Lord help me ever to lie at the feet of the Saviour, and 
learn instruction from his lips f I am still at Captain 
Anderson's, at the beautiful little town of Hoboken, as 
charming a place as I almost ever saw. O, what a pity 
there is not (as I know of) one person in this place that 
enjoys religion ; or at least, not many feeling much con- 
cern for their souls ; and they have no preaching, except 
by the Baptists, who preach up "particular election*' and 
reprobation, m the strongest terms that I ever heard. I 
went to hear them on Sunday last, and my heart was 
truly pained, to hear a man get up and address a number 
of people, (who were unacquainted with the way of 
salvation, and for aught I know, were living in the neg- 
lect of their duty altogether,) in this way ; that they 
" could do nothing ; they must be taken by an irresistible 
power, and be brought in." But my heart replied, " Ho, 
every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters ; and he 
that hath no money, come buy wine and milk, without 
money and without price !" What a pity it is, that men 
should darken council by words without knowledge ! 



THE WILDERNESS, 



For It is expressly said, that all may come that will ; and 
shat tbsy shall in no wise he shut, -out. May God stop 
the mouths of those that attempt to speak in his name 
who are not called and qualified by the Spirit, for the 
work I hut bless and prosper those that have takes their 
lives in their hands, and have gone forth t© call sinners 
So repentance, offering a free salvation to all the fallen 
arace of Adam-. 

June 1st. What a miracle of me&ey it that I am 
•still spared on this -side eternity, whilst many of my fel- 
low-mortals have been called from the stage of action; 
£heir bodies numbered with the pale nations under ground^ 
and their souls taken (light to a world of spirits-; whilst I 
die most unprofitable, perhaps, of any, am spared, and 
■enjoy a tolerable state of health, so much better than I 
i©nee expected I ever should May my heart be made 
sruly sensible of the duty I owe to the great -God of 
heaven and earth; whose name is terrible to ail who are 
in any measure sensible of his Majesty and Power. And 
also I desire to know and do my duty to my fellow-mor- 
ials; but I tremble at the cross 1 O that 1 may be deli- 
waxed from " the fear of man, which bringeth a snare 1" 

u My drowsy powers why sleep ye so ! 
" Awake, my sluggish soul ! 

Nothing hath half thy work to do.; 
*' Yet nothing is half so dull ! 
n Go to the ants ; for one poor grain 
u See how £hey toil and strive- — 
*' Yet we who have a heaven to obtam ; 
u How negligent we live \ 
u Wakea, O Lord, my drowsy sense, 
M To walk ttiis dangerous road; 
M That if my soul be hurried hence," 
May it be found in God J 

Jusae 2d. I am this day under renewed obligations to 
that Hand which hath supplied all my necessities, from 
my earliest days, until ,the present period of time. O 
that I may lie in the valley *>f humility, under a sense of 

/ 



u 



VICISSITUDES IN 



the numerous favours bestowed upon me, by the hand of 
an ever bountiful God I and improve the moments that 
are allotted me, to the glory of his great Name, and the 
good of my own immortal soul I I feel my heart is too 
often placed upon things below the sun — may the Lord 
help me to tear my heart and affections from earth, and 
place them on things above. 

My Lorenzo's mind is exercised and drawn out to visit 
foreign lands, to call sinners to repentance ; and 1 would 
not stand in his way above all things^ but I feel the need 
of more grace ; to acquiesce in all circumstances, in the 
will of Providence ; which I desire to do more than any 
thing beside. May the God of all grace, enable me to 
say — "not my will but thine be done." Lord, may I be 
made of some use to my fellow creatures while on earth 
I stay, that I need not be quite useless, while I am an 
inhabitant of this lower world I — It is now night, and the 
evening shades prevail. The sun hath set beyond the 
western sky, and the Lord only knows whether I shalZ 
see the return of another day ! May he take charge of 
me this night ; and grant, that whether I sleep, or what- 
ever I do, I may have a single eye to his glory, and be 
prepared to meet my " last enemy" in peace! May God 
reward my kind benefactors with every needed blessing. 

Sunday, June 12th. This hath been a day of deep 
trial to my soul. There having been an appointment 
made, for my Lorenzo to preach in the African church, 
at six o'clock, and the people appearing anxious to see 
me, as many of them had not, it was published that I 
would be there, and perhaps I would subjoin a few words 
by way of exhortation : this made such an impression on 
the minds of people, that they came out in such quanti- 
ties, that they could not get into the house. I took my 
seat in the altar; and after Lorenzo had given them a 
discourse from these words — " O earth, earth, earth, hear 
the word of the Lord," — I rose up and spoke a few 
words; but the cross was so "weighty, I did not fully 
answer my mind. I closed the meeting by striving to 
lift my heart to God, in prayer, with some degree of 
liberty. May the Lord deliver me from the fear of man, 
which bringeth a snare ! Why should we be so much 
under the influence of the enemy 2 as not to speak for our 



THE WILDERNESS. 



God in these important times, when wickedness doth so 
much abound, and the love of many is waxing cold, and 
others are carrying such burthens! O may the God of 
all grace stand by and support his people in this day of 
trial 1 The storm is gathering fast, and who will be able 
to stand, while the anger of the Lord is pouring out upon 
the inhabitants of the earth, for their ingratitude, parti- 
cularly those of our favoured land, America 3 We have 
had peace and plenty for many years ; but the fulness of 
bread was the destruction of Sodom! O that it may not 
be the case with us ! 

June 13th. May my soul and body be altogether 
devoted to that God, who hath provided for me ever sine* 
I have had an existence I I have in some instances been 
brought into trying circumstances; but tfoere hath always 
been a way opened for me, so that I have never lacked 
any thing so much as to say that I was in a suffering 
condition. For if I had it not, nor wherewith to procure 
it for myself, yet the Lord that hath the hearts of all men 
in his nands, would raise up some one to supply my 
wants! Glory! glory ! be to his Name forever and ever, 
for all his mercies, to such an unworthy mortal as me ! — - 
What is past we know 9 but what is to come we cannot 
tell. May we be prepared for whatever lies before us ! The 
cloud seems gathering fast over our land! May the God 
that rules on high— that all the earth surveys, avert the 
threatening storm, and deliver us from the power of 
our enemies.— O the charms of America! shall they 
be destroyed by foreigners 1 Shall the rich jewel of 
LIBERTY be plucked from the American crown by 
TYRANTS ?— -Forbid it mighty God !— and grant, if 
we need chastisements, as no doubt we do, as a nation, 
to let us fall into THY HAND, rather than into the 
hand of man, for thou art merciful I O that the people 
of this favoured land, might learn to be wise, in time to 
save our country from destruction ! My soul mourns on 
account of my fellow-mortals ! May they be made sen- 
sible of the necessity of making their peace with God, 
before the evil day shall come, when they shall say " I 
have no pleasure in them." 

June 14th. Through the favour and goodness of God 
I am still alive, and am blessed with as good healthy as I 
7* 



96 



VICISSITUDES IN 



have enjoyed for many months; and trust my face is 
Zion-ward. Forever praised be the Lord for all blessings 
which I do enjoy. O may my soul drink deeper and 
deeper into that spirit whidi will enable me to bear the 
cross with joy ; and not shrink from it like a coward, 
and the crown fall from my head, and others take the 
prize. 

June 18th. Through the tender mercy of the Lord, 
who is over all and above all, I am still an inhabitant of 
this lower world, surrounded by dangers and difficulties ; 
liable to stray in bye and forbidden paths ; and the way 
appears so gloomy that I tremble at the prospect. I feel 
much concerned for the present state of my beloved 
country. There is so much clissention among the people 
of this most favoured of all lands, that I fear for its con- 
sequence. My heart has often been pained, to see the 
INGRATITUDE which has been prevalent in our 
peaceful, plentiful, and happy country. — Whilst other 
nations were almost deluged in blood, we have been 
blessed with peace in our borders; and the glorious 
gospel has been spread from shore to shore. But these 
happy days are gone, and for aught I know or can see, it 
may be long before they will return, unless the Lord 
should undertake our cause. He can bring low and raise 
up — He sways kingdoms ; and it is through his long 
suffering and tender mercy that the world is kept in 
existence; for it groaneth under the wickedness of its 
inhabitants ! If He were to enter into judgment with 
us, who could stand before him ? And it appears he is 
about to visit the earth with a cur&e ! It is surely time 
for those that profess to fear God, to awake and shake 
themselves from that indolence of spirit, which so pre- 
vails in our land ; and lay a siege to a throne of grace for 
deliverance : for he is all-sufficient, and can make a way, 
where it appears to us, short-sighted creatures, impossi- 
ble for a way to be made. May he undertake our cause, 
and bring deliverance in whatever channel he thinks 
best. 

Sunday, June 19th. I have been at Capt. John Ander- 
son's, Hoboken, for several weeks, where I have been 
treated very kindly. Himself and wife are as agreeable 
a couple as I have met with for a long time, and I believe 



THE WILDERNESS. 



97 



they wish well to the cause of religion ; but they do not 
enjoy that peace in their own souls as they might. May 
the God of all grace attend them, and enable them to 
take up the cross, that they may be prepared for a seat at 
the right hand of God, at last. 

On the twenty-ninth of June, we left New-York, after 
having been there for the space of near three months, for 
New Haven, in the mail-stage. We travelled through 
the most delightful country that my eyes ever beheld ; 
the season was so charming ! the gardens were in bloom ; 
the fields and meadows clothed in their richest dress ; so 
that the eye might be transported with pleasure at almost 
every glance. My heart was at the same time contem- 
plating the goodness of God to the once happy land of 
America ; but now, how soon her beauty might be laid 
in the dust, by the spoiler, we could not tell, and all her 
glory brought to naught I But there is a God, that rules 
over all ; and I trust he will bring order out of confusion ! 
May the people learn humility and submission from the 
present calamity, to the will of the great Ruler of the 
universe. 

We arrived at New Haven about nine o'clock at night ; 
we stopt at the stage-tavern, kept by a man that fears not 
God nor regards man, if we may judge by the appear- 
ance, but we could not get permission to stay there for 
the night. It being so late we could not find any friends, 
although there were Methodists in the place ; conse- 
quently, we were under the necessity of seeking lodgings 
in an other public house : accordingly, we did, and slept 
there. But in- the morning, Lorenzo went out to find the 
preacher, that is stationed at New Haven, and in his way, 
he met with a brother Wool/, and he requested him to 
breakfast with him, and sent up to the public-house for 
me to come to his house ; accordingly I did, but the peo- 
ple where we stayed, said that we ought to have eat 
breakfast with them, as we stayed there the night before ; 
and so charged us one dollar and a half for our lodging, 
which Lorenzo paid. 

The friends in New-Haven were very kind, and wished 
Lorenzo to stay over the Sabbath ; this was on Thursday, 
he was anxious to get to his father's ; but by the solici- 
tation of brother Smithy the stationed preacher, and many 



m 



VICISSITUDES IN 



others, he was prevailed on to stay. He preached oft 
Thursday night and Friday night 5 and on Sunday he 
preached four times, the people appeared quite solemn 
and attentive. The preacher in that place, is one of the 
most affectionate, friendly men, that I have ever met 
with , may the Lord bless him, and make him useful to 
souls! 

On Monday morning I left New Haven, in company 
with a man and his wife for Branford, in their wagon ; 
while Lorenzo stayed to give them another sermon, as it 
was the " Fourth of July" and there was an oration to 
be delivered by the great Mr, T** # * ; accordingly, he 
spoke something on the present state of our country, to 
an audience that were attentive. He then left there in a 
wagon, which belonged to a Quaker, who were going to 
see their friends in Branford, where he spoke again at 
night. 

The next morning the jriend that had brought us to 
Branford, started with us, to North Guilford, to a brother's 
of mine, that I had not seen for near thirty years. We 
were both very small at that time, but now he had a 
family of six children and a wife, and I felt much pleased 
to find that he had been industrious, and appeared to be 
doing well, as it relates to this world; and I trust he was 
not altogether indifferent to the things of another. His 
wife was in a low state of health, but I have no doubt 
but she enjoys religion: may the God of all grace bless 
them and their dear children. There I saw my step- 
mother also, that I had not seen before, since I was six 
years of age : my heart glowed with affection towards 
her^ may her last days be crowned with peace ! 

My brother took his wagon, and carried us to Durham, 
on the stage-road, and tarried with us that night ; and in 
the morning bid us farewell, and returned home. A friend 
living at Durham, lent us a chaise to Middletown ; where 
my Lorenzo held meeting at night. There we met bro- 
ther Burrows from Hebron, with a wagon, which was to 
return the next morning, in which we came to his house, 
where we stayed from Friday until Monday. Lorenzo 
preached on Friday night, and also on Sunday at the 
Methodist meeting-house ; the people were solemn and 



THE WILDERNESS. 



99 



attentive. At five o'clock, at another place four or five 
miles distant, and returned again that night. 

This place was about twelve or fourteen miles from 
his dear father's ; and as we had no horse or carriage 
and brother Burrows made wagons, he bought a horse 
and wagon from him ; and we started on Monday about 
three o'clock in the afternoon, and arrived at his father's 
just before dark. We were kindly received by his father 
and the rest of the family ; we found the old gentleman 
in tolerable health ; but being a man advanced in years 3 
he was something feeble : we stayed with him from Mon- 
day until Saturday. This place is much degenerated 
from what they once were, when the candle of the Lord 
shone upon their heads ; but now there is scarcely any 
that I saw, who appeared to enjoy religion ! Our dear 
old father, seemed to be struggling for deliverance in the 
blood of Jesus ; may the great Master appear to his soul, 
the first among ten thousand, and altogether lovely ! 

We spent the week I may say in a solitary way, in 
taking our rambles through the lonely walks that my 
Lorenzo had taken in early days of childhood, before his 
tender mind was matured; and after he had arrived to 
the age of fifteen, when his heart was wrought upon by 
the Spirit of God — and this was the sweet grove at the 
foot of a beautiful hill, through which ran a charming 
rivulet of water ; where he used to go to meditate and 
pray to that God, who was able to save and did deliver 
his soul, and enabled him to take up his cross, and go 
forth to call sinners to repentance. 

My heart was pained to know and see that some part 
of the family, was not, or appeared not engaged to save 
their souls. 

On Saturday, we started for Tolland, and from thence 
to Squarepond, where Lorenzo preached twice the next 
day, at the Methodist meeting-house, to an attentive con- 
gregation ; and at five o'clock at Tolland, the people 
seemed very solemn. Early on Monday morning we 
left Tolland, for Hartford, where Lorenzo preached at 
night, in a Presbyterian meeting-house, to a tolerable 
congregation. We met "with kind treatment from a Doc- 
tor Lynds — may the Lord bless him and his! We left 
Hartford on Tuesday, and went to an aunt's of Lorenzo's 



too 



VICISSITUDES IN 



that sight, living about four or five miles from his father^. 
She appeared very glad to see us ; and sent out and called 
in the neighbours, and Lorenzo gave them a short dis- 
course. The next day Lorenzo was quite unwell, unable 
to sit up : but towards evening we made ready, and start- 
ed for his father's, where we arrived in safety. Lorenzo 
had intended to leave me at his father's, while he took a 
journey to the east ; but circumstances appeared not to 
favour it ; and he concluded to take me with him. Ac- 
cordingly, we made preparations for our departure, on 
Saturday morning, July 23d, 1814, after having stayed 
with his father for ten or twelve days. 

I felt truly pained to part with the dear old man : may 
the Lord bless him, and make his last days abundant in 
peace ! My Lorenzo preached at Vernon at night, and 
in the morning, to an attentive little company— may the 
Lord make it like bread cast upon the waters ! He 
preached at Hartford-five-miles, on Sunday, to a crowded 
congregation. 

July 25th- We have this day arrived at Hartford ; and 
my Lorenzo has received his books from New York, and 
furthermore we have heard of the arrival of a large force 
of our enemies' soldiers, landing on our once peaceful 
happy shore I O that the God that is able to save, would 
appear for our deliverance! although, as a nation, we 
liave forfeited all right and title to protection : yet there 
is no where else to fly for deliverance ! O that we, as a 
nation, may be humbled before Godj and lift our united 
cries to the throne of grace for his assistance ! May the 
tumults of the earth be hushed to silence, and people 
learn war no more I My soul longs to drink deeper into 
ehat spirit of love, to God and man, that I may be made 
useful to souls, and a comfort to my wandering com- 
panion, that I may be a helpmate indeed i 

il How vain are all things here below, 
" How false, md yet how fair ! 
" Each pleasure has its poison too, 
u And every sweet a snare \" 

O lha.t the Lord would teach me the emptiness of 



THE WILDERNESS, 



101 



earthly enjoyments, and help me to rely on him alone 
for support and comfort ! O that my prospects for glory 
may brighten up, and my soul be struggling for full deli- 
verance from every desire that is not centered in Him 
that is able to give all things I 

I have been reading the exercise of a precious woman, 
who went with her husband to the East Indies, to help 
him to preach the gospel to the poor ignorant Hindoos-, 
O that the desire which filled her soul, to spread the good 
news of glad-tidings of the Saviour, may prevail more 
and more ! 

We rode three miles from Hartford, the same day that 
we went there ; and Lorenzo preached at night, at East 
Hartford, to, perhaps, one hundred and fifty or two hun- 
dred, (and they were quite attentive,) from these words — 
" Behold I stand at the door and knock, if any man hear 
my voice and open the door, I will come in to him, and 
sup with him, and he with me." My mind was quite 
depressed, although I was enabled to close the meeting 
by prayer. I feel a gloom hanging over my mind, on the 
account of the present state of my country. O I will the 
great God deliver our happy land into the hand of the 
spoiler. 1 O that God would hear and answer prayer; 
inspire, and then accept the prayer of us poor mortals I — 
My soul longs to be prepared for whatever awaits us on 
the shores of time ! If we live as we ought, we may 
rely on the providence of God, to protect us from every 
evil. My Lorenzo is very unwell. O that the Lord may 
give him grace and strength to do his duty, and call sin- 
ners to repentance I May the Lord bless his labours, and 
make him useful to souls ! 

I long to get more confidence, to take up my cross, and 
help him to spread the good news of glad tidings to ail 
people — may God help me ! 

My desire is, that I may lie at the feet of Jesus, and be 
willing to love the cross, that I may wear the crown in 
those happy mansions above the skies ! My heart, I find, 
is too often wandering from my God ! O that I may 
arise and shake myself, and in the strength of Jesus, 
overcome my enemies, both of a spiritual and a temporal 
nature! I long to be altogether devoted to my God! 



102 



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Lorenzo expects to preach this evening — may the Lord 
attend, by the unction of his holy Spirit. 

Lorenzo preached the last night ; but 1 was so unwell 
that I could not attend: and he is to preach twice to 
day— may the Lord stand by him, and make his words 
sharp and piercing, reaching the hearts of those that hear! 

My soul longs to be more alive to God, that I may be 
made more useful to my fellow-creatures, and help my 
companion to spread* the glorious gospel through this 
weary land: we are wanderers on earth — we have no 
abiding home in this world, but are seeking one above — 
may the God of all grace enable us to keep the prize in 
view, and deliver us from all our enemies. 

My Lorenzo hath spoke once to-day, and is to speak 
again this evening— may the Lord attend the word with 

Eower. Why should we desire to live in this world to 
e useless 1 For what would be the benefit if we were 
to live to the age of Methuselah, and neglect the one 
thing needful ? It would only add to our condemnation ! 
O that these things may be impressed on my heart ! 

July 28th. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not 
all his benefits ! What reason I have to be thankful to 
my great Benefactor for mercies to me, a poor wanderer 
upon the earth : that I am provided with kind friends in 
this world of woe ! May my heart glow with gratitude 
to my God and my fellow-mortals for the blessings that I 
do enjoy t May the great Master reward those that are 
willing to administer to the necessities of those that have 
taken their lives in their hands, and have gone forth to 
sound the alarm, and call sinners to repentance — to offer 
them free salvation in the blood of Jesus ! My soul longs 
to see Zion prosper; to hear poor sinners inquiring the 
way to peace and true happiness. O may the Lord 
inspire my heart with that living faith, to cry mightily 
to him who is able to save souls. O, if Christians were 
more engaged to obtain the heighth and depth, and length 
and breadth of the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus 
our Lord, what happy times it would be ! O my soul, 
awake ! — lift up a cry to the God and Father of our Lord 
Jesus Christ, for full redemption in the blood of Jesus ! 

Lorenzo preached three times at East Windsor ; but 
the people are like the nether mill stone, hard and unfeel- 



) 



THE WILDERNESS, 



log 



ing : may the Lord soften their hard hearts, and bring 
them to a sense of their danger ! We were at a kind 
family by the name of Stoten. May the Lord prosper 
them in the way to glory. My heart hath felt somewhat 
refreshed since I came to the house of friend Barker's, 
living in West Windsor. Lorenzo hath been acquainted 
with the famity sixteen years ago— it does my heart good 
to meet those that have their faces Zionward 1 

What a sweet meeting it will be when all the tempted 
followers of Jesus get home : 

<{ There on a green and flowery mount 

Our weary souls shall sit j 

And with transporting joys recount 

The labours of our feet !" 

• - 

What a prize ! Is it not worth the striving for ? O may 
I be more zealous in the way of my duty — more willing 
to take up the cross. 

The news of war is saluting our ears daily. O that 
God may prepare us for whatever awaits us — and if a 
scourge is necessary, may it bring us, as a nation, to the 
feet of Jesus I My heart is pained within me I O Lord, 
prepare me to submit to thy will, with the rest of the poor 
fallen race of Adam ! W e have all sinned, and come 
short of the glory of God, and deserve chastisement : O 
that we may fall into the hand of God rather than the 
hand of man—for he is merciful ! I feel a desire to sub- 
mit without murmuring, but our hearts are so refractory, 
we need the influence of grace, to make us what we ought 
to be — My Lord help America ! 

July 29th. Lorenzo preached last evening to a toler- 
able company, considering it was a very unpleasant 
night; and they gave very good attention — may the Lord 
make it like seed sown on good ground, that shafl bring 
forth fruit in due time ! There seems to be a number in 
this place that are heaven-born and heaven-bound — may 
the Lord make them burning and shining lights in the 
land wherein they live, that may be like unto the leaven 
that was hid in three measures of meal, leavening the 
whole lump ; so that the flame may continue to increase 

8 



104 



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until the town shall be filled with the glory of God I My 
soul longs to see Zion prosper ! O God, fill my heart 
with love to Thee and my fellow sinners ; my heart is 
pained to see so little good done as there is— may God 
revive his work once more in the land. 

* ( Through grace I am determin'd 

To conquer though I die, 
And then away to Jesus, 

On wings of love I'll fly!" 

1 am a stranger and pilgrim on earth, together with my 
dear companion ; but we have the promise of a substan 
tial inheritance, if we are faithful, and continue to the 
end ! # 

** The Lord my pasture shall prepare. 
And feed me with a shepherd's care ; 
My noon-day walks he shall attend, 
And all my midnight hours defend." 

O Lord, help me to rely upon thy promises, by faith ! 

July tflst, 1814. What cause have I to adore that 
beneficent Hand, that hath and doth still provide for such 
a poor unprofitable creature as me !<— may my heart be 
filled with grateful songs of praise to the great Master. 

We left Hartford on the morning of the 30th, without 
knowing whither we went, or when we should find a 
resting place for the night — but God provided for us, 
beyond what we could have expected : we met with an 
old man, and after speaking to him, we found him to be 
one of those who are striving to walk the narrow happy 
road— and he told us of a family who he thought wouli 
be glad to see Lorenzo : accordingly, we went there, and 
found it even so — this is called Barkhamstead. They 
received us with affection, and every attention possible— 
their names were Francis. Lorenzo held two meetings 
at a barn, within about a mile from this friend's ; the 
people were solemn and attentive. There I met two of 
my uncle's daughters very unexpectedly—they lived in 
this aeighboxirhox)d : they appeared glad to see me, this 



■ 



THE WILDERNESS. 



105 



being the first time I had ever seen them since I could 
recollect. I have had as little acquaintance with any of 
my relations as most. This circumstance excited a sen- 
sation in my heart, that I was almost a stranger to before ; 
I felt such a drawing towards them ! O that the Lord 
would give them to feel the necessity of living up to the 
requirements of the gospel, that we may meet at last on 
the happy banks of everlasting deliverance ! In the eve- 
ning we went about five miles further, where Lorenzo 
preached again. This was the third time he had preach- 
ed this day — may the Lord strengthen his body and soul/ 
to cry aloud, and spare not, to sinners to repent. 

Monday morning, August 1st. Lorenzo preaches again 
this morning at 5 o'clock. O that the Lord would make 
him more and more useful to his fellow-mortals. 1 feel 
this morning a desire to be more engaged with my God ! 
O that my heart might be filled with all the fulness of 
the Spirit, that I may be more willing to take up my 
cross and help my companion to do good ! Time is 
short — we are hastening to Eternity ! O that our days 
may be spent in the service of God, helping souls on to 
the peaceful mansions of rest. We left brother Coe's 
this morning, and went on about seven or eight miles ; 
and our horse was taken sick ; we stopped at a public 
house, and the people seemed willing to help us to admin- 
ister some relief. I felt my mind quite composed, know- 
ing that he who dealeth out to us, knoweth what is best, 
and what good may result from it we cannot tell ! 

The family was desirous Lorenzo should hold a meet- 
ing here this evening, and he hath consented. May the 
Lord stand by him, and enable him to declare the whole 
counsel of God, to those that may come out to hear ! 
May my heart feel more engaged for the salvation of 



August 3d. What cause of gratitude I have to the 
God of ail mercies, that it is as well with me this mor- 
ning as it is ! — may my heart be filled with grateful songs 
of praise for his preservation! We started from the 
public house, where our horse was sick, on Tuesday 
morning the 2nd day of August. Lorenzo having preach- 
ed the evening before to a small congregation — but quite 
attentive, I think there were really pious, humble souls 1 




106 



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but I left there condemned in my own mind, for not 
taking up my cross — may the Lord forgive me 3 and enable 
me to be more obedient in future ! 

We intended to reach Lenox that night, which was 
about 30 miles : our horse appearing quite well. It was 
not far from sunrise : the day appeared very gloomy — 
we travelled on until about 6 o'clock, then we stopped at 
a tavern and got some refreshment ; they made a toler- 
able heavy charge— we paid it— and Lorenzo gave them 
two books; he requested the man to let one of them cir- 
culate through the neighbourhood, hoping it might prove 
a blessing to some ! — God grant it lor his mercy's sake ! 
We continued on our way through a wood, four or live 
miles ; lying nearly on the Farmington jriver, over a 
mountain of considerable height; the road was very 
good, and the prospect delightful to me ; the river break- 
ing through the rocks appeared to me very majestic, 
while the banks were clothed with delightful green. My 
heart was charmed with the scene. After we got over 
the mountain, the country seemed more thinly inhabited 
than any part of Connecticut that I have been in — May 
the Lord bless the people. We travelled on until between 
one and two o'clock — then we stopped and gave our horse 
some food. By this time the clouds began to grow some- 
what more gloomy — but we did not think the storm was 
so near : — we started — but had not got more than a mile 
and a half, before the clouds began to discharge their 
contents at such a dreadful rate, that we were almost 
blinded with the rain — and no house near that we could 
retreat to! At last we came to a place where there was 
a house over in the lot, and also a barn ; we drove up to 
the bars, and I got out and ran to the barn: but there 
seemed to be no asylum from the impetuous rain : from 
thence I ran to the house, but no one lived there, so I was 
compelled to return to the barn— where, by the time 
Lorenzo had got, with his horse and wagon, and drove 
them into the barn upon the floor, I was wet through and 
through. I crept upon the mow, and he reached me my 
trunk— there I changed my clothes — but he was not so 
well off, for he was under the necessity of keeping his 
on, We stayed there until the storm was over — then we 
made the best of our way to Lenox, where we arrived a 



THE WILDERNESS, 



107 



little before sunset — we got into a friend's house, where 
we were treated very kind. Lorenzo appeared to have 
taken some cold— but we have reason to be thankful that 
it is no wrorse. We have a trying world to pass through : 
O that the Lord may enable us to keep the prize in view ; 
that our conflicts may prove blessings to our souls, and 
we at last come off more than conquerors through him 
that has loved us and given himself for us ! Lorenzo 
hath had the privilege of preaching in the Court-house 
twice, and perhaps he may hold meeting there again this 
evening — may the Lord that can answer by fire, attend 
the word with power to the hearts of those that hear ! 
O my soul, look up to him that is able to save, for all the 
strength that is necessary to enable me to bare with 
patience, whatever may be the will of my heavenly 
Father to inflict. 

My soul longs to enjoy more of the perfect love of God, 
that I may in all things say, " not my will, but thine be 
done !" 

August 4th. Through the goodness of the Friend of 
sinners, I am still alive, and better in health tban I could 
expect, considering my exposure for a few days past. 
May my heart be grateful to him that supplies all my 
wants. We left Lenox this morning, and have come to 
Pittsfield, that is a delightful country, but the same gloom 
appears to hang over the country as it relates to religion ! 
O that the cloud would break, and the work of God revive 
once more ! — may my heart glow with love to God and 
my fellow sinners : I want to be a true follower of the 
meek and lowly Jesus ; be prepared for life or death, a 
living witness of his goodness, and when I am called to 
bid adieu to this world of woe, that I may leave it in 
peace ! 

August 5th. How much I am indebted to the rich 
mercy of a kind Providence, for the many blessings 
which I do enjoy — the favour of kind friends, while a 
wanderer on earth. We left Lenox the morning of the 
4th, and went to the north part of Pittsfield, to old friend 
Wards, where we were received with seeming friend- 
ship ; but my Lorenzo could not get the people notified 
as he had expected he might have done, when he thought 
of going there at night, but concluded, w start from there 



108 



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early the next morning ; but several people coming in 
that evening, appeared so anxious that he should preach 
before he left the place, that he concluded to stay, if they 
would give notice, which they promised to do, at half 
past 10 o'clock trie following day, and at evening in the 
centre of the town — it being a day set apart for a fast by 
the Methodists. Accordingly we repaired at the appoint- 
ed hour to the meeting house, where a considerable num- 
ber of people were collected, and Lorenzo spoke to them 
on the duty of fasting from these words, " In those days 
shall they fast," with a good degree of liberty : the people 
were very solemn and attentive— may God make it a 
blessing to some souls. From thence we came to the 
centre of the town, to a brother Green's, where we were 
received with great kindness. O that the great Master 
may reward those who are willing to receive his wander- 
ing Pilgrims and make them comfortable with every 
needed blessing for time and eternity. O that I could 
always keep the place of Mary at the feet of Jesus ! 
Lord give me more of the loving spirit which she pos- 
sessed-x-that my soul may enjoy the blessings that are 
laid up for those that are faithful. My Lorenzo is much 
afflicted of late with his old complaint — may God give 
him and me grace to say the will of the Lord be done. 

August 6th. My mind is quite depressed this day — 
the fluctuating scenes of life have too much impression 
on my heart. O that my Lord would give me grace to 
bear them with patience ! We are still in Pittsfield ; — 
the people are kind, but they have their peculiarities, so 
inquisitive to know the concerns of others! ! — may the 
Lord help us to look more carefully into our own hearts ; 
and see that we are right before God ! I need more of 
the spirit of submission to the will of my Master. 

August 7th. My poor companion hath been very 
much afflicted yesterday and the last night, with the 
tooth-ache, in so great a degree, that he could not attend 
the appointment the last evening, which gave me some 
pain, as I knew it would be a disapointment to many. I 
thought if I could have gone and spoken to the people, if 
I could have spoke any thing to the edification of souls, 
it would, I thought, have been a great comfort to my 
mind. My health is but poor ; may God strengthen my 



THE WILDERNESS. 



100 



body : and above all, may my heart be so filled with love 
to my fellow sinners, that I may call upon them to close 
in with the overtures of mercy ! I felt such a desire that 
souls might be benefitted, that I could not sleep. O that 
I may be willing to take up my cross, and if the Lord 
has any thing for such an unworthy creature as me to 
do, may I not be so loath to accede to it. I feel many 
times much distressed on account of my backwardness. 
O that I may be a cross-bearer indeed. Lorenzo hath 
gone to speak to those who will assemble to hear the 
word, in much weakness of body : may that God who is 
able to bring strength out of weakness, stand by him. and 
enable him to declare the whole counsel of God. He 
labours under many weaknesses, but this I trust is his 
consolation, that when his work is done, he will receive 
double for all his pain ! O that 1 may willingly take my 
share with him in this vale of woe, that I may share 
with him in the reward ! May the Lord bless his labours 
this day. We returned to Pittsfield town in the after- 
noon, and he preached at 5 o'clock to a crowded congre- 
gation. They were really attentive — may the Lord seal 
conviction on their hearts. This was the third time he 
had spoke that day : he returned to brother Green's where 
we lodged, and seemed much better than he was in the 
morning, in the evening there was a number who came 
in, and he spoke to them again, and it was quite a solemn " 
time; my heart was much drawn out in prayer that the 
Lord would bless them. 

We expected to have left the place on Monday mor- 
ning, but the weather proved so unfavourable that it was 
impracticable: consequently we stayed until Tuesday; 
then we left brother Green's and came on to Bennington 
that night, to a public house ; where Lorenzo got permis- 
sion to hold meeting in a large ball room ; he hired two 
little boys to go down into the middle of the town to 
give notice, and others told some, so that there were per- 
haps more than one hundred that attended ; they gave very 
good attention — God grant they may profit by it. On 
Tuesday, the 9th of August we left Bennington, and 
came to Cambridge white meeting house ; where we 
took breakfast. This brought to my recollection former 
times, when I was a child ; the rambles that I have taken 



110 



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among my companions through this delightful spot ! now 
those that were my companions, are married, and have 
large families ; many have gone to the " SILENT 
TOMB," whither we are all hastening. May the Lord 
prepare us for that important day. We then started for 
my sister's, living near the Batonkiln river; where we 
arrived a little before night. My sister was much rejoiced 
to see us, and I was not less happy to meet with a sister 
whom I had not seen but once in more than twenty 
years. I found her enjoying a good degree of peace and 
plenty : a kind husband and a sufficiency of this world's 
goods ; and I trust her face is Zionward ! may God help 
us to keep on our journey until we meet to part no more ! 

Sunday, August 14th. Bless the Lord my soul for the 
present mercies that I do enjoy : I have been privileged 
once more of meeting with a kind sister ; my heart warms 
with affection towards her. She appears to be striving to 
make her way to mount Zion. May the Friend of sin- 
ners be her guide and support through this vale of tears, 
and may we meet on the peaceful banks of blest eternity 
at last, with those of our friends that have arrived there 
before us. She is blessed with an affectionate friend and 
companion ; may the Lord make them happy in time and 
in eternity. 

Lorenzo is very much afflicted with the old complaint, 
that has followed him almost all his life. This northern 
clime disagrees greatly with his health, and I know not 
what will be the consequence, if he stays long in this 
part of the world. My sister wishes me to stay with her 
for some time, but I cannot feel reconciled to let my com- 
panion go and leave me behind ; and on the whole, I 
think I had rather go and take my chance with him, until 
it is the will of our God to part us by his Providence. — 
May the Lord help us to feel resigned to his will in all 
things, enable us to keep the prize in view, and be faith- 
ful to our good God while on earth we stay, and be pre- 
pared to shout hallelujahs above, among the blood- washed 
throng, in the paradise of God ! 

Monday, 15th. My Lorenzo preached twice yesterday 
in this place, and some were offended at his doctrine ; 
this shows how prejudiced people are in favour of their 



THE WILDERNESS. 



Ill 



own notions : may the Lord help people to discern be- 
tween truth and error—my heart's desire is to keep the 
narrow road that leads to joys on high : may the way 
appear more plain to my understanding, and my heart 
feel more love to God and man ; we know not what is in 
store for us, nor how many conflicts we may have to pass 
through ; may our days be spent in the service of the 
great Master, so that whether we have pleasure or pain, 
we may be enabled to say, the will of the Lord be done I 
the way of danger we are in, and we need the influence 
of his grace to speed us on our way. The cloud seems 
to darken, and what may be the troubles that America 
may have to encounter we do not know : may that God 
who is able to deliver nations as well as individuals* 
undertake our cause, and make it a blessing to the inhabi- 
tants of this our once happy land ; my soul longs for the 
prosperity of my country, and that precious souls may be 
brought to the knowledge of the truth, as it is in Christ 
Jesus the Lord ! O that my heart may feel a greater 
inward struggle for the welfare of my dear fellow mor- 
tals: and keep the crown in view myself! 

Tuesday, August 16th. I am still the spared monu- 
ment of mercy ; O that my soul may glow with love 
with gratitude to my great Benefactor, for all his favours 
to unworthy me. But my cold heart is too little warmed 
by all these blessings ! O God, give me more of that 
inward purity of heart, that my life may be like an 
even spun thread ! — my heart and soul engaged in the 
work, to help my Lorenzo to cry aloud to poor sinners to 
turn to God, and seek the salvation of their poor souls I 

" Come Lord from above, 
These mountains remove ; 

O'erturn all that hinders the course, of thy love.' 1 

Wednesday morning, August 17th. We have been 
one week at my brother-in-law's, and they very kind ; we 
have taken much satisfaction with my sister and her hus- 
band ; may their hearts be placed on those riches that 
are durable and will never fade ! >1 feel my heart Xqq 



112 



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little alive to my God that I had more of the power 
of living faith I 

" The praying spirit breathe, 

The watching pow'r impart: 
From all entanglement beneath s 

Call off my peaceful heart !" 

August 19th. We left my dear sister's yesterday, with 
hearts much affected, not knowing whether we should 
meet again on mortal shores, but hoping if we meet no 
more below, we may have a happy meeting in that bright 
world above, where separation will be dreaded no more ! 

We travelled about twenty three miles, and met with 
a kind family, where we put up for the night. In the 
morning, by the time the day broke, we started foi the 
Saratoga Springs, where we were aiming, and arrived 
there by six o'clock. There Lorenzo met a lady from 
South Carolina, who had treated him with every attention 
when at the White Sulphur Springs in Virginia, and also 
at her own house at Charleston. She still appeard much 
pleased to meet with him here: she invited him to call 
upon them at their lodgings, at the Columbian Hotel. 
Accordingly we did, and were treated with great polite 
ness. Lorenzo received an invitation to preach in the 
afternoon at four o'clock, which he accepted. O may the 
word come from the heart, and reach the hearts of those 
that hear ; may his labours be blessed to the people in 
this place !-— my soul longs to see the work revive, and 
souls brought to the knowlege of the truth. We are now 
at the springs, but which way we shall bend our course 
when we leave here, I cannot tell. May the Lord direct 
our steps in that way which will be most for our good and 
his glory ! 

I am a wanderer upon the earth 1 may the Lord help 
me to be resigned to his will in all things — I feel to 
shrink from the cross at times ; but the desire of my 
heart is, that I may be a willing follower of the meek 
and lowly Jesus. My souPs desire and prayer to God is, 
that the people of America may learn righteousness, and 
put their trust in that God that is able to save. O ! my 
fceart is pained to see so much inattention to the one 



THE WILDERNESS* 



US 



thing needful, and I also mourn before God for the cold- 
ness of my heart! O that I may be stirred up to more 
diligence in my duty I 

Saturday, August 20th. The Springs seem to hare a 
salutary effect upon roe — may my soul grow with grati- 
titude to my great and good Eenefactor for all his mer- 
cies to unworthy me. 1 am under many obligations to 
him who supplieth all our necessities — may my soul ever 
feel sensations of love to my precious Redeemer for these 
unmerited favours, bestowed on such an unprofitable 
creature as me ! My poor companion is still much afflict- 
ed with the asthma., which makes him very feeble in 
body : but I pray God to strengthen his soul, and give 
him wisdom from above to prevail on precious souls to 
close in with the overtures of mercy ! The Lord help us 
to wait patiently to see the salvation of God ! 

" The way of danger we are in, 
Beset by devils, men and sin !" 

But may we view the line drawn by the Friend of sin- 
ners, and keep there ; so that we may be prepared to pass 
over Jordan with joy, and everlasting songs of praise to 
him who conquered death and the grave ; and made it 
possible for the ruined race of Adam to obtain peace and 
pardon ! 

Monday, August 22d. Thrpugh the tender mercies of 
a Beneficent Providence I am still alive and out of eter- 
nity ! O may my soul be bowed down at his footstool- 
feeling gratitude to that hand who hath preserved and 
provided for me in this unfriendly world ! I, of all crea- 
tures, have the most reason to be thankful ; the Lord hath 
raised me up friends to supply all my necessities- — may 
the great Master have all the glory. Lorenzo preached 
at the Springs on Sunday the 20th, to an attentive con- 
gregation, though made up of various characters, and- 
some of the first rank — but gentlemen or ladies may be 
known by their behaviour, meet them where you will. 
At Milligin's, (living about six or seven miles from the 
Springs,) he met a large company, but of quite a different 
cast — they gave him a quiet hearing! — may the Lord 
turn curiosity into godly sincerity ; my soul longs to sev 



114 



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Zion prosper! A lady at the Springs had requested us 
to return In the morning before she should leave there, as 
she expected to start for the Ballstown Springs soon 
after breakfast. Accordingly, we started very soon in 
the morning, and arrived about six at the Columbian 
Hotel— where this lady, with one more, had invited us. 
They appeared very friendly ; they were from South 
Carolina, by the name of Colden and Harper— the latter 
made me a present of six dollars: may the Lord reward 
her as well as others, for their liberality to me ! 

Thursday, August 25th. I am now at Ballstown 
Springs, whither we came on Tuesday, for the benefit of 
the water. We have met with a kind family, for which 
I desire to be truly thankful to that gracious Providence 
who hath opened the hearts of many to show us kind- 
ness—May he reward them richly in this world, and in 
the next bestow on them a crown of glory ! Lorenzo 
hath left me this morning, to fulfil some appointments 
which have been given out for him— may the great Mas- 
ter attend him with his grace, and bless his labours to pre- 
cious souls I I should rejoice to see the prosperity of Zion ! 
May the Lord prosper his people ! and make them of one 
heart and of one mind, that they may join together to 
build up the cause of God, and not stand in the way of 
sinners I When that happy day will arrive I know not, 
but whosoever lives to see that period may truly rejoice I 

We stayed a few days more in this place. There are 
but few people here, I am afraid, that truly love and serve 
the Lord ! O that something might take place to bring 
them to a sense of their danger, and cause them to seek 
the Lord in good earnest ! The way of sin and trans- 
gression is hard and dangerous ! May the Lord teach 
me my duty, and enable me to walk in the way of holi- 
ness, that my last end may be peace The prospect 
before me is something dark and gloomy at times, while 
I am tossed to and fro upon the boisterous ocean of life — 
but the Lord hath been my helper hitherto, and I trust he 
will save to the end ! My soul needs more grace and 
strength to stem the torrent of difficulties and dangers 
that I have to encounter, but the arm of the Lord is suffi- 
cient ! What is before me I know not — but I hope to put 



THE WILDERNESS, 



115 



my trust in the Lord, who is able to save, and not say 
my will, but thine be done ! 

August 27th. My soul is much depressed this mor- 
ning. I spent the last night at a house, where the woman 
is a methodist, but the man makes no profession of reli- 
gion. I felt myself quite embarrassed, as he appeared 
very unsociable. I have returned to brother Webster's ; 
they are kind, but have a good many in family. My way 
appears something difficult, but I pray God to help me to 
sink into his will ; and in whatever situation I may be 
brought in, to learn therewith to be content I O thou 
Friend of sinners^ draw nigh and give me more of the 
true spirit of Christian love ! 

I pray my God to give my poor companion strength of 
body and mind, to be useful to souls, that when his work 
is finished on earth, he may enter into joys on high ! O 
happy, happy day, when the labourer shall receive his 
reward ! May he be faithful to his God, that he may 
have a clear sky, and a glorious prospect of that rich 
inheritance, which is laid up for those that are faithful to 
their God ! 

" O may my lot be cast with these 3 
The least of Jesus' witnesses"— 

on earth, and at last join the blood-washed throng above! 

Sunday, August 28th. This is the day that our all- 
conquering Saviour burst the bands of death, and led cap- 
tivity captive ; opened the door of mercy to the enslaved 
sons and daughters of Adam, that they may profit by the 
rich sacrifice which hath been offered for their redemp- 
tion ! What matter of sorrow it is, that the. oners of such 
unbounded mercy should be neglected by those who are 
so deeply interested in it, to prepare them for the day 
of adversity and death; which must assuredly overtake 
them, whether they will or not — t^ere is no escape ! 
moments fly on without control, and will shortly bring 
us to the place appointed for all living ! O that it may 
rest with ponderous weight on the hearts of all concerned 
in it ! And thou, O my soul ! look well to thyself, that 
thou mayest meet thy Judge in peace, when he shall 
come in the clouds of heaven, attended with his glorious 
9 



118 



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retinue of saints and angels, to set in judgment on the 
descendants of the first man and woman ! who have all 
had the offers of life and salvation made to them ! It 
will be a joyful day to those who have improved their 
time, " and washed their robes and made them white in 
the blood of the Lamb" — but O what horror will seize 
the guilty soul that squandered away his precious time, 
and slighted the overtures of mercy ! who done desnite to 
the Spirit of grace and the Son, who took upon him the 
form of a servant, spent many years of toil and pain, and 
at last gave his life a ransom for our salvation! O what 
unbounded mercy ! O unexampled love ! Why are not 
our souls lost in wonder, love, and praise ! May I ever 
tremble at his word ! My departure may be at hand — 
time is short at the longest. O that I may improve my 
precious moments as they pass, to the glory of my God, 
and the good of my own immortal soul ! 

My Lorenzo is engaged in blowing the gospel trumpet- 
may the Lord bless and be with him while absent from 
me, and at last bring us to meet to part no more in that 
sweet world of love ! 

August 29th. My companion hath returned this mor- 
ning. We left the Springs, and came on to Greenfield to 
Dr. Young's. Lorenzo had an appointment to preach at 
ten o'clock — the people assembled at the time appointed — 
Lorenzo was quite feeble in body, but he stood up and 
gave them a discourse on " the great day of his wrath is 
come, and who shall be able to stand ?" with a good 
degree of liberty. I felt my heart somewhat refreshed 
under the word, and the people appeared very attentive. 
I think there are some souls in this place who truly love 
the great Master — may the Lord prosper them on their 
journey, and preserve them from the evils that are in the 
world ! 

My Lorenzo left it to others to give out a few appoint- 
ments, which they had in such a manner that he would 
be much pinched for time : consequently, he was under 
the necessity of getting some person for a pilot, and go 
on horseback ; as that would be a more speedy way of 
conveyance than his wagon. Accordingly he started, 
leaving me behind at the doctor's, until he should return. 
He had to preach that afternoon, and again at night ; 



THE WILDERNESS. 



117 



and once or twice, and perhaps three times, the next day. 
May that God, whom he is striving to serve, strengthen 
him, soul and body, to cry aloud and spare not, to sinners 
to repent ! My heart is many times pained on his account : 
O that I could oftener say, Not my will, but thine be 
done — that whether our days be many or few, they may 
all be devoted to God. 

August 39th. The Lord is still gracious to unworthy 
me, in giving me a good degree of strength of body, and 
a desire in my soul to make my way through this trying 
world to a peaceful eternity! O that I may have the 
whole armour to fight the battles of my Master, and 
through his strength come off victorious ! 

The days are truly evil, and we need much grace to 
enable us to keep the narrow way, and not lose our guide ; 
for we are surrounded by enemies on every hand: some, 
who profess to love the Lord, are watching for EVIL, 
and not for gooc* : — may they be sensible that it was a 
command of our blessed Saviour, "to love one another" 
as he hath loved us! May our hearts overflow with love 
to God, and our brethren ! My soul longs for more of 
that spirit, that my heart might melt at human woe ! 
May my soul feel lor my dear fellow sinners, that I may 
bear them up by faith, to a throne of grace, knowing 
their souls are in danger, while living without God in the 
world ! My lot is a peculiar one, may God help me to 
fill the station that hath fallen to me, with true courage 
and fortitude. My companion is calling sinners to re- 
pentance, under many trials and inconveniencies : may 
the Lord stand by him, and give him power, and wisdom, 
from above, to give to every one a portion in due season ! 

Wednesday, August 31st. We have come eight or 
ten miles this morning ; after Lorenzo had preached at 
sunrise, to a considerable congregation, with a good 
degree of liberty : the people were very serious, and 
many I trust were true lovers of Jesus ! In about two 
days Lorenzo preached seven times ; the last meeting 
was under the trees by moonlight; the prospect was 
delightful, he addressed the people from these words : 
" Who is she that looketh forth at the morning, fair 
as the moon, clear as the sun, and terrible as an army 
with banners." The people were solemn and tender.— 



118 



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After this meeting he came to Dr. Young's, where 1 
had been left two days and one night. May the Lord 
strengthen his body and soul, that he may cry aloud, and 
spare not for sinners to repent. The times are truly 
awful, and alarming; may God send the word home with 
power to the hearts of the impenitent, that they may take 
the alarm, and fly to the arms of Jesus for shelter, before 
troubles shall overtake them. 

We have heard a report that the cicy of Washington 
is taken by the enemy and burned, but I hope it is not 
so: be that as it may, we must strive to sink into the 
will of the Lord ! What though the fire, or plague, 
or sword, receive commission from the Lord to strike 
his saints among the rest, their very pains and deaths 
are blest! O that the Lord would prepare them for 
every event of his providence ! I think I should be will- 
ing to go to any part of the world, if the Lord would 
make duty plain before us ; the way seems to be intricate 
at present, although our way hath been opened in a very 
wonderful manner since we left Virginia. Bless the 
Lord O my soul! and let all within me join to praise his 
holy name ! may he guide us in the way he would have 
us to go, and teach us our duty, and enable us willingly 
to bear the cross, that we may wear a crown of glory at 
last. 

If our happy land should be brought into bondage to a 
foreign foe, the times will be distressing beyond what 
many imagine. I pray God to deliver us from our 
enemies, if it is consistent with his will; and if we need 
a scourge, that we may fall into the hands of God, and 
not man; my heart is pained on the account of my 
country. 

My companion preached on Thursday, 1st of Septem- 
ber, three times; first at a Methodist meeting-house in 
Malta, where we had a sweet and precious time, there 
were many praying souls present : from thence we came 
on to a friend's house, where we got some refreshment : 
we then went to another appointment at a large " steeple 
house" where he had been requested to preach by some 
person; but the house was shut when we arrived, and 
was not opened at all, for what reason I cannot tell ; but 
expect it was through prejudice; but this did not dis- 



THE WILDERNESS. 



119 



hearten him, he stood up by the side of the house, and 
gave them a discourse on "many are called, but few are 
chosen." The people were attentive in general, except 
one or two, who thought their craft in danger ; they 
grumbled a little to themselves, but did not make much 
disturbance : we had a. peaceable waiting before the 
Lord. From thence we came on to Still Water village, 
where he had another appointment; there he spoke in 
the open air, to a tolerable congregation, who gave good 
attention ! there the meeting house was shut also against 
him. From thence we came on to the Borough, to a 
brother Even's, where we stayed that night, the next day 
Lorenzo had an appointment at ten o'clock; my prayer 
to the Lord was that he would stand by him. We were 
on our way to the city of New York, and what awaited 
us there I could not tell, the gloomy clouds seemed 
gathering over our hemisphere ; our once happy land is 
involved in a bloody war, and what will be the end of it, 
we cannot tell ; may the great Master give those that 
have an interest at the throne of grace, the true spirit of 
agonizing prayer, to cry mightily to God for deliverance 
from the thraldom of wcr ! 

My Lorenzo is drawn to visit a land far distant from 
that which gave him birth ; may God teach him the way" 
he would hare him go ! My desire is, that God would 
direct our steps, and enable us to do our duty ; that 
when the storms of life are over, we may sit down in the 
paradise of God ! 

Friday, Sept. 3d. This day Lorenzo hath preached 
once at the Borough, to an attentive congregation ; we 
found kind friends in this place. From thence we came 
to Waterford, and stopped at friend King's, where we 
were received with expressions of kindness. They, 
with one more, requested Lorenzo, to stay over the Sab- 
bath, which he consented to ; my soul's desire was, that 
the Lord would stand by his, and make his stay profit- 
able to souls ! 

My heart was something gloomy, the prospect was 
dark, the times precarious ; what was before us, I could 
not tell, and I felt my heart drawn out in prayer to God, 
that he would help us to walk in the way he would have 
us to go : my desire is. that 1 may be prepared for all the 



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troubles and difficulties, that I may have to encounter in 
this world of woe ! My dear companion in tribulation is 
quite feeble in body, which gives me much pain. O that 
I may learn the lesson of submission : the time is fast 
approaching when sorrow will be turned into joy, to those 
that are faithful to the God of all grace ! O that I may 
be of that happy number ! 

Lorenzo is preaching in Waterford still; on Friday 
and on Saturday night, on Sunday morning at sun-rise, 
and at eight o'clock : the people came out very well, and 
appeared very solemn, and I trust good was done in the 
name of the Lord. May the Lord inspire our hearts, to 
cry mightily to him "who is able to save ; for ourselves, 
and our country ; it lies near my heart, and O that the 
people may feel interested for Its welfare, and lay at the 
feet of the Master, and humble themselves in the dust, 
that God may deliver us ! 

September 6th. We came to Lancinburgh, the appoint- 
ment having been given out the day before ; but Mr. Chi- 
chester, a local preacher, who had been a principal man 
in building the meeting-house in that place, forbid his 
preaching in it ; consequently, the people erected seats by 
the side of a large brick house, for accommodation beneath 
its shade, where we had a refreshing time from the pre- 
sence of the Lord : my heart was grateful that his bless- 
ings were not confined to any particular place : for if we 
fly to the desert, behold he is there — in the city or coun- 
try — still the Throne of grace is accessible to the humble 
soul ! May God ever keep us from pride, and vain-glory, 
that we may always keep the intercourse open between 
our souls and him ! 

From thence we went to Troy, but the same difficulty 
existed there, the meeting house was shut in this place 
also ; but he repaired to the market-house, where he soon 
had a large company, and spoke to them there: many 
appeared quite serious : may conviction fasten on their 
hearts! We had been in Troy about six years before, 
and then had more friends than we could visit ; but now 
we were under the necessity of going to a public house to 
put up for the night: but after Lorenzo had done preach- 
ing, and we had retired to our lodgings, there was a 
friend, who we had no previous acquaintance with, came 



THE WILDERNESS. 



121 



to the tavern where we were, and requested us to go and 
sleep at his house, which, after some hesitation we 
accepted, but left our horse where he was* 

The different treatment we met with" moid, from what 
we had received in years that were past, made a very 
great impression on my mind Lorenzo had preached in 
this same place a number of times about six years pre- 
vious, and was treated with much kindness by the Me- 
thodists ; but now they were very distant. 

We left Troy about eight o'clock on Monday morning, 
and travelled more than forty miles that day, and stayed 
at a public house at night. We started early in the mor- 
ning, and came about seven miles, to a house of enter- 
tainment, where we stopped for breakfast. There Lorenzo 
missed his pocket-book— he left it under his pillow — it 
had bank notes of considerable amount in it: he took the 
horse, borrowed a saddle, rode back and found it, which 
was matter of thankfulness to us. After taking breakfast, 
we started and came on to Rhinebeck Flats, but made no 
stop ; from thence to the ferry. We had to cross in a 
sail boat, and the wind blew quite hard, so that it appear- 
ed considerably gloomy to me ; but we got over very well. 
We wished to get to Sopus, or rather Kingston, which 
was about three miles from the ferry, before we stopped. 
We came on, and the first thing we saw when the town 
appeared in view, was a numerous concourse of people 
assembled together, to see the soldiers take their departure 
for the city of New York, to defend it, if necessary from 
the enemy. This filled my heart with pain and sorrow, 
when I considered they were liable to fall in the contest, 
and leave perhaps a wife and children unprotected ; and 
if not a wife and children, they had parents whose hearts 
were bleeding at the prospect — May God deliver us in 
his own good time. 

We were received by brother and sister Covel with 
friendship : may the Lord reward them in this world with 
every temporal blessing necessary, and crown them at 
last with a crown of glory ! It gives me fresh courage 
when I meet with those who love and serve the Lord, 
for we find such to be kind and affectionate to all. 

The times are truly awful 1 — may the Lord stand by 
his followers, and help them to lay at his feet, that they 



122 



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may be prepared for the gathering- storm — my God, give 
me more grace to hang my soul on Thee ! I know what 
I have passed through, but what is to come I cannot tell: 
but if God be for us, who can be against us ? O that we 
may so live, that we may be prepared for the worst* 

Since we left our father's, we have travelled several 
hundred miles, through a delightful countiy, flowing as 
it were, " with milk and honey"— plenty abounds on 
every hand — nothing is lacking but a grateful sense from 
whence these mercies flow. May God inspire the hearts 
of the people with a due sense of their privileges, both 
of a spiritual and temporal nature, which they do enjoy ; 
and may they esteem them as they ought, that they may 
be saved from destruction ! 

We stayed two nights and part of three days at friend 
CovePs ; and Lorenzo had two meetings in the town, in 
a court-house, to a crowded audience; and they were as 
attentive as could be expected, considering what a thought- 
less place it was — may God have mercy upon them ! 

We left friend Covel's on Thursday, September 5th, 
and travelled on until night, and stopped at a public 
house : from thence w r e came on towards Newburgli, and 
about ten o'clock we came to a brother Fowler's, and 
called ; but he not being at home, and the family not 
choosing to give us an invitation to stop, we kept on to 
Newburgh. We had been directed to call at a friend's 
house, by the name of Cowles, but could not find him. 
We then continued on our way, intending the first public 
house we came to, to stop, and get some refreshment ; but 
in passing a toll bridge, the old man who attended it 
knew Lorenzo, and solicited him so earnestly to stop and 
take breakfast, that he consented. They appeared much 
pleased and entertained us as well as we could wish : it 
was done with such cheerfulness, that it made it a plea- 
sant repast to us indeed. O that people who have it in 
their power to do good in the world, would be more 
liberal, and not let the POOR out do them, and so take 
their crown !-*-May God have mercy on the high and 
lofty ones of the earth, and teach them they are born to 
qie, and perhaps their dust will mingle with the beggars' ! 
and if they are not purified by grace, their souls will 
appear guilty before Goa! and how can they stand in 



THE WILDERNESS. 



123 



that great day, \rhen the dread alarm shall be sounded — 
arise ye dead and come to judgment ! My God make us 
all sensible of the necessity of being reaclf to meet our 
judge in the air I 

From the toll bridge we taiae oa to a public house, and 
stopped to feed our horse ; and while he was eating, there 
was a woman, wbo we had met in a wagon a little before 
we got to this house, who thinking this was Lorenzo, had 
returned back to this house, and requested him to stop 
and preach to the people in this neighbourhood: the 
tavern-keeper also solicited him, saying he would notify 
the nighbours. Lorenzo then consented to stay ; and we 
went about a mile further, to sleep at a house where they 
were Methodists. The place where we went to was a 
delightful spot, situated in a valley, between two consi- 
derable mountains, covered with shrubs and trees, but not 
very fertile, which made the contrast more striking. The 
house was surrounded with meadows and fruit trees — 
the scene appeared charming beyond description i This 
would be a sweet retreat, was suggested to my mind ; if 
we had but a few select friends, whose souls were formed 
for social pleasure, as it relates to spiritual and temporal 
converse t 

But stop, my fancy ! stay thy soul on God, who can 
give peace even on the raging ocean. To him, and him 
alone would I look lor comfort, and not to objects which 
are so transient: my lot appears to be in a peculiar sphere, 
and I hope in love and mercy the Master will enable me 
m fill it with patience and submission. 

We left Cornwall on Saturday morning, and proceeded 
on our way toward the city of New York : we made such 
progress, that we got within fifteen or sixteen miles of 
the city that night, and put up at a public house ; where 
we were much disturbed by some town's people, who, I 
believe, did it on purpose, on the account of our apfvear- 
ao.ee. O that thev may be made sensible of the duty 
they owe to THEMSELVES, their GOD, and their 
NEIGHBOURS! 

We started early on Sunday morning, and got to a 
brother Paradise's, at Bull's Ferry, where we left our 
horse and wagon — -Lorenzo hired a Presbyterian m&a to 
keep him : and brother P&radise took a small boat and 



/ 



124 



VICISSITUDES IN 



rowed us down to the city. My mind was overspread 
with a gloom, but I strove to put my trust in the Lord — 
we had a pleasant time on the water— we got down to 
New York about two o'clock, and went to our old friend 
brother Munson's, and was received with the same marks 
of friendship as formerly — may the Lord reward them 
for their kindness to us. Our situation is as good at pre- 
sent as it has ever been, as it relates to our temporal 
prospects, but no doubt trials await us still ; may the 
Lord prepare us for whatever may befal us in the way of 
duty I I have met with another kind family, who I am 
under ma»y obligations to in days that are past: they 
still are friends— this is not the case with many — brother 
and sister Decamp are true-hearted I may the Lord pros- 
per them on their journey to a peaceful eternity I 

The cloud appears to spread over the American hemi- 
sphere — may God prepare his children for the shock : 
what though the fire, or plague, or sword, receive^ com- 
mission from the Lord to strike his saints among the rest, 
their pains and deaths are blest ? 

Monday, September 12th. I have this day felt my 
heart somewhat more composed than I have done for 
some time. 

September 13th. This day we have received more 
intelligence of the invasion of our once happy land. O 
that the Lord would prepare us for every event of his 
providence ! 

September I4th. I desire to be truly thankful to the 
great Giver of every mercy, for the blessings I do enjoy 
this precious morning; I enjoy a tolerable degree of 
health, and am surrounded with kind friends. O that my 
soul may be rilled with grateful songs of praise to him, 
who so richly provides for me ! my situation is as plea- 
sant as it has ever been, perhaps for many years. 

*' Bless God, my soul, even unto death, 
if And write a song for every breath."^ 

September 15th, May my heart be made truly sensible 
of my dependence upon God, who giveth to every one 
liberally, that seek him with an undivided heart: but I 
feel this morning, as though my heart was too far from 



THE WILDERNESS, 



125 



that enjoyment which makes happy in this world, and in 
the next. May my heart be revived, and filled with love 
to God, and my fellow mortals. Religion is low at this 
time, in almost every direction ; may our hearts feel ' 
interested for the prosperity of the church ! 

The times are truly alarming, the sound of WAR is 
heard in our borders, the- alarm is gone forth — " Ye sons 
of Columbia, to arms, to arms." Our sea-boards are 
likely to be deluged in blood. While our interior is in 
commotion, our frontiers have been saluted by the war- 
whoop of the savage; while their tender wives and children 
have fallen victims to their wanton cruelty; may HE 
that rules on high, that can calm the raging ocean, and 
bring harmony out of confusion, undertake our cause, 
and deliver us from the hand of our enemy, and establish 
peace once more on the earth! But this may only be the 
beginning of sorrow to the inhabitants of this terrestrial 
bail. O that all who have an interest at the throne of 
Grace, would cry mightily to him for strength, to stand 
in this day of adversity. Lord prepare us to-make our 
way through all opposition, to the peaceful happy man- 
sions of unclouded day. O happy, happy land, when 
shall we get there — my God wash out the stains that sin 
has made on my immortal soul, that I may have a glorious 
admittance into those pure regions of everlasting rest 
Trials await me on these mortal shores: may the God 
of love attend us by his grace, and give us true submis- 
sion to his will ! May my soul be filled with love and 
gratitude, to that hand, who hath provided for me, from 
my cradle, to the present time. How much I owe, yet 
how little I do as I ought. O my soul awake ! awake ! to 
a sense of duty to the God of all consolation, that my 
soul may be filled with all his fulness. 

September 16th. Nothing material has taken place inr 
my situation for some days, but a continual clamour of 
WAR is saluting our ears, and what will be the final 
issue, doth not yet appear : may we be prepared for what- 
ever may await us : my soul is truly pained on account 
of my country. O that God would undertake the cause 
of America ; that the people may learn humility, and 
submission, to his divine will ! 

My mind was much depressed this morning, when I 



126 



VICISSITUDES IN 



arose, but these words came to my mind, " Be still, asd 
know that I am God, 55 with some power > may my heart 
acquiesce in whatever may be our lot. 

We have just heard the joyful tidings, that our dear 
fellow citizens of the town of Baltimore, are delivered 
from their troublesome visiters. O that their hearts may 
be thankful to that hand, who was able to save, when 
appearances were most gloomy; help us, O thou God of 
love, to render thee sincere thanks for these mercies ; and 
may America, above all lands, be conformed to the will 
of him, who hath wrought out such a deliverance for thh 
favoured country I may my heart glow with thankfulness 
to such a good God, and may the remnant of my days be 
spent in his service. 

Sunday, September 18th. This day my soul hath 
been refreshed under the improvement of brother Daniel 
Smith $ while discoursing on the wickedness of the Jews, 
the once chosen people of God, in destroying that mast 
worthy servant of God, Stephen j his triumphant death, 
and ascension to glory. It filled my soul with raptures. 
I had something of a view, of the suffering Christian^ 
bidding adieu to a world of woe, transported by a convoy 
of angels, to his Redeemer's bosom I O what a glorious 
scene I may that be my happy lot, though unworthy I 

September 19th. My heart feels quite gloomy this day, 

that these trials might teach me from whence my 
strength must come I I cannot tell what is before me ; 
may God prepare and help me to hang upon his promises, 
and lay at the feet of the Redeemer of mankind. I long 
to be more holy, that my heart may be drawn from earthy 
and placed on more 'permanent riches. Through grace 

1 hope one day to out-ride the tempest and storms of life, 
?nd reach the fair fields of unclouded day. May God 
revive his work in the land, and prosper ZION, and fill 
his church with faithful Christians I 

September 21 st. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and for- 
get not all his benefits. The days are evil, we have 
need of more wisdom and humility, to walk the narrow 
road that leads to joys on high ! What a vain, deceitful 
world we have to travel through : How many snares on 
every side ; may we be as wise as serpents, and harmless 
as waves. 



THE WILDERNESS, 



127 



Friday, September 23d. The days are rolling fast 
away: may I have wisdom and grace, to improve my 
time to the glory of my Creator and the comfort and 
satisfaction of my own immortal soul ! My heart is 
often pained to see and feel so little of the life of religion, 
in almost every direction : may the Lord once more 
revive his work in the land i 

Since 1 came to the city, my husband and self, took a 
walk to the " State's Prison," which was a very great 
satisfaction to me. We gave one shilling for admittance, 
and had the privilege of going through every apartment 
in the prison : and to see the neatness, and industry, that 
prevails there, was truly charming. This institution, is 
one of" the most noble, perhaps that ever was adopted by 
any nation: it saves many of those poor unfortunate 
creatures, who have forfeited their life, and liberty, from 
suffering death ; and gives them a space for repentance : 
and furthermore, their labour is very useful to the com- 
munity. The men were very serious, and appeared quite 
downcast ; but the women, that have been so unfortunate, 
as to get into this place, appear the most hardened crea- 
tures I ever saw. This is a striking proof, to what human 
nature may be reduced! There is a large square in the 
centre of the Prison, where they may range for health, at 
times. A man may love and serve the Lord in this 
place, as well as in any other, if he be so minded, and it 
may be, some of these poor mortals will be brought to 
reflection. The happy day is fast approaching, I trust, 
when LIGHT will shine forth, as the morning, and peace 
will be established upon the earth. 

From the eleventh of September to the seventh of 
October, Lorenzo spent in New York: then he took his 
departure for Philadelphia, expecting to return in six or 
eight weeks ; but, when he arrived there, he found his 
way opened in the city and country, so that he thought 
best to send for me to come to Philadelphia, where he 
had concluded to spend the winter. Accordingly I start- 
ed without delay, in a carriage which was sent for me, 
and arrived in safety in about three days. J. was kindly 
received by friend Allen and'his wife ; where I tarried 
until the return of Lorenzo from the Eastern Shore ; 
whither he had taken a tour two or three weeks previous. 
10 



128 



VICISSITUDES IN 



When he came back, he wished to find a small room, 
where we could be retired from the world for a few 
months; and we were so fortunate as to meet with a 
friend, (who had plenty of house room, and was willing 
to accommodate us with a small room; which was made 
very comfortable by putting up a stove in it,) in a neigh- 
bourhood of the people called Quakers ; where we found 
it very agreeable. I attended their meetings with much 
satisfaction : I believe many, very many of those people 
to be truly spiritual ! The friend and his wife, at whose 
house we stopped, belonged to the meeting, and they both 
appeared striving to be what they ought — May the Master 
prosper them in the way of their duty. 

February 27th, 1815. The news of PEACE salutes 
our borders, and echoes through the land I It is a truly 
pleasing sound I May it inspire our hearts with gratitude 
to that hand who hath given us the blessing ! O that 
divine peace may fill every soul, until this favoured 
nation shall become ImmanuePs land, and the earth be 
full of his glory ! 

Quietness, as a Canopy covers my Mind. 

" GREAT God, thy name be blest, 

Thy goodness be ador'd, 
My soul has been distress'd 

But thou hast peace restored. 

" A thankful heart I feel, 

In peace my mind is staid, 
Balsamic ointments heal 

The wounds by sorrow made. 

" Though elements contend, 

Though wind and waters rage ? 
I've an unshaken Friend, 

Who doth my grief assuage, 

,( Though storms without arise, 
Emblems of those within, 



THE WILDERNESS. 



On Christ my soul relies, 
The sacrifice for sin. 

" Though inward storms prevail, 

Afflicting to endure, 
I've help that cannot fail, 
In Him that's ever sure. 

u Though outward war and strife 

Prevail from sea to sea, 
I've peace in inward life, 

And that sufficeth me. 

u Though clamour rear ks head, 
And stalk from shore to shore, 

My food is angels' bread, 
What can I covet more 1 

u Though ill reports abound, 
Suspicions and surmise, 

I find, and oft have found, 
In death true comfort lies^ 

That death I mean whereby 
Self-iove and will are slain ; 
For these, the more they die 
The more the Lamb doth reig&~ 

II And well assur'd I am 
True peace is only known 

Where He, the harmless Lamb, 
Has made the heart his throne. 

11 Then, then may ■tempests rage* 
Cannon may roar in vain ; 

The Rock of every age f 

The Lamb } the Lamb doth reign..' 



130 



VICISSITUDES IN 



May 8th, 1815. We left Philadelphia in the steam 
boat, for New York, after spending an agreeable winter 
at Benedict Dorseys. The weather being very chilly 
and my health somewhat impaired by reason of a severe 
cold I had taken some time previous, and this ex- 
posure which I passed through, came very near being 
too much for my feeble constitution. After we arrived 
at New York I was confined almost two weeks to my 
bed — but recovering my strength in some measure, we 
embarked on board a Packet for New London, where we 
had every accommodation necessary — and after a plea- 
sant sail of about thirty hours, we arrived safely and 
found the people kind and friendly. But the cold I had 
taken was so deeply seated on my lungs, it was thought 
by many, it would prove serious in its consequence to 
me. We arrived here on Saturday — on Sunday, Lorenzo 
preached four times to crowded congregations, and several 
times through the week, until he was sick } he was attacked 
very suddenly as he was about to lay down at night, with 
a pain at his heart attended with chills. We were then 
at his brother's — -we were all much alarmed, thinking 
perhaps his dissolution was at hand — yet he appeared 
composed and serene, with a smile on his countenance 
although his pain was beyond description ! My soul was 
poured out to God for his deliverance — after a while he 
got so much relief that he could be layed down in his 
bed — but continued very ill for near two weeks ; he then 
had recovered so far as to be able to go on board a boat for 
Norwich, where we arrived in five or six hours* 

We were received with kindness by brother Bentley 
and his companion. Lorenzo was still very feeble in 
body — but the people appearing very anxious he should 
preach, he consented, and at six o'clock that evening, the 
Baptist meeting-house was opened and well filled: he 
addressed them — his strength held out beyond what could 
have been expected. He spoke again on Monday night ; 
it was a solemn assembly, and I hope good was done in 
the name of the Lord. 

Lorenzo hired a wagon and horse to convey us to his 
father's, which was betwixt twenty and thirty miles.— 
Early on Tuesday morning we started and arrived there 
about one o'clock on the 14th of June. We found his 
dear father in tolerable health ? with the rest of the family* 



THE WILDERNESS. 



131 



Lorenzo spent two weeks with us, and then thinking it 
best to leave me with his father, bid me farewell and 
set out on a tour through a part of Rhode Island, and 
Massachusetts to sound an alarm to the fallen race of 
Adam in those parts. My heart went with him, in desire 
that he might be useful to precious souls. 

His father's place of residence is very pleasant, I spent 
my hours as agreeably as the circumstances could admit, 
seeing I was separated from my companion, and had not 
the opportunity of meeting — there being none within my 
reach, except the Presbyterian, and that not very conve- 
nient. He thought he might be absent three or four 
months, but returned in five or six weeks, unexpectedly 
tome, and spent a few weeks- with us — made prepara- 
itons to leave me with his father, and star? on a long tour 
which would take him eight or nine months to accom- 
plish. This was something trying to my feelings— but I 
dare not say, do not go, neither do I feel a disposition to 
prevent him doing his duty. 

On the 30th of August had got in readiness and bid 
me adieu — leaving me comfortably provided for, as it 
relates to outward things. The family consisted of his 
father, sister, and myself ; the old gentleman an affection- 
ate friend and father. We spent our time for the most 
part quite comfortably : considering the cold inclement 
season, my health was far better than it had been for 
years. I frequently received letters from my absent com- 
panion, which gave me much satisfaction ; this being the 
only way we could communicate our pleasures or pains 
to each other. He gave me to understand he expected 
to return to us in April or May. The last letter I received 
from him, was dated March 30th, expected to sail from 
New Orleans to New York the first of April; and by his 
writing, it appeared to me, there was a doubt whether he 
should be brought through in safety — or at least he ex- 
pected some uncommon difficulty to attend him ; which 
laid me under great anxiety of mind; the season also 
being so uncommonly blustering, that I, from the first of 
April until the middle of May, was in a state of mind 
not to be expressed. This gave my body another shock — 
for the mind and body are so closely connected, one can- 
not suffer, without the other in some considerable degrea 
10* 



132 



VICISSITUDES IN 



feeling affected. I strove hard to apply to HIM who is 
able to save, and at times found some relief ; but then 
my thoughts would retrace the happy seasons which 
were past ; and the gloomy prospects that now presented 
to view, made me very wretched. I strove to realize the 
day, the happy blessed day, when we should meet to part 
no more ; but could not so much as 1 could wish ; this 
gave me greater pain, seeing my heart so attached to 
earthly objects. Yet under all this, in some measure I 
was supported ; for which may my heart render a tribute 
of praise to the great Giver 01 all our mercies ! 

About the 15th of May, I received the pleasing intelli- 
gence that Lorenzo had arrived at New York, which 
removed a heavy burthen from my heart, and the 25th he 
reached his father's. I need not say it was a memorable 
day to me — may I ever feel true sensations of gratitude 
for all these favours » — and improve them while they are 
preserved to me ! My soul's desire is, to find closer com- 
munion with my God ; in a y my soul sink in his will in 
all things ! 

After Lorenzo's return, he prepared to steer his course 
first to Philadelphia, then into the state of New York — 
from thence to Vermont ; and wishing me to go with him, 
he procured a horse and wagon, and oti the 12th of June 
we left his father's house, it being twelve months, lack- 
ing two days, since I came there ; we went from there to 
Hebron, where we stayed a few days — met some prea- 
chers from the General Conference; they were friendly 
towards Lorenzo — from thence we came on to Durham, 
where we spent the sabbath. Lorenzo preached three 
times ; on Monday morning we left there and proceeded 
on to New Haven — there we met with more preachers 
and kind friends : here we stayed until Friday. Lorenzo 
held a number of meetings in the time. From there we 
came to New York — spent the sabbath, and he also held 
three meetings there in the course of the day. I met 
with old friends Captain Anderson and his wife, who 
gave me a pressing invitation to go home with them that 
evening. Lorenzo was willing, and I accepted the invi- 
tation ; he was to come over the next morning. Accord- 
ingly I went and spent an agreeable evening, and about 
one o'clock the next day, Lorenzo came — but I was quite 



THE WILDERNESS. 133 



unwell ; the weather having become much warmer, it so 
debilitated me, that Lorenzo feared lest I could not hold 
out to travel — and Captain Anderson and his wife wish- 
ing me to tarry with them, I concluded to stay ; accord- 
ingly on Tuesday morning, Lorenzo set off on his way to 
Philadelphia, leaving me behind ; he came on that night 
to Bridgetown, where he preached ; and finding such an 
opening, he spent two or three days in the place. The 
friends requested him to send for me to come there : 
accordingly brother Thomas Pitts came on to New York, 
got brother Washburne to write a few lines to me — I 
came over from Hoboken and met him at brother Wash- 
burne's ; the next day we were to go on board the steam- 
boat. I did not expect Lorenzo so soon ; but when we 
came to the ferry-house, and the boat come in, Lorenzo 
was on board : he intended returning that night or the 
next day to Bridgetown, consequently I went on ; and he 
returned that night. We have spent some time in this 

Elace; and find the people remarkably kind — may they 
e rewarded for their kindness to us. My soul's desire to 
God is, that HE would reward our kind benefactors 
wherever they be. 

Visited Woodbndge — had meeting in the meeting 
house of the Presbvterians, and returned to Bridgetown 
and held several other meetings. 

July 26, 1816 — We left " Bridgetown," N. Jersey, and 
came on to Newark, where he found he had an appoint- 
ment about seven miles distant from there, in the after- 
noon, leaving an appointment for night at Newark ; he 
started to fulfil it ; he returned and preached to a crowded 
auditory ; and made three more for the next day, which 
he attended. On Thursday he started from Newark, 
giving out that he would be there again on Friday night 
— I stayed at Newark through the interim ; accordingly, 
he returned, and preached to a large congregation. Early 
on Saturday morning we left Newark, and proceeded on 
our way to an appointment Lorenzo had left the day he 
had preached at brother Dickenson's, to be in the woods, 
not far from his house ; at ten o'clock there was convened 
under the trees a tolerable company of attentive people ; 
from thence we went to New Providence, where Lorenzo 
preached again at night, this being Saturday night. On 



134 



VICISSITUDES IN 



Sunday morning at five o'clock, and he preached again at 
ten, a meeting he attended six or eight miles from there, 
and returned— preached at three ; from there to Chatham 
in the evening: the next day returned to New Provi- 
dence, and preached at ten, then back to Chatham, 
preached at three; from there five or six miles, and at 
night held in a barn, which was much crowded, and the 
day following meeting in the woods, a few miles off— 
from thence to Morris Town — held a meeting in a Bap- 
tist meeting-house, some behaved well, others were some- 
what unfeeling. We met with a man who invited us to 
go and stay with him for the night, we accepted the invi- 
tation, found them kind and affectionate. I spent a very 
agreeable time — from thence we went to brother Munn's, 
had a meeting at night, at a house about a mile and a half 
distant ; the next day we went on to an appointment at 
an old man's, whose house had been a preaching-house 
for twenty or thirty years. Here the congregation was 
small, but a tolerable time — from here we travelled on a 
number of miles through a rough road, to a man's house, 
who had given out an appointment for the evening; — - 
There came out a goodly number, to whom he spoke ; 
they were attentive. Early the next morning we pro- 
ceeded on our journey, and struck turnpike, through 
Pumpton plains, so on across the country, until we struck 
a long turnpike ; we met with no friends after this until 
we came to Kingston — this was sabbath morning, we 
had to stay at public houses, which was very unpleasant, 
for several nights previous ; from Kingston we continued 
on to Catskill, where we found some friends, who loved 
much in word and in tongue; we stayed there from 
Sunday night until Tuesday morning, in the mean time 
Lorenzo held several meetings ; from thence we went on 
to Guemans Landing, met with a very kind family, the 
man is Post-Master in that place ; he pressed Lorenzo to 
stay and preach in the evening, accordingly we stopped, 
had a solemn meeting before the Lord, and were treated 
with every attention by our kind host and his wife, that 
we could wish. On Wednesday morning we continued 
our journey to Albany ; here, in years past, we had lome 
kind friends, but now otherwise. We got into the city 
about twelve o'clock, and stopped at a public house, 



THE WILDERNESS, 



135 



while Lorenzo attended to some temporal concerns ; I 
had some refreshment prepared. In the mean time Lo- 
renzo met a young man from Schenectady, who invited 
him to preach there that evening; he readily consented, 
and after dinner we started, and arrived, perhaps, the sun 
an hour high, we were invited to stay at a public house, 
on free cost, by the man ; I thought the woman was not 
well pleased ; be that as it may we stayed; I was so 
fatigued I did not go to meeting, but understood it was a 
solemn time. 

On Thursday morning, before the sun was up, we 
started, and came on betwixt forty and fifty miles — stayed 
at a Dutch tavern ; found no particular trouble — started 
very early — came on to the Falls, there Lorenzo left an 
appointment for Monday night, on his return ; — so on to 
Harcemer, where he left another for Sunday, at four 
o'clock ; and also at Utica, where we tarried at night, and 
he preached. From thence to brother Holms', and took 
dinner — from there to brother Dewey's, but not finding 
him at home, we went on to Manely's-square, where we 
met with him at night. This being Saturday, we stayed 
over the Sabbath ; Lorenzo met with some severe trials : 
my . heart was almost filled with sorrow, the prospect 
appeared so gloomy ; but the way was opened for him to 
preach, more than he was well able: three times at the 
square, and once at Pompey's Hollow, to pretty consi- 
derable congregations ; the weather being extremely 
warm. 

On Monday, we returned with brother D. to his place 
of residence, where Lorenzo has preached three times, 
and to preach once or twice more. 

My mind hath passed through singular and deep trials 
of late ; what is the cause I know not, but I pray God to 
give me the power to withstand the enemy of my soul, 
and enable me to be a comfort to my companion, and a 
blessing to myself and others. 

Friday, August 23d. — We left Vernon and came here 
the last night — Lorenzo preached at a large meeting- 
house, built by the public; but the Presbyterians have 
the preference — may the Lord grant the seed to take deep 
root, and bring forth fruit to the glory of God. 

This morning my heart longs to sink into the will of 



136 



VICISSITUDES IN 



God — may he show me the evils of my heart, and all its 
intricate windings; that I may seek and find full deliver- 
ance from all my sins. 

On Saturday the 24th s we left Vernon. Lorenzo had 
preached a number of times to crowded congregations. — 
We came to Utica, and attended a meeting at night in 
the Methodist meeting-house, which was very much 
crowded ; also at sun-rise, the house being likewise com- 
pletely filled ; at ten o'clock again, but the house would 
not hold one quarter of the people — he was under the 
necessity of speaking in the open air. After he had done 
speaking, they came around the wagon to bid us farewell. 
I found a number of my old class-mates, all in tears, and 
appeared to be on their journey home — this gave me 
much satisfaction — we hardly could tear ourselves from 
them — we had a melting time. From thence to Harken- 
more, where he had an appointment at four o'clock on 
Sunday afternoon ; here the Presbyterian meeting-house 
was opened, and well filled : he spoke there again at 
night, and at sunrise — they were very attentive. From 
thence to the little Fall, where he spoke three times more, 
afternoon, night, and morning, to many people ; a large 
field is open through this country — May God bless the 
hungry people. 

Somewhere towards the last of September, Lorenzo 
left me, and started for Philadelphia, to attend to some 
printing, which he had engaged in that place ; expecting 
in a few weeks to have it accomplished so as to start for 
the Western Country, to supply some subscribers, but 
was disappointed, and detained, until it was so late, that 
the winter would be far advanced, before he could reach 
the further end of his route, — and feeling some uncommon 
impressions on his mind — he concluded to return to New 
England — but on the second day after he left the city, he 
was attacked with a fever ; and had he not fallen into one 
of the kindest families, 1 have but little reason to think I 
should ever have met him again on mortal shores ! 

He wrote to me to come to him, if possible ; and some- 
thing of his situation. I set out, and got as far as 
Hebron, but my way was completely hedged in on every 
hand — the weather becoming so severe, it was thought 
imprudent for me to attempt to proceed further! My 



THE WILDERNESS. 



237 



mind was in the most distressing state of anxiety, for 
better than three weeks, I ever experienced. I felt myself 
a poor lonely creature— but strove to put my trust in that 
God who was able to save; accordingly he was better 
than my fears — for my poor companion was again return- 
ed to me, for which my heart leaped for joy. O my heart, 
may it be truly grateful to our bountiful Benefactor, and 
lay at his feet in humble prostration. * 

He is still in a poor state of health, and many diffi- 
culties in the way : He who hath hitherto helped, I trust, 
will still be our support. The weather is very severe, 
and is much against Lorenzo's health, yet Providence 
seems to give him strength according to his day. 

I had some conflicts in my mind, on the account of 
what we should do for some necessaries, but the Lord 
hath provided bountifully ; yesterday our kind friend, 
brother Burrows, and his son-in-law, came and supplied 
us with all we have need of for the present ; may the 
God of all grace bless them, for their kindness to us. 

Feb. 18th. — I this day passed through some trials of 
mind, which are not new to me ; O that my God would 
undertake my cause, and deliver me from the power of 
my enemy, that I may shout Victory over my beset- 
mentsfbe prepared for life or death ; O how hard I find 
it to keep my mind in the frame I could wish. Help 
Lord, to whom for help I fly ! Still my tempted soul 
stand by, throughout the evil day ! 

Sunday, March 2d, 1817. — My poor Lorenzo is very 
unwell, still. The last night he was much distressed 
with a strange kind of complaint, which affected him 
from head to foot with spasms, and a restlessness, which 
gave me much uneasiness ; what is before us we know 
not, may our master help us to sink into his will in all 
things, and lead us in the way of truth and holiness, pre- 
pare us for whatever may await us, whether life or death, 
prosperity or adversity. Lord, we are weak, be thou 
our strength, teach us our duty, and enable us to pursue 
it with diligence. 

I have felt some impressions on my mind of late, 
which I cannot account for ; what is before me I know 
not ; may our souls drink deeper into the spirit of submis- 
sion, and love to our God ; my soul longs to lie at his feet. 



138 



VICISSITUDES IN 



Tuesday, March 4.— The days fly fast away when ray 
dear Lorenzo must depart, and probably leave me behind ; 
may my soul fly to him who can give grace and strength, to 
leave all to him, and sink into nothing at his feet, he 
hath been my supporter through a late trying scene 3 and 
I trust he will save to the end. 

O that I could sing— 

Through every period of my life 

Thy goodness I'll pursue, 
And afrer death in distant worlda, 

The pleasing theme renew. 

On March 4th.— Lorenzo went to Mansfield ; the after^ 
noon and evening were uncommonly lonely to me. I 
strove to cry to him, who can calm the boisterous ocean, 
and to prav to give me strength to submit to the will of 
the Master. I find it very hard work to give him up, but 
I hope the Lord will give me the victory at last. 

Sunday, March 16th. — My mind hath been somewhat 
comforted, in hoping all things would work for our good, 
whether it should be in separation or meeting in this 
world. May that Hand, which ^gently guideth his chil- 
dren in the way he would have them to walk, be our 
director through this howling wilderness to that of peace 
and rest. 

"Sunday, March 23d. — My companion separated from 
me, and when he will return 1 know not — may we be 
supported under all our trials. These things ought to 
teach us that this is not our abiding home — I wish it may, 
and that we might with all heart, be seeking one above. 
I trust he is striving to do good to his fellow men. May 
he be prospered in the labour, and many precious souls be 
as stars in his crown in that day when the Lord shall 
make up his jewels — and O may God help me to lie at 
his feet in humble submission, prepared for life or death I 

Tuesday, March 25th. — The Lord is still gracious to 
poor me. I have a good degree of health, and my mind 
is as comfortable as I could expect, in the absence of my 
best of husbands. May that God, who I trust he serves, 
preserve him from every danger, and may we meet once 
more on mortal shores ! I know not what is before us : we 



THE WILDERNESS. 



139 



may have deep waters to pass through. that our heads 
may be kept above the billows ! and we be prepared to lie 
down in peace at last. 

March 26th. — I have felt some anxious fears for my 
poor Lorenzo this afternoon. I would leave him to the 
Master, and say, not my will, but thine be done. 

March 28th. — This day father Dow has gone to Hebron, 
to look at the place ; what will be the result of Provi- 
dence 1 may he preserve him, and prepare his way. My 
ever precious Lorenzo has been gone two weeks this day. 
Lord bless and comfort his soul ; prepare him and me for 
what awaits us. New experiences open to us almost 
every day. May we be made willing to suffer all his 
righteous will. 

Sunday, March 30th.— My mind hath this day passed 
through deep exercises. O may the Lord ward off the 
blow which I fear ! I am left in a situation that in some 
respects is very trying. My poor Lorenzo is absent, and 
what his situation may be I know not; but this I may 
expect, bonds and afflictions await him in every place; 
but if he is faithful to his Master, he will stand by him. 
O that he may improve every moment to the best purpose 
for this world and the next, which is fast approaching. — 
Our poor father seems somewhat discouraged. I pray 
that he may be strengthened in body and mind. May 
the way be made plain before him, as it relates to this 
world and that which is to come. I desire to lie at the 
feet of the Master. May he give me the power of sub- 
mission. 

March 31st. — I have deep waters, it may be, to pass 
through ; what is best for me is only known to the Lord ; 
may he give me strength to fly and find shelter under his 
^wings. O may he bless my poor Lorenzo this day in 
soul and body ! I feel some anxiety of mind for our poor 
old father, as well as for Lorenzo and myself. May God 
teach us the way of duty ; may we walk therein with 
delight. I long to feel my heart glow with gratitude for 
the favours I do enjoy ! 

Friday, April 4th. — My heart feels too much anxiety 
for myself and my poor Lorenzo. Three weeks to day 
since he left me, and whether we shall ever meet again 
in this trying world, is only known to him, who orders 



140 



VICISSITUDES IN 



events; may he be with us in every trying hour* Dan- 
gers stand thick on every hand, I see nought 'but trials 
here, and without his supporting grace we must fall.— * 
May he give me the spirit of a Mary, to lie at his feet, 
depending only on his mercy. O that I may have a heart 
of agonizing prayer, for myself, husband, and our father, 
with the rest of our friends and kind benefactors* 

I desire to be an altogether christian, patient under 
afflictions, willing to suffer all the will of the Master.—- 
Lord bless my companion while abroad. 

Sunday, April 6th. — My mind hath been somewhat 
engaged to look for my poor companion, and that He 
would stand by him, and deliver from evils that may 
beset him in this world of sorrow and distress. O that 
the Lord would breathe into my soul a spirit of" love to 
God and my fellow men. I feel like a lonely mortal, 
bereft of all that is most dear to me in this world. These 
words are in my mind sometimes : 

As on some lonely building; top, 

The sparrow tells her moan ; 
Par from the tents of joy and hope, 

I sit and grieve alone. 

Wednesday, April 9th.— O how my heart longs to get 
a few lines from my dear Lorenzo. I have been almost 
overwhelmed with anxious fears on his account ; O may 
the Lord preserve him from all danger, and give me 
strength to sink into his will, and keepus above all things 
from sinning against him. 

Saturday, April 12th. — None knows the trials through 
which I have to pass, but him who knows all things. I 
am sore tempted by the enemy of my soul, and my 
anxious fears for my poor Lorenzo, are beyond descrip- 
tion ; four weeks yesterday, since he left me, and I have 
not received but one letter from him, and that was wrote 
in less than a week after his departure ; what can be the 
cause I know not ; may that God who is rich in mercy, 
be precious to his soul, preserve his feeble body, and may 
we be permitted once more to meet in this world of 
sorrow. My soul longs to be freed irom sin, prepared 



i 



THE WILDERNESS. 



141 



for what may be the will of Providence concerning me ; 
my strength I may truly say is perfect weakness. O that 
I could cast my whole burthen on the Lord y resign myself 
and my dear companion without reserve to him, believing 
he will sustain us through the unavoidable troubles that 
may, and do beset us. I long much to hear from my 
Lorenzo. O that I may be patient, and wait until the 
time shall come ; may God give him the spirit of his 
station, may he lie at the feet of the Master. O give me 
Mary's place, also ; fit us for a happy meeting at his 
right hand. 

Sunday, April 13th. — My mind, in some measure, hath 
been comforted this day. O that the Lord would help 
me to give my cares to the wind, when they can do no 
good, only make me wretched. I am like one almost that 
is cloistered, but it agrees we'] with the present state of 
my mind; I could hardly bear company, 1 never was 
more weighed down under trials; what it means I cannot 
tell, whether the clouds will subside or grow darker, is 
known to him who can give sunshine, or stormy weather 
when it seemeth him good ; O that he would undertake 
my cause, give me a soul humbled in the dust, at his feet. 
And may he be with my poor Lorenzo, and help us to 
bear separation with composure; why should a living 
man complain? a man for the ptfnishment of his sins? 
I have too often forgot the mercies of my God. 

Tuesday, 15th April. — This morning one load of goods 
started for Hebron. What is before us we cannot see. 
I have not heard yet from my Lorenzo : may God bless 
him. 

Sunday, April 20th. — On the 18th we came to Hebron, 
and have found an asylum, at Mr. Porter's; what awaits 
me here I cannot tell : may I rely on Providence in all 
circumstances of life ; 1 received a letter from my poor 
Lorenzo, which made my heart glad ; father Dow and 
myself have been to meeting on the hill to-day ; the 
second one I have attended since the last of January. 

Wednesday, April 23d, — I am not got out of the reach 
of anxiety, my poor Lorenzo is gone, I know not where, 
and our poor old father is feeble in body, and his mind often 
under a gloom, my heart also prone to sink. O may God 



142 VICISSITUDES IN 

help the most helpless of all creatures to put her trust in 
him. 

April 27th. — This day my heart feels in a good degree, 
to look to God for myself and my dear Lorenzo, who is 
far separated from me, and I know not how it is with 
him, but I hope Providence may protect him from all 
danger, and keep his soul near his wounded side. O Lord 
give more of thy spirit to poor me, that I may rejoice in 
tribulation 

Sunday, April 27th. — My soul feels this day a mixture 
of hope and fear ; when I look at my present situation, I 
fear lest I shall sink under the burthens and cares, as it 
relates to myself, my dear Lorenzo, and our poor father ; 
he is feeble in body, and his mind very subject to depres- 
sion ; I feel more and more attached to him, the longer I 
am acquainted with him ; may God who is able to pour 
consolation into the hearts of his creatures, comfort him 
in the decline of life, and give him an assurance of his 
love, that he may pass over Jordan in peace. 

My ever precious companion bears with great weight 
on my mind, from day to day ; I pray God to preserve 
him from evils of every kind, and bless him with a con- 
stant intercourse with his Spirit. I long to be altogether 
what is the will of God concerning me ! but my mind is 
so down with daily anxiety, that I cannot tell what to do ; 
the way is dark, I know not what is before me, but I feel 
some confidence in the Lord, that he will open the way. 
and enable me to rely on his mercy. This day my soul 
has been drawn out in prayer to God, to preserve my 
dearest Lorenzo, and if it may be consistent, to return him 
to me again in peace. O Lord help me to drink deeper 
into thy Spirit ; I feel to mourn before God, that I have 
made so little progress in the life of holiness; may he 
give me strength to set out from this day, to be more ear- 
nestly engaged to live more devoted to him ; my trials 
are increased, I need more grace, may he give me strength 
according to my day, and assist me to give all to him, 
believing he will order all things best for me and my 
second self ; it is now almost two months since I saw 
him depart, which gave me extreme pain. 

Tuesday, April 9th.— I just received a letter from Lo- 
renzo; he has had hard difficulties to surmount; O my 



THE WILDERNESS. 



143 



God preserve him, and give him strength to make his 
way through all, and may we meet again in this vale of 
tears. 

May 2d.— I last evening received another letter from 
my tried companion, he is still feeble in body, and sur- 
rounded by difficulties. O Lord look down from heaven 
thy dwelling place, and strengthen his body and soul, 
and may he walk in the light of thy countenance. 

May 15th. — May my soul feel sensations of gratitude 
to that Hand who hath preserved me until the present 
time, although I have to pass through deep waters, yet 
he doth sustain me. O that I might sink into his will, 
and leave all to him ; I feel sometimes almost ready to 
sink ; my dear Lorenzo is absent, he is feeble in body, and 
beset on every side by enemies that would injure him ; O 
may God preserve him from every harm, and bring him 
back safely to poor unworthy me again. 

May 21st. — The prospect still appears gloomy, my body 
is somewhat borne down with pain and weakness, and 
many trials of mind ; my dear Lorenzo's gone ; I know 
not his situation ; and his precious father has too great a 
burthen lying upon him ; I fear the consequence : O that 
the Lord may appear for our relief, and give me patience, 
and help me also to realize my favours, for I hare many 
to be thankful for ; but I am too apt to look on the dark 
side, and forget mercies in dwelling on troubles. 

Monday, May 26th. — Through the kindness of the 
Lord, I am more comfortable in body than I have been 
for several days ; may my heart be truly thankful to him 
who gives us all our favours ; our father has this day 
gone to Coventry, may angels attend him from the Lord, 
and safely return him to me again ; it appears very lonely 
when he is gone ; he, in some measure, makes up the 
absence of my companion. O Lord be with us all, and 
prepare us for further events. 

July 5th. — Through the month of June I have been 
out of health, and much weighed down under trials. On 
the 17th we removed from Mr. Porter's, to our own house ; 
it was but slightly fixed, for our reception, but so that it 
was, in some measure comfortable for dinner; it appeared 
pleasant to be in a house that I have some claim to ; yet 
11* 



144 



VICISSITUDES IN 



1 would hold every thing here as lent from the Lord 5 
willing to give it up when called for. 

On the second day of July, Lorenzo's sisters and brother 
Bridgemon, came to Hebron, and stayed one week, and 
then left us for Coventry. The day after 1 received a 
letter from my dear Lorenzo, reviving a hope in my 
breast, of seeing him in a few weeks; may the Lord 
prosper him, and give me patience, for I feel I can hardly 
wait until the time arrives. 

Lorenzo returned the 25th of July ; my heart leaped 
for joy to behold him once more in this world of trial ; 
he hath been prospered beyond all expectation, may my 
soul glow with gratitude to the God of all mercies, for 
those unmerited favours. 

August 24th. — I have again had to conflict with the 
enemy of souls and my weapons have, as yet, appeared 
too weak to conquer, but I feel a hope in my soul, that 
through Jesus's grace, I shall be victorious at last ; I find 
I have my besetments, and some in particular, that attract 
me more forcibly than others. O that God may give me 
strength to withstand them. I am truly desirous to be a 
comfort to my dear Lorenzo ; he has his trials in the 
peculiar mode he is called to pursue ; may he have grace 
and wisdom to keep to his guide. I have had my mind 
exercised concerning the extraordinary union of soul and 
body ; when the soul is under trials, the body immediately 
feels the Weight, the body also must weigh down the soul 
when affected, consequently, a body so feeble as mine, 
and a mind so liable to depression and evil, needs to strug- 
gle hard to keep above the billows, which soon after arise. 

O Lord help ! O Lord strengthen and support me under 
all my conflicts, and give me a clear prospect to another 
world. 

My Lorenzo must leave me again in a few days, may I 
cheerfully give him up, and may the Lord go with and 
bless him on his journey. 

Tuesday, September 6th. — This day my soul hath 
passed through deep waters, and I fear lest the floods 
cover me at last ; O that God would appear for my relief, 
and show me why the enemy of my soul is permitted to 
beset me so severely 1 O that I could fly to the arms of a 
bleeding Saviour, and sink into nothing at his feet. I am 



THE WILDERNESS. 



145 



poor and needy, weaker than a bruised reed, help I every 
moment need. 

September 10th. — There is still a gloom on my mind, 
though somewhat lighter, but what will be the end of 
me, I know not ; but I hope the Lord may free me from 
an heart prone to evil ; O that I might stand in a situation 
that the enemy may have nothing to work upon in me ! 

October 17th. — My soul still labours under trials. I 
strive to cry to God for delivering grace, but when I shall 
obtain what my soul needs, I know not. O that he would 
make haste to deliver ! My dear Lorenzo has been absent 
near seven weeks ; may the Lord be with him, comfort 
and strengthen him, soul and body. 

Saturday night, November 15th. — My soul feels the 
need of a greater conformity to that God, in whom I live, 
to whom I am indebted for every blessing I do enjoy, 
temporal and spiritual. I shall, (if I live to see another 
day,) be thirty-seven years oi age, and I would lay my 
mouth in the dust, at his feet, lamenting I have spent 
those precious months, days, and moments so little to the 
glory of his grace, and the benefit of my own soul, and 
the good of others. I desire this precious night to make 
a covenant with my soul, to begin with the first of my 
thirty-eighth year, and strive to dedicate my soul and 
body to the Lord. Whether I shall see half the year 
expire, is only known to him who has the issues of life 
and death ; but that need not alarm me so much, as how 
I spend my time. O that he would bow the gentle hea- 
vens, and come into my soul ; then I shall have power to 
fight the enemy who continually besets me on every side. 
My dear companion is now absent— may God be with 
him, and preserve him from every danger ; and if it may 
consist with his holy will, bring him to me again in safety. 

November 18th. — O God of all grace, help me to lie at 
thy feet, that I may overcome the evils of my heart ; and 
unite my soul to thee by a living faith, that death cannot 
dissolve. 

December 12th. — A new, or rather an old trial revived, 
has again fallen to my lot : my dear Lorenzo is far sepa- 
rated from me, and I have reasons to fear he is in a more 
than common poor state of health ; and what the Master 
has in store for us, I know not, but I hope he will give us 



146 



VICISSITUDES IN 



grace to submit to his will without murmuring, to lay at 
the feet of my Master, is what I most earnestly seek 
after. If I meet him no more on this side Jordan, mny 
God prepare me to join the happy company on the other; 
to spend a long eternity in adoring redeeming grace, and 
dying love. My soul is much weighed down under the 
present trial ; may I be strengthened to soar above all the 
world can give, and may the too strong attachment I feel 
to my companion, be overcome with love to my Saviour, 
who has done so much for me. Help, Lord, to whom for 
help I fly ! 

Sunday, December 14th. — -My soul feels somewhat 
encouraged to rely on the Lord our God for strength to 
submit my all to him, and leave my dear companion in 
his hands, to do with him as -seemeth him good, whether 
to call him to a happy eternity, or to foreign lands to 
preach his gospel. O that he may breathe into my soul 
a true spirit of submission, and prepare me to do my 
duty, and suffer all his righteous will here below witn 
patience — my soul longs to drink deep into his Spirit. — 

that I might wear humility as a garment; I would 
mourn before my God, that I live so little to his glory, 
that I improve the time and talents I have so poorly : may 

1 this day make a new covenant with my heart, my eyes, 
my ears, my hands, and all the powers and faculties of 
my soul and body, to be devoted to the service of God, 
and live as one bound to eternity, who must shortly give 
an account; but I am dependant on the God of all grace 
fv>r strength to put any resolution into practice ; O may 
he this day impart grace to my soul, to sink into his will 
in all things. 

Rest for my soul I long to find, 

Saviour of all, if mine thou art, 
Give me thy meek and lowly mind, 

And stamp thine image on my heart. 

Sunday, Dec. 21st.-- Sorrows and trials await my jour- 
ney ; our dear father seems verging to the grave, and poor 
Lorenzo is absent, and perhaps under affliction too ; my 
heart is divided between them 3 and my own trials of 



THE WILDERNESS, 



147 



mind; my heart is rising in rebellion at times, against 
the. (dispensations of Providence, and makes me very- 
unhappy. O may these crosses teach me what they are 
desired for ; the Lord hath said he doth not afflict wil- 
lingly nor grieve the children of men, but to show them 
how ciuch their hearts are attached to the world, and the 
things therein ; may every cross-providence serve to wean 
me fron all I hold dear, and may my Lord have the pre- 
ference to all inferior things. 

Wecnesday, Dec. 24.— I feel like one alone ; what can 
be the:ause of my sinking down under a gloom? all is 
not right within. 

May the spirit of divine truth shine into my soul, and 
teach ne all my duty ; O that it might expel the enemies 
of my &od ; pride, unbelief, jealousy, envy, evil thinking, 
and speaking. I have of late been beset with new trials — 
a desire to gain the applause of men more than the appro- 
bation of my Saviour. I would have it driven from my 
heart, aid in its place a meek and humble frame of mind, 
feeling I have nothing worthy of praise in myself, ab- 
stracted from the grace of God. My soul longs to be 
formed anew, freed from all the evils of nature ; made a 
fit temple for the residence of the spirit of my Master. — 
My dear Lorenzo is absent, I know not where ; the last I 
heard from him, he was in Baltimore, from thence, per- 
haps, he may go to Richmond; his body is feeble, but I 
trust his soul is filled with peace, love, and joy. Would 
to God mf soul could enjoy the same, and be closely united 
with hin, to our precious Redeemer," and whether we 
meet again on the shores of time or not, that I might hail 
him on tie happy confines of eternity, where we shall 
feel no more pain of body nor mind, shall be out of the 
reach of $in and Satan, to meet ail the ship's company, 
who have sailed with the Saviour below. O happy day 
for those who gain the prize, who hold out faithful to the 
end, and ire received into the bosom of their Lord; may 
my soul be quicKened, to run the race with more diligence. 

Sunday. Jan. 11, 1818. — Through the great mercy of a 
kind Providence, I am still an inhabitant of this lower 
world ; but what is in the way before me, I know not ; I 
feel some new desires in my soul, to live to the glory of 
God ; to be freed from in-bred corruptions ; to have strength 



148 



VICISSITUDES IN 



to put my trust in Him, to say, not my will but thine be 
done. My dearest of earthly friends is far distant' from 
me ; and whether I shall ever behold him again, ifi this 
vale of tears, is only known to Him who has ail j>ower 
and goodness in his own hands ; on whom it is our duty 
and privilege to depend for life and death. I feci my - 
heart as it were, borne down under a weight of sorrow— 
the prospect is somewhat beclouded. O may the lender 
hearted Jesus have mercy upon me, the most unwo thy of 
his creatures ; and cleanse my heart from all imiurity ! 
help me to give up my companion with cheerfulness, to 
go and labour in the vineyard of his Lord, and ^*epare 
me to meet him in the blest mansions of peace, w|en all 
our toils are over. 

January 28th. — the need I have of more reliion ;— 
may God help me to lay aside every weight, and the sin 
that doth easily beset me; and may I run with pitience 
the race set before me; the way of danger I amjin, de- 
prived of the privilege, in a great measure of attending 
meeting, and have more of the cares and concerns of the 
world laid upon me, than heretofore, my companion in 
life in a distant land, and the probability that he may 
again try the uncertainty and dangers of the seas.' O that 
God may teach him clearly his duty, and then gife me a 
mind filled and prepared to submit to his will. \ I have 
passed through some sore conflicts, the summer past ; I 
could not account for my feelings, why the Lord was 
suffering the enemy to attack me in such an unaccount- 
able way, was a mystery to me ; but of late I have 
thought it was to show me what was in my heart : 
something I did not know had a place there-fmay the 
Lord who giveth liberally and upbraideth not,! give me 
victory over all and every evil propensity of mf nature ; 
and prepare me to fill the station he has designed me. If 
he should suffer me again to see my dear Lorenzo, may it 
be to our mutual benefit, as it relates to our thristian 
course. 

I feel most earnestly to beseech God to teaca him the 
way of his duty, if he does require him again to cross 
the ocean % may the way open clearly to him, if not, may 
some preventative take place. I know not what is required 
ui him, and I would not stand in the way of his comply- 



THE WILDERNESS. 



140 



ing with duty. I feel somewhat lonely at times, but have 
more resignation for the Lord to do with us as seemeth 
him good, than I have experienced at other times ; may 
the Lord increase the begun work in my soul, until all I 
am is lost in him. 

February 1st, — My life's cleaving to the dust ; Lord 
give me more of divine life. I feel the seeds of mortality 
in my dying body ; O that I might improve more dili- 
gently and carefully my time. 



HERE ENDS HER JOURNAL, 



Dear Lorenzo, 

After an absence of three weeks, which seems long to me, very long> 
I take my pen the second time to converse with hint who is the dear- 
est object below the sun to my heart. 1 have not yet heard from 
you since you crossed the river at MiddJetown — but I hope the Provi- 
dence of God will attend and protect you on your mission, and return 
you to us in safety. 1 would leave all to the disposal of our great 
Master — yet I feel my heart too often holding you tight— may Jesus 
be the greatest and most lovely object in my eye3 ! 1 would have 
Mary's place at his feet, and receive his instructions with submission. 
1 long to live so as to meet his approbation ; and 1 also pray not to 
stand in your way, and prevent your usefulness to souls. My daily 
prayer to God is, that you may be clothed with the true spirit of a 
minister of Christ, and find your labours blessed from ploce to place ! 
You have had great encouragement the summer past; may God 
still be with you, and give you to see more fruit of your labours in 
the south, than you have had in the north ; and may you be encircled 
in the arms of mercy, until you shall be called to receive a rrow r n of 
glory, where sorrow and pain can reach you no more — t hope my 
soul may be prepared to meet you there. Pray much for me, my 
dear Lorenzo, that I may have strength to stand in my lot, and be 
faithful to my God : there is no time to loose ; from me time flies fast 
away, and how soon 1 may be called to give an account, 1 know not 
— 1 would be ready whether it is at midnight, or at the cock's crow- 

My health is remarkably good for me— and my spirits as good and 
better, than for some time past ; — while 1 am writing, I almost fancy 
myself in the company of my Lorenzo. O may our souls meet at 
the throne of grace, and find communion there ! Christiana's health 
is much improved since you leftu3, — the rest of the family are well. 
Dear father is still feeble, but is able to work in his shop considerably ; 
we have not heard from Vermont, since your departure ; there has 
nothing taken place worth mentioning, in a family point of view— 



150 



VICISSITUDES IN 



remember me to all you may meet, with whom 1 have had an ac 
f uaintancc 

Adieu, my ever dear Lorenzo! 

PEGGY DOW. 

November 27th, 1817. 



My very Dear Lorenzo, 

Your letters arrived this day ; which gave me pleasure and pain. 
Real satisfaction to find your health is in some measure restored, and 
that your soul is kept in peace! sweet peace! it is more desirable 
than gold ! yea, than fine gold ! It will support our souls when earthly 
treasures fail. — But I felt somewhat pained to find it confirmed, that 
you have serious intention of again encountering the dangers of the 
seas, and perhaps far greater on the other side— but your letter from 
Baltimore, in a considerable degree prepared my mind for this — I 
could not tell whether your state of health was such, as to give you 
reason to think you should shortly bid adieu to all things below the 
sun : or you should visit foreign lands, 

I have no cause to think you forget your poor Peggy— but 1 
believe you have a work to do; and 1 also remember the contract, as 
well as you. I do not feel in my heart, to hold you back from doing 
your duty, if 1 could. It would be truly a comfort to me to have 
your company— the greatest of an earthly nature ; but not at the 
expense of your peace of mind. ***** 

******** 
Our dear father has been very unwell — but is better: he does not 
forget you. It appears to be a great comfort to him, that you are in 
a good cause, pursuing the road to peace and happiness he often 
says he should be glad to see you, but has this consolation : if you 
are called from the stage of action, he has reason to hope your toils 
and troubles will be at an end. The family are well* Christiana has 
got her health tolerable again — ray health is as good, or better, than 
when you left us. 

1 strive to leave all to the disposal of the Master; .praying that 
peace and prosperity may attend you, whether on the briny deep, or 
in foreign lands ; for he is a sure tower to all that put their tru«t in 
him. My soul's desire and prayer to God is, that I may be a living 
witness for him, in life and death. 

This is the first day of another year ; but what will take place 
before the close with us r is only known to Him who has the issues of 
life and death — may he direct our steps; and if either of us, or any 
of the family shall be called to quit this mortal life, may we close the 
same in peace. Adieu, my Lorenzo, 

I hope to meet you there, if no more here. 

PEGGY DOW. 

January 1st, 1818, 



THE WILDERNESS, 



151 



Picas Lorenzo, 

1 take my pen again to converse with you, this being the only 
way we communicate our thoughts to each other, when separated by 
rivers and mountains ; and I esteem it a precious privilege. 1 have 
much cause to adore the beneficent hand of Providence for his mercy 
to us-ward, although we have our trials, — yet he mixes mercy with 
them. He haa of late given me some tokens for good,— my heart 
has been enabled to rejoice in his love, in a considerable degree. — 
At a meeting a few nights ago, when Methodists and Presbyterians 
were united, and there was an union in my heart to all the dear 
children of my Master, 1 have felt more strength to say in my heart, 
"the will of the Lord be done." I think yesterday, my desire to 
God was if it would be more for his glory, for you to return in a few 
weeks, you might, if not, so let it be — GO, MY LORENZO, THE 
WAV YOU ARE ASSURED THE LORD CALLS; and if we 
meet no more in this vale of tears, may God prepare us to meet in 
the realms of peace, to range the blest fields on the banks of the river, 
and sing hallelujah, for ever and ever. 1 am very sure if I reach 
safe the destined port, 1 shall have cause to sing. 1 trust the Lord 
who has called you to leave all, will give you a rich reward : in 
this world, precious souls, and in the world to come, a crown of glory. 
1 have sean brother Tarbox since hia return — nothing has taken 
place new. You have been accustomed to similar treatment — may 
you have patience and true philanthrophy of heart, — that is most 
desirable. You cannot conclude, I think, from what i have written, 
that I would not rejoice to see you return, if it would be consistent 
with the will of God; but 1 would desire, above all things not to be 
found fighting against him. Your father and myself are as well as 
we may expect, considering our infirmities. My health has been 
better than when you left me, for some past. * * * 

•' * My dear Lorenzo. 1 bid adieu onee more ; may 
the Lord return you to your poor Peggy again. 1 have written five 
times before-tfcis, ; PEGGY DOW 

January 22d, 18^ 



Returned to my Peggy, about 3d March, at my father's, iri Hebron, 
Connecticut, and parted about 5th May, for Europe; and sailed from 
New York on the 20th, in the shir. Alexander Mansfield, for Liver- 
pool where 1 arrived about the 18th of June, ar.c in a few weeks 
hope to receive letters from her. 

LORENZO DOW, 

Liverpool, July 27th, 1818, 



12 



'AN ACCOUNT 
Of the closing Scenes in the Life of PEGGY DOW, 



BY LORENZO DOW, 



After my return from Virginia a few weeks, leaving 
her with my father, we parted, and I sailed for England, 
May 20th, and arrived there about the 20th of June, 1818. 

Whilst travelling in that country, many persons in dif- 
ferent parts, who were strangers to me, remarked that 
they thought from their feelings, that my Peggy would 
he gone off from the stage of action, so that I would see 
her no more, unless I returned to America soon ! 

Their feelings were so consonant to my own anticipa- 
tions, that it caused my return a year sooner than was 
contemplated when we parted. 

Arrived back to America in June, 1819, after an absence 
of about thirteen months. 

She had attended a writing school in my absence, in 
February; and getting wet and ckilled, took cold— and 
hence a cough and tightness across the chest, and thence 
a decline ensued. 

However, the subject was not viewed as serious at the 
first, as the sequel afterwards proved to be, 

She travelled with me some distance to various meet- 
ings ; and when we were at Providence* in Rhode Island, 
I found her in a room weeping— on enquiring the cause, 
she, after some hesitation, replied, " The consumption is 
a flattering disease !-^-but I shall return back to Hebron, 
and tell Father Dow that I have come back to die with 
him!" 

After my return from Europe, she requested me not to 



THE WILDERNESS. 153 



leave her, till she had got better or worse — which request 
she had never made'at any time, under any circumstances 
in former years whatever. 

We returned in September. She remarked that she 
felt more comfort in Divine enjoyment than she express- 
ed to others — and that her " death might be sanctified 
to some." 

We never parted but twice after my return from 
Europe — once for a night, and once on business to Bos- 
ton of about five days. 

She continued growing more and more feeble, until in 
December, when she asked if I thought her dissolution 
was near? The reply to whichj was an opinion, that 
she would continue until spring, if not longer. 

She replied that she thought so too ; but the night fol- 
lowing, she awoke me up, and enquired the time of the 
month 1 — and being informed, she said that she thought 
she was bounded in all by the month of January. 

Counted every day until the year expired, and then 
almost every hour, until the morning of the fifth, when 
she asked me if I had been to bespeak a Coffin for her ? 
But was answered in the negative; — when in the evening, 
she enquired if I had been to call in the neighbours ? I 
answered, No! But brother and sister Page came in and 
spent the night, which seemed refreshing' to her ; and 
with whom we had spent many happy hours in days that 
were gone by ! 

About two o'clock at night, she requested me to call up 
the family, which being done ; she soon began to fail 
very fast. 

Being asked if she felt any pain ? She answered 
in the negative — and that but one thing attracted her 
here below— pointing her linger towards me as supported 
in my arms. When I replied, Lord, Thou gavest her to 
me ! I have held her only as a lent favour for fifteen 
years! and now I resign her back to Thee, until we meet 
again beyond the swelling flood ! She replied with a 
hearty " Amen," and soon expired, as the going out of a 
snurTof a candle, without a struggle, contraction or groan! 

In the course of conversation the last night— her views 
and attachments to the things of time and eternity- 
she replied that she felt no condemnation, and that but 



154 



VICISSITUDES IN 



one thing attracted her here below, that was hard to give 
up ; but that she felt willing to resign herself into the 
hands of the Great and Wise Disposer, for the things of 
eternity were far more desirable than the things of time ; 
for her better prospects were beyond this life, and there 
appeared to be a calm and sweet submission ! 

By my request, she was dressed and laid out in her 
best plain, neat meeting dress, with woollen blankets, 
instead of shrouded sheets. Her grave was about three 
feet below the common depth— her funeral was attended 
by a large concourse of people — the sermon was delivered 
by Daniel Burrows, a particular friend, who had visited 
her frequently in her last sickness. 

Many had said L. D. was eccentric, and that it was 
now exemplified ! But such, still admitted that the dress 
became impressive on the occasion; and also the colour 
of the coffin too. It was a solemn, serious and impressive 
time ! 

Woollen does not rot like some other things I — and the 
sacred dust, I wished to repose (undisturbed in ages to 
come, by future moving of the earth for the dead,) until 
" The Trump of God shall sound !" 

What God said to Ezekiel, " Behold I take away the 
desire of thine eyes with a stroke." January 6th, 1820, 
were exemplified, as with a sword through my soul ; for 
the impression of the words, were as a dispensation of 
preparation, some few years antecedent to the time. 

This is a subject that may be felt, but cannot be de- 
scribed ! Those who have drank the cup, know the lan- 
guage — to others, it is but a dream ! 

She possessed exquisite feelings of sensibility, but there 
was affection and condescension. Hence the sequel upon 
the Journey of Life, as agreeable consequences for peace in 
a married state ! But where there is a want of Love, affec- 
tion, and an attachment, there is a cause of misery, mis- 
chief and unhappiness of many families ! 

Love and affection cannot be bought ; they are above 
rubies— yea., beyond all price, when applied to the mar- 
. ried state! 

The following was put upon her tomb stone, in the 
Methodist Burying Ground, in Hebron, Connecticut, ten 
years after : — 



THE WILDERNESS. 165 



" PEGGY DOW 
Shared the Vicissitudes? of Lorenzo 
fifteen years, 
And died January 6th, 1820, 
aged 39." 

Seventeen years before this, I lost my Mother, and two 
years and eight months after the decease of Peggy, my 
Father died. Six of us children are still living ; and out 
of 28 grand-children, 16 are still on mortal shore ! 

It is now March, 1833, which brings me to the age of 
55 years and five months ; and 40 years and 4 months of 
my religious pilgrimage ; and 37 years in the 'public field 
of battle, wandering through the world ! 

My Peggy is gone to meet our Infant in yonder world, 
where I trust to meet them both by and bye — which is a 
sweet and pleasing thought to me ! L. D. 



12* 



TO THE YOUNG READER. 



There is not any subject that can engage your atten- 
tion of more importance than Marriage, except the sal- 
vation of the soul. Your peace for time depends upon it, 
and, in a great measure, your eternity is connected with 
it ; though it be treated as a novel in a romantic way, and 
even most young people cannot hear the word " Matri- 
mony" mentioned, without exhibiting levity in their coun- 
tenances, which shows how little they realize the subject, 
and in what a trifling manner they view it. If a man 
have a farm, and don't like it, he can sell it, and procure 
another ; if he have a house, and don't like it, he can pull 
it down, and build another. But this is for life ! It is 
indeed one of the most important concerns of life. Hence, 
act honorably, and discreetly, in the fear of God ; and 
take him for your counsellor, that you may enjoy his fa- 
vour, and thereby secure his protection. 

LORENZO DOW. 



REFLECTIONS 

ON 

MATRIMONY. 



TWELTK EDITION, WITH ADDITIONS. 



Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled* 
But Whoremongers and Adulterers God will judge. 

Heo. xiii. 4. 



Various are the opinions with regard to the subject 
before us. Some people tell us it is not lawful for men 
and women to marry, and argue thus to prove it : " It is 
living after the flesh ; they that live after the flesh shall 
die, (by which is meant separation from God,) therefore 
they who live together as husband and wife shall die." — 
Now the premises being wrong, the conclusion is wrong 
of necessity ; for living together as husband and wife is 
not living after the flesh, but after God's ordinance: as is 
evident from Matt. xix. 4, 5, 6. — " And he answered, 
and said unto them have ye not read that he which 
made them at the beginning made them male and 
female, and said, for this cause shall a man leave 
father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife j and 
they twain shall be one flesh ? wherefore, they 
are no more twain, but one flesh. what, therefore, 
God, hath joined together, let no man put asunder." 
In these words Christ, our gveat lawgiver, refers to 
Gen. ii. 24 ; which at once proves, that the paradisiacal 
institution is not abrogated. From the beginning of the 
world until the words of the text were written, people 
lived together as husband and wife, and had divine appro- 
bation in so doing : as is easily proved from the word of 



158 



REFLECTIONS ON 



God. Some people have an idea we cannot be as help 
in a married as in a single state. But hark I Enoch 
walked with God after he begat Methuselah, three hun- 
dred years, and begat sons and daughters * Gen. v. 22* 
Heb. xi. 5. Now if Enoch under that dark dispensation 
could serve God in a married state, and be fitYor transla- 
tion from earth to heaven, why not another person be 
equally pious, and be filled with "righteousness, and 
peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost" under the Gospel dis- 
pensation ? according to Rom. xiv. 17. But admitting it 
is right for common peeple to marry, — Is it right for the 
clergy to marry ? Answer — I *know that too many think 
it is not, and are ready to conclude, that whenever " a 
preacher marries, he is backslidden from God:" hence 
the many arguments made use of by some to prevent it. 
When I hear persons who are married trying to dissuade 
others from marrying, I infer one of two things : that 
they are either unhappy in their marriage, else they 
enjoy a blessing which tney do not wish others to partake 
of. The church of RonfiThave an idea that the Pope is 
St. Peter's successor, and that the clergy ought not to 
marry. But I would ask, if it was lawful for St. Peter 
to have a wife, why not lawful for another priest or 
preacher to have one? But have we any proof that 
Peter had a wife? In Matt. viii. and 14. we read as fol- 
lows : " And when Jesus was come into Peter's house y 
he saw his wife** mother laid, and sick of a fever." Now, 
how could Peter's wife's mother be sick of a fever, pro- 
vided he had no wife ? and a3 we have no account that 
Christ parteo Peter and his wife, I infer that he lived 
with her after his call to the apostleship, according to 
Rom. vii. 2. for " the woman which hath an husband is 



* Whoevor will reflect, 1. on the command in Paradise; 2. the 
promise* in the ten commandments ; 3. that Samuel was the answer 
of prayer, and proved a blessing to society ; 4. that although all per- 
sons by nature nave an equal chance, yet the influence of example 
is to be taken into account ; 5. the blessings that God may bestow as 
a treasure from his goodness, in answer to sincere obedience and 
prayer; and, 6. the honour of being born of truly pious parents is 
matter ot joy and gratitude ; for who are, or can be fitter instruments 
t* add to the number of the heavenly host? 



MATRIMONY. 



159 



bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth;" 
now if Peter's wife was * bound" to him, how could he 
go off and leave her, as some people think he did 1 The 
words of the text are, " marriage is honourable in all." — 
But how could it be honourable in all, if it were dis- 
honourable in the priestly order? For they forming a 
part, of course are included in the word A double L. In 
the first epistle written by St. Paul to Timothy, (iv.) we 
read thus : " Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in 
the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving 
heed to seducing spirits and doctrines of devils ; speaking 
lies in hypocrisy ; having their conscience seared with a 



-stain from meats, which God hath created to be received 
with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the 
truth." Observe, forbidding to marry is a doctrine of 
devils, therefore not of divine origin ; of course not to be 
oheyed, for we are under no obligation to obey the devils ; 
but in opposition to them, to enjoy all the benefits of 
divine institutions. Marriage is a divine institution, 
therefore the benefits of matrimony may be enjoyed by 
them that believe and know the truth. Having briefly, but 
fully shown, that matrimony is lawful, I shall proceed to 
elucidate the words of my text, or motto. In doing which, 
I shall, 

First, Show what matrimony is not 
Secondly, What it is. 

Thirdly, Point out some of the causes of unhappy 
marriages, and conclude with a few words of advice. 

Resuming the order proposed, I come in the first place 
to show what matrimony is not 

1st Two persons of the same gender dressed in the 
garb of the sexes, deceive a magistrate or minister, and 
have the ceremony performed, which is no marriage, but 
downright wickedness, which some have audaciously 
been gwilty of, 

2d. There are certain beings in the world in human 
shape, and dress in the garb of one of the sexes, but at 
the same time are not properly masculine nor feminine ; 
of course not marriageable. They enter into matrimonial 
engagements with persons of one of the sexes, and the 
formal ceremony is performed; this is not matrimony, 




commanding to ab 



160 



REFLECTIONS ON 



but an imposition ; forasmuch as the design of matrimony 
cannot be answered thereby. 

3d. Sometimes a banditti catch two persons and com- 
pel them ceremonially to marry at the point of the sword ? 
to save their lives ; but this is not matrimony : for it is 
neither sanctioned by laws divine or human ; neither are 
they obligated by such laws to live together. 

4th. Some men have a plurality of women, but they 
cannot be married to them all ; if the first marriage was 
lawful, the other are not, " for two," saith he, (not three) 
" shall be one fiesh;" moreover, when two persons enter 
into marriage, they promise to forsake all others, and be 
true to each other while thay both shall live ; therefore 
are not at liberty to have any thing to do with other per- 
sons. 

5th. Sometimes persons who are married without just 
cause, leave their companion, take up with another per- 
son, and live with him or her : this is not matrimony, but 
adultery ; and all such persons may expect to meet with 
God's disapprobation in eternity; "for such shall not 
inherit the kingdom of God." 
* 6th. Two- persons living together as husband and wife, 

and yet feeling at liberty to forsake the present, and em- 
brace another object at pleasure — this is not matrimony, 
but whoredom : and " whoremongers and adulterers God 
will judge. 5 ' Yet we may here observe: in many parts 
of the world, the political state of affairs is such, that 
two persons may live together by mutual eonsent as hus- 
band and wife, where there is no formal ceremony per- 
formed, and yet be justified before God : which was the 
case v> ith the Jews, (instance also if some were cast 
atway upon an island ;) but this is not the case in Ame- 
rica, except among the coloured people, ©r heathen tribes, 
as will be more fully shown under the next head — in 
which I am to show, 

Secondly, What matrimony is. 

Some people believe in a decree, (commonly called a 
lottery,) viz. That God has determined in all cases, that 
particular men and women should be married to each 
other; and that it is impossible they should marry an f 
other person. But I say, hush! for if that be the case,, 
then God appoints all matches ; but I believe the devil 



MATRIMONY. 



161 



appoints a great many ; for if Gcd did it, then it would 
be done in wisdom, and of course it would be done right; 
if so, there would not be so many unhappy marriages in 
the world as what there are. If one man steals or runs 
away with another man's wife, goes into a strange coun- 
try, and there marries her, did God decree that ? What 
made God Almighty so angry with the Jews for marrying 
into heathen families ; and why did the prophet Nehe- 
miah contend with them, -curse them, pluck off their hair ? 
and make them swear that they would not give their 
daughters to the Ammonites, etc. as we read in the 13th 
chapter of jVehemiah, if God appointed such matches ? 
Again, why did John the Baptist exclaim so heavily 
against Herod, for having his brother Philip's wife ? If 
it was necessary, he could not help it; therefore John 
talked very foolishly when he said it was not lawful, for 
that was to say it was not lawful to do what God had 
decreed should be done. Notwithstanding I do not believe 
in lottery, (so called,) yet I believe* that persons who are 
under the influence of divine grace, may have a guide to 
direct them to a person suitable to make them a com- 
panion, with whom they may live agreeably : but this 
can only be done by having pure intentions, paying parti- 
cular attention to the influence of the Divine Spirit within 
and the opening of Providence without ; being careful 
not to run so fast as to outrun your guide, nor yet to move 
so slow as to lose sight thereof. 

But to return:— Marriage consists in agreements of par- 
ties, in union of heart, and a promise of fidelity to each 
other before God; " forasmuch as he looketh at the heart, 
and judgeth according to intention." — 1 Sam. xvi. 7. As 
there is such a thing as for persons morally to commit 
adultery in the sight of God, who never actually did so, 
Matt, v. 28, so persons may be married in his sight, who 



* I aprrehend that every person who is marriageable, and whose 
duty it is to marry — there is a particular object they ought to have ; 
— but 1 believe it possible for them to miss that object, and be connect- 
ed with one that is improper for them — one cause of so many unhappy 
families, f^r There is a providence attending virtue, and a curs^ 
attending vice ! 



162 



REFLECTIONS ON 



never had the formal ceremony performed. Observe, 
marriage is a divine institution } was ordained by God in 
the time of man's innocency, and sanctioned by Jesus 
Christ under the gospel ; he graced a marriage feast in 
Cana of Galilee, where he turned water into wine, John 
ii. L Now, that marriage consists not barely in the out- 
ward ceremony is evident 5 for this may be performed on 
two persons of either sex, and yet no marriage y for the 
benefits resulting from marriage, cannot be enjoyed 
through such a medium. If matrimony is the formal 
sentence, who married Adam and Eve 7 and what was 
the ceremony by which they were constituted husband 
and wife? But if Adam ana 1 Eve were married without 
a formal ceremony, then something else is matrimony in 
the sight of God : of course, it must be an agreement of 
parties as above. Yet it is necessary to attend to the 
laws of our country, and have a formal ceremony per- 
formed, Jtf- which' is the EVIDENCE of MATRI- 
MONY ! ! For we are commanded to " be subject to 
every ordinance of man, for the Lord's sake," 1 Peter ii. 
13. St. Paul saith — " Let every soul be subject unto the 
higher powers, for there is no power but of God - 7 the 
powers that be, are ordained by God. Whosoever, there- 
fore, resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God : 
and they that resist shall receive to themselves damna- 
tion," Rom. xiii. 1, 2. Moreover, without this outward 
evidence it cannot be known who are married and who 
are not; so that men could leave their wives and children 
to suffer; deny they ever engaged to live with such 
women, and having no proof thereof, they could not be 
compelled by any law to provide for such women and 
children. Once more, unless the law is complied with, 
the woman cannot be considered as his lawful wife, (for 
what makes her his lawful wife, is compliance with the 
law,) of course the children are not lawful ; then it fol- 
lows they are adulterers and adulteresses ; else fornicators 
and fornicatresses ; their children are illegitimate 5 and 
after the death of the man, the woman and children can- 
not heir his estate, if he dies without a will.* 



* A Lawyer attempted to disinherit some quaker ehildreu, pleading 
that they were illegitimate, because their parents were net married 



MATRIMONY. 



163 



Question, If two persons contract for marriage, and 
have pledged their fidelity to each other before God, are 
they justifiable in breaking that marriage contract? 

Answer. If one has acted the part of an impostor, 
told lies, and deceived the other, this is not marriage, but 
an imposition 5 of course the person so imposed on is 
justifiable in rejecting such deceive* ! But if they both 
make statements in truth, are acquainted with each 
other's character, dispositions, practices, and principles, 
and then, being in possession of such information, volun- 
tarily engage before God to live together as man and 
wife, unless something wicked, more than was or could 
be reasonably expected, transpires relative to one or the 



who breaks such contract cannot be justifiable before 
God ! For I think I have clearly proved such contract 
to be marriage in his sight; and Christ saith, "whoso- 
ever shall put away his wife except it be for fornication, 
and shall marry another, committeth adultery j* and 



by a priest. The question arose from his competitor. From whom 
or from whence, did the clergy derive their authority to give indulg- 
ence of marriage to some, and withhold it from others? The judge 
replied, the doctrine proves too much, — it proves that we are all 
illegitimate ; for I recollect reading of a marriage in Paradise, and 
no priest there to celebrate it ! Hence it became a national question, 
and part of the civil code, instead of pure ecclesiastical. There 
never was a spiritual court in the United fetates, nor any Bucelebag- 
gars, under the Popish idea of " order and succession." Here a 
question will arise, with regard to the policy or justice of a man's 
keeping a woman, who was virtuous when he took her, and she 
remains strictly true to him; and, after having retained her in keep* 
ing.a number of years, she also having had children by him, he is 
Still at liberty to fling her oft', and bastardize their offspring ! In 
Spanish Florida, if a man and woman live together ten days, as 
husband and wife, — if he die, she will be allowed to claim her part, 
(i. e. a wife's part,) of his property. 

* Now, it appears furthermore, that the Jew3 considered a mutual 
contract as above — Marriages are sacred ; as is evident from Deut. 
xxii. 22. 28. "If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto a hus- 
band, and a man find her in a city, and lie with her, then ye shall 
bring them both out into the gate of that city ; and ye shall stone 
them with stones that 'they die; the dam?el because she cried not, 
being in the city, and the man because he humbled his neighbour's 



other of the two persons 




13 



164 



REFLECTIONS ON 



who so inarrieth her which is put away ("for fornica- 
tion,") doth commit adultery," Matt. xix. 9. From this 
passage it is evident, that for the cause of fornication, a 
man may put away his wife, marry another, and yet be 
justifiable in the eye of the divine law. Moreover, if a 
man puts away his wife for any other cause save fornica- 
tion, &c. and utterly refuse th to live with her, she is at 
liberty to marry, but he is not. This I think is what St 
Paul meaneth in 1 Cor. vii. 15. " but if the unbelieving de- 
part let him depart ; a brother or sister is not under bond- 
age in such cases," i. e. they are free from the law, for 
that is what they were bound by ; of course, at liberty to 
marry again, for the innocent are not to suffer, for the 
guilty. Admitting the above to be correct, how many 
such adulterers and adultresses there are in the world 2— - 
And what a dreadful account will thousands have to give 
in the day of eternity, for the violation of their most sa- 
cred promises ! ! But one is ready to say, I was not sin- 
cere when I made those promises. Then you dissembled 
to deceive, and told lies* to ensnare the innocent; like 



wife." Now, observe, the woman is styled a virgin, and yet a man's 
wife, because she was betrothed ; that is, engaged to him by solemn 
contract. Take notice, the punishment inflicted on such as broke 
their marriage contract was death — whereas there was no such 
punishment inflicted on those who were not betrothed ; as you may 
read in the same chapter, verse 28, 29. Why this difference in their 
punishment? Answer. Because the crime was aggravated by the 
violation of the marriage contract. God is the same in justice now, 
that he was then ; and crimes are not less under the gospel than they 
were under the law. 14 Let them that read understand. " 

In the gospel as recorded by St. Matthew, this is farther verified, 
Matt. i. 18, 19, 20, as exemplified in Mary the mother of Christ, and 
Joseph ; for before they came together she is styled his wife, and he 
her husband. fjp This is the truth, and you cannot deny it. Strange 
to think what numbers in the world for the sake of human fiesh and 
a little of this perishable world's goods, will persuade their friends or 
children to sin against God by breaking their marriage contract ! — 
The Devil can but tempt, but mortal man compel ! ! 1 am here 
speaking of contracts where there is no lawful objection. 

* A man, (i do not say a gentleman,) in the West, sought the de- 
traction of an innocent —— and to accomplish hm designs, "wish- 
ed that heaven might', never receive his sou) nor the earth his body, if 



MATRIMONY. 



165 



the devil when he transforms himself into an angel of 
light, and the greater shall be your damnation. "For all 
liars shall have their portion in the lake that burns with 
fire and brimstone, 57 Rev. xxi. 8. Many men will work 
an hundred schemes and tell ten thousand lies to effect 
the most devilish purposes, and after their ends are an- 
swered, turn with disdain from the person deceived by 
them, and make themselves merry to think how they 
swept the pit of hell to accomplish their design. " But 
whoremongers and adulterers God will judge which 
brings me to the last thing proposed. In which I am, 

Thirdly, To point out some of the causes of unhappy 
marriages. 

Here I would observe, that Divine Wisdom hath 
ordained marriage for several important ends. 1st. For 
the mutual happiness of the sexes in their journey through 
life, and as a comfort and support to each other. 2d. That 
souls may be propagated agreeably to the divine will, 
capable of glorifying and enjoying him for ever. 3d. 
As the man without the woman, or the woman without 
the man, is not in a capacity to provide for a family, 
Divine Wisdom hath wisely ordained their mutual aid, 
in providing for, instructing, and protecting offspring ; as 
guardian angels who must give account. Beside the rea- 
son assigned by St. Paul, 1 Cor. vii. But to return, I 
would observe, 1st. Too many marry from lucrative 
views ; their object is not to get a suitable companion, 
who will sweeten all the ills of life, but to get a large 
fortune, so that their time may be spent in idleness and 
luxury ; that they may make a grand appearance in the 
world, supposing that property will make them honoura- 
ble. This being the leading motive, they direct their 
attention to an object, which, if it was not for property, 
would perhaps be looked upon by them with contempt ; 
and profess the greatest regard for the person, while the 
property is the object of their affections. Perhaps the 
person is old ; the ideas are — " This old man or woman 



he did not perform his contract," — and afterwards boasted of his 
worse than diabolical act ; but God took him at his word— for he wa* 
ehot by an Indian, and rotted above gruund! 



166 REFLECTIONS ON 

cannot live long ; then all will be mine, and I shall be m 
such circumstances that I can marry to great advantage 
forgetting there are other people in the world just of their 
own opinion 1 The contract is made, the sham marriage 
is performed, there is a union of hand but not of heart, 
in consequence of which they are not happy together. — - 
The deceived, on finding out the deception, wishes a 
reversion in vain, which the other must sensibly feel ; for 
sin hath its own punishment entailed to it ; therefore the 
curse of God follows such impure intentions. I appeal 
to those who have married from these incentives, whether 
these things are not so! — 2d, Some people take fancy for 
love ; they behold a person whom they would almost take 
lobe an angel in human shape, (but all is not gold that 
glitters,) and through the medium of the eye become 
enamoured ; and rest not until the object of their fancy is 
won. Beauty being but skin deep, sickness or age soon 
makes the rose to wither ; they are then as much disap- 
pointed as the miser who thought he had ten thousand 
guineas all in gold, but after counting them over every 
day for twelve months, the gilt wore oif, by which means 
he discovered his gold was only tarnished copper; of 
trourse lost its value in his estimation. So when beauty 
fades, the foundation of happiness being gone, and seeing 
nothing attracting to remain, it is not uncommon for an 
object more beautiful to be sought. 3d. There is such a 
thing as for persons to marry for love, and yet be un-. 
happy! Did I say marry for love ? Yes — but not their 
own love ; only the love of their parents or friends. For 
instance, two persons of suitable age, character, disposi- 
tion, &e. form attachments of the strongest nature, are 
actuated by pure motives, are united in heart, and enter 
into the most solemn engagements to live together during 
life ;* the parents being asked ? utterly refuse to give their 
daughter, without any sufficient reason for such refusal. 
In the next place, they strive to break the marriage con- 
tract, as made by the two young people. Perhaps the 



* Some people say the bargain should be conditional, thua-r "If my 
parents love you well enough, 1 will have you," This just proves 
the point in hand s that they must marry for the parents' love 
not their own* 



MATRIMONY. 



16? 



man has not property enough to please them, for worth is 
generally (though improperly) estimated by the quantity 
of property a person possesses, instead of a character, hi* 
principles, his practices, &c. In order to effect their 
wishes every measure they can invent is pushed into 
operation, (and it is frequently the case that family con- 
nexions, and even strangers interfere, who have no busi- 
ness so to do ; but fools will be meddling ;) to change 
the woman's minaV and make bad impressions on the 
same with respect to the object of her affections; they 
strive by placing their diabolical optic to her eye to make 
her view every thing in the worst light they possibly 
can ; promise great things if she break it off: "all these 
things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and wor- 
ship me," (said the devil once ;) threaten to place the 
black seal of reprobation upon her if she fulfils her en- 
gagements. Here the mind becomes as a "troubled sea 
which cannot rest;" She is at a Joss to know what is 
duty— she loves her parents, also the man to whom her 
heart has been united — her affections are placed, her 
honour is pledged— she spends restless nights and mourn- 
ful days to know how to decide! — critical but important 
period ! Her present, and perhaps her eternal peace 
depends upon the decision ! After many struggles with 
her own conscience, at length through powerful persua- 
sion she yields to the wishes of others — betrays her trust, 
breaks her marriage contract, deserts her best friend, and 
pierces herself through with many sorrows.* Does this 
decision give peace of mind ? By no means ! She is 
pained at the very heart, and flies to some secret place 
to give vent to the sorrow she feels. Follow her to the 
lonely apartment — behold her there as pale as death — 
her cheeks bedewed with tears! What mean those heavy 



* If the woman ia under age, she may perhaps be justifiable on 
thataccouut; but if she is of age it argues imbecility; for she has 
as much right to act for herself, as her parents have to act for 
themselves; oi course should have a judgment and soul of her 
own! if the fault is altogether in herself, she proves at once she 
is not to be confided in : and 1 would pronounce that man blessed 
who has escaped a woman of so mean a principle— for such a thing 
has scarcely been known am^ng heathens. 

' .13* 



168 



REFLECTIONS ON 



groans ? What mean those heart-breaking sighs ? What 
mean those floods of briny tears poured forth so free, as 
if without consent ? She was torn from the object et all 
her earthly joy ! The ways of God " are pleasantness, 
and all his paths are peace," but she finds nothing save 
sorrow in the way and path which she has taken— there- 
fore she is not in the way which she ought to have went* 
Another man pays his addresses to her ; by no means 
calculated to make her a suitable companion — but he has 
large possessions ; and this being the object her parents 
and friends have in view they do and say all they can to 
get her consentable. But parents should remember, that 
they can no more love for their children, than they can 
eat and drink for them. Through their intreaties she is 
prevailed on to give him her hand, while her affections 
are placed on another. Thus she marries for the love of 
her parents — and goes with a heavy heart to the marriage 
bed. They have laid a foundation to make her unhappy 
while she lives ; and may I not say, more than probable, 
to procure her future misery ! For how can she be happy 
with a man whom she does not love ! " How can two 
walk together except they be agreed?" Where there is 
no agreement there can be no union, and where there is 
no union, there can be no happiness. As the parents are 
not so immediately concerned therein as the child, they 
act very improperly in over-persuading their child to 
marry. For if she is unhappy in such marriage, she will 
have cause to reflect on them, and place her misery to 
their account ; while she waits for the hour to come to 
end her existence, and terminate the misery which she 
feels ! Marriage was intended for the mutual happiness 
of the sexes — for the woman was given to the man to be 
" an help meet for him," Gen. ii. 18. Marriage is an 
emblem of that union which subsists between Christ and 
his Church, Eph. v. 32. Solomon saith, " Whoso findeth 
a wife, findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the 
Lord," — Prov. viii. 22. Again, " a prudent wife is from 
the Lord." — Prov. xix. 14. 1 therefore conclude that a 
happy marriage is the greatest blessing and consolation 
which can be enjoyed on this side of eternity, next to the 
love of God in the soul. Of course an unhappy marriage 
is the greatest curse which is endured on this side of hell 5 



MATRIMONY. 



169 



next to the horrors of a guilty conscience. Quitting ihk 9 
I pass on to observe, that many make themselves unhappy 
after marriage. I shall 1st. Notice some things in the 
conduct of men. 2dly, In the conduct of women. 3dly ? 
Point out some complex cases, 1st, It frequently happens 
that wicked men pay their addresses to religious women; 
and in order to accomplish their desire, pretend to have a 
great regard for piety, promise to do all in their power 
to assist them on their way to heaven, and call God to 
bear witness to a lie that they will be no hindrance to 
them, &c. and many go so far as to put on the outward 
garb of religion that they may more easily betray with a 
kiss ! But shortly after marriage the wolf sheds his coat ? 
and openly avows his dislike to the ways of godliness^ 
and either directly or indirectly declares that his wife 
shall not enjoy the privileges of the gospel. Here the 
wife is convinced of the insincerity of his promise, which 
makes her doubt the sincerity of his affection for her; the 
house becomes divided, and the foundation of their future 
misery is laid ; and it will be a mercy of God, if tbey are 
not a means of peopling the regions of the damned, and 
at last go down to the chambers of death together. 2dly ? 
Some men pretend to respect their wives— the wife looks 
up to her husband as her head for protection, and, as a 
reasonable woman, expects him to redress her grievances. 
But alas : how is she disappointed ! For he approbates 
that in others which he could prevent without any loss 
of property, or character : and appears to delight in her 
misery. Instance those who have religious wives, and 
suffer drinking, swearing, frolicking, gambling, &c. about 
their houses. Is it not natural for such women to con- 
clude their husbands have a greater regard for such wicked 
beings than themselves ? If so, how can my husband 
have that regard for me which he ought to have ? And 
what becomes of that scripture which saith, " so ought 
men to love their wives as their own bodies: he that 
loveth his wife loveth himself." — Eph. v. 28. Again, 
Col. iii. 19. "Husbands love your wives, and be not 
bitter against them." 3dly, A great many men stay away 
from home unnecessarily, spend their time in drinking, 
&c. expending their money in the taverns, which ought 
to go to the support of their families, while their wives 



170 REFLECTIONS ON 



have not the necessaries of life, and are labouring night 
and day to keep their children from starving. Thus many- 
families are brought to disgrace and misery by the wick- 
edness of husbands. But one is ready to say, I provide 
well for my family ; and am I not at liberty to go and 
come when I please ? Yes, as far as is expedient, but no 
farther, if you do not wish to forfeit your wife's confi- 
dence. I ask, what must be the feelings of a woman 
left in such a case, when she knows her husband has no 
lawful business to detain him from home? What con- 
clusion can she more rationally draw than this : My com- 
pany is disagreeable to him 5 therefore he is determined to 
have as little of it as possible. The society of others is 
more pleasing to him than that of his family ; therefore 
he seeks pleasure abroad ?" Here grounds are given for 
her to suspect his virtue ; and it is very common for 
women to think such men have their misses from home, 
which is too often the case. Reflect for a moment what 
must be the sensations of a delicate woman, to hear that 
her bosom friend lies intoxicated among the swine in 
the streets. 1 am certain from observation that no woman 
can be happy with a drunken man; therefore I am bold to 
say wherever you see such a thing, you see an unhappy 
family- — and except such persons repent and get forgive- 
ness, they will assuredly be damned, however rich,, hon- 
ourable, and wise they may be. For St. Paul ranks 
drunkenness among the works of the flesh, and positively 
declares, " they who do such things shall not inherit the 
kingdom of God," Gal. v. Therefore I would advise all 
young ladies, if they wish to be happy in time or eter- 
nity, to avoid such young men as hanker about the 
taverns, and have not respect enough for their own cha- 
racters to raise them above a level with the beasts ! — 
For beasts do not get drunk. They who get drunk 
when young, are apt to be sots when old. Moreover, 
a great many sins flow from that of drunkenness, a 
few of which I shall here mention, 1st, It brings 
on disorders to their destruction, which, 2nd, prevents 
their usefulness as worthy members in society. 3d, 
Shortens their days, which is a species of murder, the 
most heinous of all crimes. 4th, A bad example before 
others. 6th, Procures a family scandal 6th, His money 



MATRIMONY. 



171 



is laid out for that which is worse than if thrown into 
the fire ; which, 7th, Prevents his usefulness as a charit- 
able man. 8th, Is a breach of God's law. 9th, Quenches 
the Divine Spirit. 10th 7 Eocposes his family to wanu— 
11th, Liable to bring a burthen on the country, 12th, 
Deprives him of the power of reason ; which, 13th y 
Makes him liable to injure his friends sml commit every 
horrid depredation, And such men as will get drank and 
then abuse their wives, do not deserve the name of men, 
for they have not the principle of men, but may be called 
the deviFs swill-tub walking upright j and such deserve a 
dose of eel tea, i. e. spirituous liquor m wh-krh a living 
eel has been slimed. 4th ly, There are men who break 
the contract by defiling the marriage bed — but this is 
thought to be no scandal by many who are guilty.*- — 



* Paley observes, that, on the part of the man who solicits the chas- 
tity of a married woman, it certainly includes the crime of seduction,, 
and is attended with mischief still more extensive and complicated j 
it creates a new sufferer, an injured husband upon whose affection m 
inflicted a wound, the most painful and incurable that human nature 
knows. The infidelity of the woman is aggravated by eruekiy to her 
children, who are generally involved in their parents 5, shame, a?nfil 
always made unhappy by their quarrel. The marriage vow is wit* 
nessed before God, and accompanied with circumstances of solemnity 
and religion which approach ts the naiure of an oath. The married 
offender, therefore, incurs a crime little short of perjury, and the- 
seduction of married women is little less than subordination of per- 
jury. But the strongest apology for adultery is the prior transgres- 
sion of the other party ; and so far, indeed, as the bad effects of adul- 
tery are anticipated by the eo*Khiet of the husband or wife who- offends 
first, the guilt of the second offender is extenuated* But this cam 
never amount to a justification, unlesB it could be shown that the 
obligation of the marriage vow depends upon the conviction of reci- 
procal fidelity ; a construction which appears founded neither in ex- 
pediency, nor in terms of the vow, nor in the design of the legislature,, 
which prescribed the marriage rite. To consider the offence upon 
the footing of provocation therefore, can by no means vindicate re- 
taliation. "Thou shalt not commit adultery/' it must ever be remem- 
bered, was an interdict delivered by God himself. The crime ha* 
been punished in almost all ages and nations. By the Jewi&h iaw it 
was punishable with death ki both parties, where either the woman 
waB married, or both. Among the Egyptians adultery, in the man- 
was punished by a thousand lashes, with rods, and in the woman by 
the loss of her nose. The Greeks put out the eyes of the adulterers* 
Among the Romans it was punished by banishment^ cutting oC 



172 



REFLECTIONS ON 



Now take notice, a man of good principles thinks as 
much of his word as his oath, therefore will be true to 
his engagements, and will fulfil that promise made before 
witnesses, to " forsake all other women, and keep to his 
wife only, so long as they both shall live, to live with her 
after God's holy ordinance." Now I ask, is adultery 
God's ordinance? No, for he forbids adultery, Exod. xx. 
14. He who breaks his most sacred engagements is not 
to be confided in. Matrimonial engagements are the most 
sacred — therefore he who breaks his matrimonial engage- 
ments is not to be confided in. 5thly, Some men have 
an unhappy temper; are morose and peevish — and though 
their wives do all they can, or as they may, it is impossi- 
ble to please them. They are easily angered, view a 
mote until it looks as large as a mountain ; one word 
brings on another, at length they proceed from words to 
blows, until they become so large that one bed cannot 
hold them both. Many of our eyes and ears have been 
witness to this shameful conduct ; the jarring string of 
discord runs through all the family ; they are like devils 
incarnate ; and if a person happens to be in the family 
who has never been used to such conduct, would he not 
be almost led to think he had gotten into the territories of 
the damned ? What is here said of the man. is applica- 
ble to a great many women. A wounded bird will 
flutter. There are too many causes for me to cite under 
this head. I leave your minds to take them in while I 
pass on to the next thing under consideration, which was 
to notice some things in the conduct of women, which 
make unhappy marriages. 

1st. There are some women who are so unfortunate as 
to miss the path of virtue, prior to their being married.* 



ears, noses, and sewing the adulterers in sacks, and throwing them 
into the sea; scourging, burning, &c. &c. In Spain and Poland 
they were almost as severe. The Saxons formerly burnt the adul- 
tress, and over her ashes erected a gibbet, whereon the adulterer was 
hanged. King Edmund in this kingdom, ordered adultery to be pun- 
ished in the same manner as homicide. Canute ordered the man to 
be banished, and the woman to have her nose and ears cut off. 

♦Fornication, whoredom, or the act of incontinency between 
single persons ; for if either of the parties be married, it is adultery. 



MATRIMONY. 



Now although they may pass for virgins, they are not 
such in reality — any more than base metal is genuine,— 
And notwithstanding they may deceive a man until the 
marriage knot is tied, that imposition may be known in 
future, Deut. xxii. This being the case it is impossible 
for the man to love her as he ought, or otherwise would: 
here is a source from whence misery flows in the very 
beginning; as Solomon saith, Prov. xii. 4. "A virtuous 
woman is a crown (or ornament) to her husband — but she 
that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones." He 
must know that one person at least knows this as well as 
himself ; thi3 causes hirn to be ashamed^ while she be- 
comes as rottenness in his bones ; for the impression is 
not easily worn off. I hope these observations will not 
be forgotten by my female readers, whose virtue yet 
remains clear and sound as the crystal glass. 2d. God 
has placed the man as governor in the family, and he is 



While scripture gives no sanction to those austerities which have 
been imposed on men under the idea of religion, so, on the other 
hand, they gi\e no liberty for the indulgence of any propensity that 
would either mitigate against our own interest or that of others, It 
is vain to argue the innocency of fornication from the natural pas 
sions implanted in us, since "marriage is honorable in ail," and 
wisely appointed for the prevention of those evils which wouid oth- 
erwise ensue; and besides, ti e existence of any natural propensity 
in us, is no proof that it is to be gratified without any restrictions. — 
That fornication is both unlawful and unreasonable, may be easily 
inferred, if we consider, 1. That our Saviour expressly declares this 
to be a crime. Mark vii. 21 to 23 : 2. That the scriptures declare 
that fornicators cannot inherit the kingdom of God. 1 Cor. vi. 9. 
Heb. xiii. 16, Gal. v. 19 to 22 — 23. Fornication sinks into a mere 
brutal commerce, a gratification which was designed to be the cement 
of a sacred, generous, and tender friendship: 4. It leaves the mainte- 
nance and education of children, as to the father at least, utterly un- 
secured : 5, It strongly tempts the guilty mother to guard herself 
from infamy by methods of procuring abortion, which not only de 
stroys the child, but often the mother : 6, It disqualifies the deluded 
creatures to be either good wives or mothers, in any future marriage, 
ruining that modesty which is the guardian of nuptial happiness : 
7. it absolutely disqualifies the man for the best satisfactions— those 
of truth, virtue, innocent gratifications, tender and generous friend- 
ship : It often perpetuates a disease which may be [accounted for one 
of the sorest maladies of human nature, and the effects of which a r - 
6did to visit. th* constitutions of even distant g^n^ra'ion?. 



m 



REFLECTIONS ON 



styled, "head of the woman," Eph. v. 23. Now there 
&xe some women, though they promise to "live after 
God's ordinance," are not willing to do it, hut wish to be 
kead themselves; (according to the vulgar saying, put 
the petticoat on the man and wear the breeches them- 
selves,) claiming superior equality* — whatever is to be 
done, they must give directions, the man durst not bar- 
gain without leave, and if he does his wife's tongue runs 
as though it would never stop* What does it argue ? It 
argues great straight I, and little crooked n — that the 
woman thinks herself possessed of great wisdom, and 
her husband ignorant in the extreme ; and sets him aside 
as a mere cypher. But so far is this from being a trait of 
wisdom, that it proves the reverse ; for a wise woman 
will reverence and obey her husband, according to Eph. 
v. 22, 23. 1 Pet. iii. 1. Moreover it argues self-impor- 
tance, to see people climbing to the high seat of power 
where they have no business. td" Self-importance flows 
from ignorance. If the man is a man of sense and spirit, 
he is not willing to give up that which properly belongs 
to him, viz. the rein of government, of couue the contest 
which begins in words frequently ends in blows. Thus 
many women by assuming to themselves a prerogative 
which does not belong to them, make unhappy families. 
Women by indulging a mean opinion of their husbands, 
become ashamed of them ; but this can happen in no 
case where there is not a want of information and judg- 
ment. If you stooped in marrying him, do not indulge 
the thought that you added to his respectability ; never 
tell him " you lifted him out of the ashes," for it will be 
hard for you to extricate yourself from this difficulty. — 
" If you stooped of necessity because you could get no 
one else, the obligation is on your own side. And if you 
could get a better companion why did you marry him 1 
If you stooped of choice, who ought to be blamed but 
yourself? Besides, it will be well to remember when 
you became his wife he became your head, and your sup- 
posed superiority was buried in that voluntary act." 3d. 



* "Whip MV dogs because MY dogs did not watch MY 

Give MY dogs no supper, f&M Y cm I !" 



MATRIMONY. 



175 



There are many young women, who in order to marry 
Well, appear very mild, very affectionate and very decent 
in their persons, houses, &c. (frequently using an air of 
affectionate and speaking with faultering voices.) Some 
young gentleman wishing to get a companion of this 
description, offers his hand to one of these "jackdaws 
dressed in peacock feathers" — the nuptials are celebrated, 
her wishes are answered, the cloak is laid aside, and she 
soon appears what she is in reality. The innocency of 
the lamb is lost in the fierceness of the lion; the affection 
of the dove in the cruelty of the ostrich ; and the cleanli- 
ness of the sheep in the filthiness of the swine. These 
properties are bad in the abstract, but far worse when they 
meet together. Filthiness is the fruit of laziness. Go 
to the house where a lazy woman bears rule ; examine 
the floor, the furniture, the bedding, the linen, the child- 
ren, and last of all herself, and see what an agreement 
throughout the whole — every thing is out of fix ; and if 
she is a professor of religion, you may, without erring 
far, form a rational judgment of the state of her soul, 
from the appearance of her body. Laziness is inconsis- 
tent with the gospel of Christ, and with the spirit of 
Christianity ; for St. Paul told the Thessalonians to note 
such " a man, and have no company with him, that he 
may be ashamed," 2 Thess. iii. 14. Moreover, a lazy 
Christian is as great a solecism as an honest thief, a sober 
drunkard, a chaste harlot, or a holy devil. But it may be 
asked — what are the evils that accrue from dirty houses, 
&c. I answer, 1st. If a gentleman or lady visits you, 
they have no appetite to eat or drink in your houses ; 
and what are your feelings when you are certain of the 
cause 1 2d. They can have no satisfaction in your beds, 
they smell so offensive, and are so infested with hungry 
night walkers, which thirst for human blood. 3d. The 
very disagreeableness of the air, causes them to wish to 
make their escape, lest they should be seized with putrid 
or malignant fevers, which might terminate in death. — ■ 
4th. Many diseases originate there from, which are pro- 
ductive of the most fatal consequences to the family. — 
5th. Thereby you transmit a curse to your children ; for 
the children, in common, pattern after their parents — and 
as they do with you, so will they do when they get to 



176 



REFLECTIONS ON 



themselves. Therefore says one, "Take care of the 
breed." There is no excuse sufficient to justify those who 
are able to work and live in dirt, where water is plenty, 
and may be had for nothing : Therefore I would advise 
all persons who value their health, to shun such places 
as they would a city where the plague is in full rage. — 
Now if a man is thus taken in, how can he be happy , pro- 
vided he has never be accustomed so to live ? And if he 
has, by seeking a woman from whom he expects better 
things, he clearly evinces his dissatisfaction in that man- 
ner of life. But finding out the deception, he has no 
heart to work ; takes to drink, to drown his sorrow. Here 
we behold another cause of family misery, or unhappy 
marriages. 4thly. It sometimes is the case, that the wife, 
for want of due consideration, as it relates to his constitu- 
tion and inclination,* treats him, as an husband, with 



* " In the Jewish constitutions, there are some things not only 
curious, but useful, respecting marriage. 'There are four causes 
which induce men to marry: 1. Impure desire. 2. To get riches. 3L 
To become honourable. 4. For the glory of God. Those who marry 
through the first motive, beget wicked and rebellious children. Those 
who marry for the sake of riches, have the curse of leaving them to 
others. Those who marry for the sake of aggrandizing their family, 
their families shall be diminished. Those who marry to promote the 
glory of God, their children shall be holy, and by them shall the true 
ghurch be increased. 1 

" Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence, — Though 
our version is no translation of the original, yet few people are at a 
loss for the meaning; and the context is sufficiently plain. Some 
have rendered the words, not unaptly, the matrimonial debt, or con- 
jugal duty ; that which a wife owes to her husband, and the husband 
to his wife ; and which they must take care mutually to render, else 
alienation of affection will be the infallible consequence ; and this, in 
numberless instances, has led to adulterous connections. In such 
cases, the wife has to blame herself for the infidelity of her husband ; 
and the husband for that of his wife. What miserable work has 
been made in the peace of families, bv a wife or husband pretending 
to be wiser than the apostle, and too holy and spiritual to keep the 
commandments of God ! 

" The wife hath not power, fyc. — Her person belongs to her hus- 
band ; her husband's person belongs to her; neither of them has any 
authorhy to refuse what the other has a matrimonial right to demand. 
The woman that would act so, is either a knave or a fool. It would 
be trifling to attribute her conduct to any other cause than weakness 



MATRIMONY. 



177 



neglect : which makes a bad impression on his mind that 
is not easily erased, but tends to wean his affections from 
her 5 and exposes him to the temptations of others, till she 
becomes a burden, and he wishes her out of the way as a 
rival. Thus she is blind to her own happiness, and pro- 
cures her own destruction. Quitting this, I pass on to 
the third thing under consideration; in wiiich I am to 
point out some complex cases, in which either party may 
be guilty. And 1st. That odious practice of talking 
against each other, and exposing their weakness to those 
whom it doth not concern. For this is only exposing 
one's self! and is attended with concomitant evils; and 
a great incalculable mischief will ensue — among which 
will lie ambition, and a desire to retaliate with revenge ! 

2dly. A desire for the mastery — cannot or will not bear 
contradiction; but must have the last word ! Here, from 
calling each other " dear" and " honey 1" there will be a 
spirit of bitterness, and finally give each other the lie — 
and perhaps a separation may ensue from some trifling 
circumstance ; like the man and his wife who disputed 
whether it was a mouse or a rat that ran across the hearth 
— their friends got them to settle — make up — but it was 
a rat— let it be a rat, replied the man — this fiuished it. 

3dly. A desire to make a show above their income, 
which the judicious reflection of the other opposes — starve 
the belly, to make the back and head look gay \ And 
even among the rich, as well as poor, what misery and 
unhappiness there exists ! — Go to the middle class to find 
virtue, and look at Agur^s prayer! 

4thly. A man or woman marries one who has former 
children — partiality is shown : one is an idol, and another 
is beaten and starved ; what is the consequence ? — When 
vexed — 1 had a husband once! He is gone now ! Never 
was a man like him ! When, perhaps, the present may 
be twenty times as good as him. The false epitaphs on 
the tomb-stones of tne dead, in relation to their true cha- 



or folly. She does not love her husband ; or she loves some one else 
better than her husband; or else she makes pretensions to a fancied 
sanctity, unsupported by scripture or common sense," — -Vide Dr, 
Clarke's Commentary, 1 Cor. vii. 2, 3 } 4, 



m REFLECTIONS ON 



racter, is specific of this ; and the many lies that are told 
about the deceased!* 

5th. Sometimes the spirit of Jealousy arises from ari 
evil surmising. Shadows then will appear like a sub- 
stance ; and conjecture amounts to reality with them.— 
Reason is laid aside. Their suspicion amounts to an 
inquisition : and this excites them to let out an accusa- 
tion, even to a condemnation of the object. Jealousy, 
once admitted ? contaminates the mind, and is manifest 
in their spirit, if not through all their conduct. This must 
divide their hearts, and lays a foundation for their future 
misery ! The tears and protestations of the innocent are 
construed as so many marks of guilt ; and plainly show 
that "jealousy is as cruel as the grave 5 ' — and to such 
nothing will appear to go right. 

Here grounds are given to suspect her for such rash 
judgment, when he is conscious of innocence in himself 
—of course she must sink in his estimation \ and his 
treatment will be apt to follow accordingly. 

Therefore never listen to the tales of a whisperer about 
or against your companion— nor believe any evil concern- 
ing them without the best of evidence. For division, 
once generated in a family — farewell to peace ! Remem- 
ber your own weakness ; but realize the other's worth 
and their virtues ! 

1st. I would advise all young people, male and female, 
to get religion; by which you will be better qualified to 
do your duty to your God and yourselves, being under the 
influence of Divine Grace ; if you keep an eye single to 
the glory ©f God, you may have a guide to direct you to 



willing to share with you in all your sorrows. Do not 
iook so much at property nor beauty as good sense, virtue, 



* Wept night and day at the tomb— no more comfort— ail my love 
and joy is for ever gone — but afterward formed favourable ideas of the 
Serjeant— who, to understand female nature, had scraped acquaints 
ffince 9 and found he could smoke tobacco— wished to be off ; and ©b- 
served that he was a deserter from the army—and two pounds offered 
to place his head on a pole at the forks of roads ! She replied — dig up 
my husband, &c„ and they will not know but the head is yours*** 
fTjf Many wept 3 and yet would cut off* the head I 




partner, who will be 



MATRIMONY. 



179 



and piety. Avoid as much as possible the company of 
such as are not afraid to sin themselves ; knowing that if 
it is in their power, they will lead you into that gulf of 
iniquity which has swallowed up thousands ; W evil com- 
munications corrupt good manners :" (or rather good 
morals, as is intended,) and a companion of fools shall be 
destroyed. Get a person who will love you from a sense 
of duty to God. This foundation, if beauty and fortune 
fail, standeth sure ; and then you need not fear that such 
a companion will desert you in the day of trouble. If 
you both love God, it will be impossible for you not to 
love each other. This being the case, you may always 
have a paradise at home, and be more happy in each 
other's company than with any other person under the 
canopy of heaven. As many of our young friends have 
been called from time to eternity before they had time to 
settle themselves in the world, it ought to be a warning 
to you not to put off your return to God until you get 
married; for before that time comes you may be number- 
ed with the dead, and lie down between the clods of the 
valley ; and if without religion you are cut off in the 
bloom of youth, how soon will all your earthly joys come 
to an end, and an eternity of misery commence! But if 
you get and keep religion, whether you marry or not, it 
shall be well with you. If you marry such a person as I 
advise, when your companion dies you may have a well- 
grounded hope that the ever-faithful companion of all 
your cares is gone to rest in " Abraham's bosom ;" and 
after serving God together in time, you may spend an 
eternity of pleasure together in praising God and the 
Lamb. 



* Perhaps some will say, " the subject is too plain, and tends to 
hurt delicate feelings!" But let it be remembered that it is not more 
plain than important. And delicacy must give way to propriety, 
when truth and matter of fact demand it. Moreover, some delicate 
people have prejudices which are founded in error, and yet, when 
matrimony is treated plainer in romantic novels, will greedily relish 
and digest it! Observe, they exhibit characters which no where in 
real life exist ; and yet young minds are too frequently captivated, 

and thereby form an idea ; and must of course be dis- 

appointedj and consequently made unhappy, perhaps, for life, This 
is one of the many evils of novels to society ! 



ISO 



REFLECTIONS ON 



2d. I would advise such as have companions, to con* 
suit each other's happiness, both as it relates to time and 
eternity. As husbands, love your wives ; and as wives, 
see that you reverence your husbands ; try and find out 
each other's dispositions; consider your own weakness; 
and think not any thing too hard to be done by you to 
render each other happy, (save the giving up of your con- 
science.) If Heaven has blessed you with a good com- 
panion, esteem it as the greatest temporal blessing which 
can be enjoyed, and be very careful not to abuse such a 
gift ; remember that eternal things are connected there- 
with, and if you misuse your companion you will have to 
render an account to God for the same ; for " God will 
bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, 
whether it be good, or whether it be evil."* 

If you have a bad companion, you made your own con- 
tract, or at^ least consented thereunto; therefore make the 
best you can of a bad bargain ; and avoid every measure, 
as far as possible, (to answer it in the eternal world,) 
which might tend to make you more unhappy. If you 
have religion, walk with Zacharias and Elizabeth in all 
the ways of God blameless. If you have no religion, 
your own consciences testify that all is not well with 
you, and God himself is witness to the many promises 
you have broken : therefore it is high time for you to 
begin to think more seriously on your latter end, for many 
of you are past the meridian of life; your sun is going 
down in death : others hover around the shores of time — 



* Never put your property out of your hands to be dependant on 
your children — for they will not feel nor do with you as you with 

them when children ! The son that must be hired to reform, 

will deny the loan of a horse— the old man must walk on 

foot ; and is used and wished out of the way as a piece of useless 
lumber ! ! ! 

Set no example before your children but what 13 worthv for them 
to copy after; but use your united parental influence to preserve 
their morals, and stimulate them to noble principles. Mothers par- 
ticularly are bound by the strongest obligations, (however lew realize 
it,) to preserve the chastity and virtue of their daughters; for on this, 
in a great measure, depends much of their welfare for time, if not for 
eternity; as a woman without a character is like a body without a 
soul ; of course female education ought not to be neglected. 



MATRIMONY. 



181 



but one step between you and the bar of God ! With 
others the sun of life will go down at noon— eternal 
things depend upon life's feeble strings !— -Heaven lost, 
it's lost for ever ! — Careless man I— Prayerless woman ! 
Why will you die ? Are you greedy of eternal pain ? — 
Wh£c harm did God ever do, that you are determined not 
to be reconciled to him ? Are you so in love with sin, 
that you will risk the loss of heaven, and the torment of 
hell, for a momentary enjoyment ? — O ! be wise — seek 
salvation — fly from the gathering storm ! Believe in 
Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved. So shall you 
enjoy peace in life, tranquility in death, and crowns of 
victory in eternity. IQf* Serious consideration is the 
first step in matters of religion, with a fixed resolution to 
avoid whatever you discern to be wrong, Having your 
mind in a studious frame of inquiry after God's will, to 
do it. Never lie down in rest without committing your- 
self into the protection of kind providence — and as you 
awake give thanks to the hand that kept you ; thus begin, 
spend, and close every day with God — then he will be 
thy Father and thy Friend in Jesus Christ. Amen. 

Most evils prevalent in society have their origin from 
the influence of example, by which children are contami- 
nated, and the seeds are sown in the prejudice of their 
education, to the great injury of themselves and others, 
beyond any possible calculation ! 

The poor opinion which mankind entertain of each 
other, and the little confidence they are pleased to place 
in strangers, as well as acquaintance, exemplify the 
truth ; which shows the corruption of their very raising. 
For example: the two first things generally learnt to 
children in their infancy is to be deceitful and lie. — 
The mother is going out, the child cries to go too ; the 
mother promises to bring the " pretties," with no inten- 
tion to perform : the child is deceived and disappointed, 
and confidence is forfeited. " I will whip, &c. &c. if you 
don't hush," — but the child is not influenced, knowing 
the scare crow. 

Thus taught to deceive and lie, they become expert at 
the trade, and then must be whipt for the very thing the 
parents had taught them — whereas if the example had 
been good, and all foolish, wicked, evil, improprieties 



182 REFLECTIONS ON, &<% 



were discountenanced by a proper line of conduct, then a 
blessing would be transmitted to posterity, according to 
the promise, and as exemplified by Abraham. 

It is a rarity that young women go to the leeward with 
a broken * * '* ; provided the seeds of modesty, innocence 
and virtue, are sown in the mind at an early age : where- 
as, those mothers who did not watch over their daughters, 
as " guardian angels," are apt to let them run at random : 
hence many get their ancles scratched, if no more! — 
Fathers and sons may also take a hint ! 

The tyranny of parents, as well as too great liberty, is 
equally pernicious — also their being divided in their family 
government: likewise backbiting, flattery, &c. &c. 

03=* But remember the day of retribution, and conduct 
yourselves accordingly ! For first impressions are most 
durable, therefore the propriety and necessity of beginning 
right, to end well : as the consequence of starting wrong, 
you will for ever continue in error. 

Hence the propriety of " Consideration," and a proper 
exercise of " Judgment," as rational creatures, who need 
Divine assistance, for which we should look accordingly ! 



A PEW HINTS 



TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, 



Many persons make their own trouble ; and also make 
a great deal of unnecessary trouble for others, as the 
effects of sinning against God ! 

A fortune in a person is better than one with them !— - 
For if you obtain their HAND as the key-way to Money, 
what will it all avail if their person is disagreeable, and 
their conduct calculated to render you miserable and un- 
happy ? 

The marks of a fortune in a man at the market, are, 

1st, HONESTY ; for where this does not exist there 
can be no confidence or fidelity. 

2d. INDUSTRY ; for without this a man will be no 
good provider > and if he has a property it will squander, 
and leave him. He will be of little or no service to God 
or man, — but a pest or a curse to those about him ! 

3d. A GOOD REPUTATION ; for he who regards not 
his character will never be respectable in society; of course f 
he will transmit a curse to posterity, in a family or social 
point of view ! The meek are to inherit the earth, — the 
saints to take possession of the kingdom. Hence the 
seed of the righteous have blessings transmitted as the 
answer of prayer, — but the wicked must be cut off! 

4th. Self-command in temper ; which argues the ne- 
cessity of inward religion, which will produce the prin- 
ciple of humanity and generosity. 

But it is a lamentable truth that many, both male, ancj 
female, are ignorant of uiajiy things wh%ch *hey ought 
to be acquainted with before-hand, and have to learn 
them afterwards ! This is an evil under the sun, and 
ought to be remedied. There is a great fault even in the 
upper circles qf life, For those things that are the x*XQ&% 



184 REFLECTIONS ON, &c. 



important are too superficial in the mode of education— 
and others only recommendatory are most prominent. 

Dancing. — What has the young lady to do with hop- 
ping', after her marriage a few months? 



MARKS IN A YOUNG WOMAN. 

1. Honesty — but here custom has attached more to the 
word, than when applied to any thing else or the opposite 
gender. Hence female virtue may be compared to a Glass 
Bowl, whieh when broken cannot be efficiently mended ! 
Therefore let all my young innocent Female Readers 
take good care both of SOUL and BODY ! 

2. An even disposition— for when I go to an house, if 
the Mistress does not want me there, she has it purely in 
her power to let me know it. 

3. Good sense improved — which will make agreeable 
company, and involves judicious economy. 

4. Good religion in the Heart. 

Let Parents, who wish their Children to become re- 
spectable here and happy hereafter, timely begin, first 
with example and then precept, before the tender twig — 
seeing that first impressions are most durable and lasting. 

Where those things meet in one pair, so as to concen- 
trate them into one soul, — there is an union; an indis- 
soluble union in time and in eternity — if they are faithful, 

" Mountains rise, and oceans roll } 
r |'o sever sijcn in vain I" 



OF PETTICOAT LAW. 



Marriage has been considered an ecclesiastical affair. 
Hence divorces were obtained only from the ecclesiastical 
Courts — except by " Common Law." — i. e. The poor 
being unable to bear the expense of the former mode, 
(which cost nigh to a thousand pounds, or 4,000 dollars,) 
by consent of parties, the woman with a halter about her 
neck, is lead into the market, where she is put up at auc- 
tion ; and goes off to the highest bidder ; who is generally 
known beforehand. This being the common custom 
among the common People from time immemorial, be- 
comes a precedent ; and hence a " Common Law," — but 
she is not bound to stay with the man who bids her off, 
but by her own consent; although free from her former 
husband. 

A Fashionable Lady, judges of personal merit by the 
cut of his dress, his ruffles, ties his cravat well, wears his 
hat well, has a fashionable coat, makes a graceful bow, 
repeats the common chit-chat of the day, in an agreeable 
manner, it is enough. He is, according to the technical 
phrase, a genteel man. 

If he has other qualifications ; they are of too little 
importance to be taken into consideration. If he has not 
these, no other merit can save him from condemnation and 
redicule. 

The peace of a family depends more upon the woman, 
than it does upon the man. For let the man do as he 
may, to make things agreeable, — the Lady has it in her 
power, to render it otherwise, if she pleases. And if lie 
comes home drunk, she, if so minded, can and will find 
some way to render things tolerably agreeable to those 
around. 

The Gentlemen complained of the Ladies' fickleness 
in love; they accused the men of insincerity, and both 
parties with much wit and pleasantry, threw the blame of 



186 



REFLECTIONS ON 



all mistakes in marriage mutually on each other* Observ- 
ed Pollyanna, We complain of their insincerity. Are 
we more sincere ? do not we act as much disguised as 
they, who find us frail women, instead of angels ? Di- 
vinities ! characters we foolishly assume; — and are we 
pleased unless they compliment us 3 lift us up to the skies } 
and pay us adoration? 

Marks to Estimate Real Worth. 

1st. Honesty. 2d, Civility. M, Industry. 4th. Eco- 
nomy. 5th, Humanity. 6th, Even Disposition. 7th, 
Good Religion ! 

The voice of whisper reported of a certain pair, who 
had no Heir for seven years — The man made a certain 
proposition to a neighbouring Widow Lady : — the condi- 
tions of which were—that he should come in the dark, 
and go in the dark ; bring cloth and money, &c. The 
Widow privately informed the man's wife of the whole 
affair with the arrangements therewith connected. And 
it was agreed that the wife should occupy the bed, &c. 
which concerted plan succeeded. Tap, tap at the window 
at the appointed hour — is admitted — fulfils the condition — 
retires in due time. 

The wife, in circumlocution, arrives home in season, to 
make all appear as if she had remained at home — but at 
length produces the booty from her Friend — and begins 
to cut the cloth for garments ; and desires her husband to 
accompany her to the store to buy trimmings, &c. with 
the money in her hand, received from a friend! — 
His feelings and cure may be more easily imagined than 
described in the mind of fancy ! What was the result ? 
But an heir in due time. 

Here, then, a man committed adultery with his own 
wife, according to Natural, Civil, Ecclesiastical and Com- 
mon Law." But it is the motive which gives character 
to the action ! 

Milton intimates — When the sexes were equal, the 
Lady must wander from the man, to labour alone 5 because 
he thought there was danger in disguise — and being to- 
gether, would be more apt to be on their guard ; but she 
to show her superiority of judgment and also her inde- 



MATRIMONY. 



187 



pendence by wisdom displayed, would have a separation 
of work. 

And falling in with the Tempter in disguise began a 
chat then a taste of the apple ; and brought it to the man, 
who yielded. 

But on perceiving the mischief done, seemed to blame 
the man, because he did not set up authority and forbid 
and prevent her going. 

When she first saw the man, in a sitting posture, pre- 
tended, she did not know what it was — and when he rose 
up, she pretended to be much affrighted ; and ran, appa- 
rently with all her might : — but still, she did not run so 
fast, but what she intended the old man should come rp 
with her ! 

The example of Rebecca, to obtain the blessing for her , 
darling son, is an elucidation of female nature in modern 
times. 

The contrast of feeling in the mother of Moses, pa- 
rentally, for his preservation ; and the sympathy in the 
breast of Pharaoh's daughter, admits of reflection. 

The request of Rachel and Hannah, is another channel. 

The contention betwixt Rachel and Leah. The con- 
duct of Michael (the daughter of Saul,) wife to David, in 
a fit of Jealousy, forgetting her own conduct, of living 
with another man. 

The conduct of Jael and Judith by deception and co- 
quetry — another trait. 

That of Joseph's Mistress and the wife of Job, exem- 
plify another trait. 

Cleopatra, the Queen of Egypt, outgeneraled her bro- 
ther, and Julius Caesar, Mark Anthony and Augustus, in 
her duplicity and intrigue, by skill and ability, peculiar to 
the sex ; for they will out do and outgeneral the men, 
nine times out of ten when they are bent to do their 
prettiest, best and worst ; and so carry their point. 

Hence when they are bad — they are capable of plans 
and schemes that man would never think of. And when 
they are good, will excel the very best of men, for virtue, 
truth, fidelity, courage and patience in affliction ! 

Their feelings and sensibility are more exquisite ; here 
then love and attachment, affection and sympathy, exceed 



1B8 



REFLECTIONS ON 



the opposite gender— and so does their disgust, aversion, 
hatred and revenge ! 

The three pious Maries, excelled the Apostles and the 
Soldiers too — by continuing with Him to the last; and 
were the first at the Vault while it was dark, under awful 
circumstances, which made the soldiers afraid. 

Buonaparte said he was never conquered until in the 
presence of the queen of Prussia ; a word to the wise is 
enough ! 

A Lady*s oath, " I don't choose to" 

The CHARACTER of a man is in the power of the 
woman ; secondly, his PROPERTY is in the power of 
the woman ; thirdly, the LIBERTY of a man is in the 
power of the woman ; fourthly, his LIFE is in the power 
of the woman ! 

For the WORD and OATH of the Female, in point 
of "Common Law;" (i. e. Whisper, Slander and Re- 
ports,) and secondly by " Statute Law," will be received 
and believed before his. Such is the nature of men; and 
such the influence of W x omen on society. 

Here then is a Compound Law, in this land, proceed- 
ing from natural Law and Statute Law, which may involve 
the Innocent, without a reciprocity or a possibility of re- 
dress or an escape. 

Thus the Petticoat still seems to govern the world ! 
And it is done according to Law ! 

But if there was a " Court of Women" to " Try 
Women ;" would it not be better for men ; and also more 
fitted to keep the peace of families, than any mode now 
adopted in this land 7 

Yet there are but few women, but what would choose 
to have an appeal from the jurisdiction of a Female Tri- 
bunal, to that of Men ; rather than to be tried, judged and 
sentenced by their own sex ! 

But supposing they do choose? Look at their choice 
and influence in the ten miles square, which contains two 
big houses and three cities. 

What is the influence of Petticoats there ? How many 
leading men wait on the wives of others 1 Have their 
minds changed by female art, flattery, and intrigue, who 
electioneer and gain the ascendency in the company of 



MATRIMONY. 



189 



Voters? How many Laws are passed different than 
otherwise would have been ! Gained and Lost ! 

How many appointments are made or hindered by the 
influence of the same. 

The Balls or Levees, Routes, Masquerades, Gambling, 
&c. &c. Time spent in that which is worse than bad 5 
How much at the public expense — 34 cents the hour ! 
How many hours in twenty-four, for the Public, in a sea- 
son ? and otherwise, how much 1 

Let the visiting stranger in the City and District ; say> 
by calculation mathematically, and answer the question I 

Quere. Where on the Continent of North America, is 
the SINK OF INIQUITY ! 

£3^ Let the House of God be cleansed t 



PARAPHRASE 



ON 



GENESIS xlix. 10. 



- — _ — „ k 

BY LORENZO DOW. 



u The sceptre shall not depart from Jitdah, nor a 
Law-Giver from between his feet, until Shiloh 
come: and unto him shall the gathering of the 
people be!" 

Mant are the opinions concerning the text; and some 
have taken ground that is untenable. Hence one may be 
permitted to say with Elihu, I will also show mine opin- 
ion. 

First, then. What is a sceptre ? By reading Esther's 
approach to the Monarch, and viewing the kingly monu- 
ments of the Old World ; a man on the horse in statue, 
with a significant roll in his hand, perhaps made of cop- 
per ; about eighteen inches long and two or three inches 
diameter ; denoting a sw r ay of POWER in the superla- 
tive degree. Hence the propriety of the expression, 
" holding the sceptre." 

This supreme power may be lodged in the hands of 
one, few, or many ; as is now exemplified among the na- 
tions. America has come nearer the standard of equal 
Rights and universal Suffrage, in their mode of economy ; 
and also in limiting and apportioning the division of 
power, than any other people hitherto known I 



PARAPHRASE, &c. 



IS1 



Jehovah, himself, was the. " Law-Giver" of the ancient 
Patriarchs; and held the " Legislative" prerogative ac- 
cording to the Hebrew economy. But the " Executive'* 
and "Judicial" authority was lodged with men. 

The laws of adultery and murder are nearly the same 
among most nations in a state of society — from the soli- 
tary ages of the world \ and both may be considered to 
have had one origin. 

The Judicial and Executive authority lodged in the 
hand of a Patriarch was transmitted hereditary from the 
Father to the eldest son, in point of right by order and 
succession. 

But, nevertheless, in that, there was exceptions to this 
rule in certain cases 5 so that the prerogative was trans- 
ferred in certain cases from one branch of the family to 
another ; which was exemplified in the case of Esau and 
Jacob ; the former selling his " birthright" to the latter. 
Also by right of succession, Reuben must have followed 
Jacob in point of order ! but for his incestuous behaviour, 
the order was transferred to Joseph, though Judah pre- 
vailed. Compare 1 Chron. v. 1, 2, Gen. xlix. 3, 4. — 
Numbers ii. 3, 4, and 10, 14. 

Have we any evidence that Judah had a sceptre in a 
Judicial and Executive point of view, in his person or 
tribe ? 

Answer — he had : First in his person, in the case ot 
his daughter-in-law, who was accused of infidelity — by 
virtue of his executive and judicial authority, commanding 
her to be brought, that she might be burnt. But her inno- 
cence appearing, she was acquitted. Thus he possessed 
a sceptre in his person. And Jacob, in truth and with 
propriety, could say, prophetically, " The sceptre shall 
not depart from Judah." 

We have but a small account of the economy or state 
of the Hebrews after Jacob uttered this prophecy, for 
about one hundred and ninety-seven years, when they 
came out of Egypt, 

Here permit me to observe, that as language is not an 
innate principle of nature ; as it involves ideas which are 
received by or through our outer senses, or communicated 
by inspiration to the inward feeling of the mind, or else 
by the moral perception are digested and arranged in a 



m 



PARAPHRASE, &c. 



judicious way ; and the communication, of those ideas ? 
through or by speech, require and involves the art of man. 

The first man was an adult as he emanated from his 
Maker's hand. And as there was a haw given him, fit- 
ted to his capacity ; which circumstances involves the 
idea of language ; and follows as a consequence that the 
Maker of man learnt man to talk ! 

The Work of Creation is not a subject of knowledge, 
but an object of faith. But to deny the doctrine of mira- 
cles, is to deny the work of creation ; if nature came not 
by nature, but by an act of Divine Power. And to deny 
the work of creation, is to deny the Creator ; seeing it 
must be the act which constitutes the character I And 
hence atheism must be the order of the day. 

But those who are not theoretically atheists, if they 
are practically such, must admit the idea of a God, and 
infer nature from Him! And that the first man should 
not be too great a mystery to himself, but feel the force 
of his dependence and obligation to his Creator and Go- 
vernor, it may be admitted with propriety that God com- 
municated to man what had happened each of the five 
preceding days. And this once being communicated, he 
in turn might communicate to another ; and so hand it 
down by tradition, as his history of the flood is y among all 
the heathen nations ! 

What is obvious to sense, is a subject of knowledge. 
And what a man knows, he is able to give a rational ac- 
count of. And what Adam passed through subsequent, 
must have been experimental. Of course he would be 
able to give an account of that, in relation to his history 
of the fall, &c. This being admitted, how easy could 
the tradition have been handed down to the time of Moses, 
when letters appeared to furnish a record. 

According to the Mosaic account, Adam lived 930 
years, and Methuselah 969, (1899,) and died the year 
oefore the flood ; which happened 1656 from the Crea- 
tion ; and would follow as a consequence, that Adam and 
Methuselah must have been cotemporary about 243 years. 

Shem was cotemporary with Methuselah 98 years, and 
with Abraham 150 years, and with Isaac 50. Thus 
there was but two intermediate persons necessary to con* 



PARAPHRASE, &c. 



198 



nect the chain of tradition from Adam to [saac, a period 
of more 2000 years. 

Levi was the great grandfather of Moses ; and cotem- 
porary with his own grandfather, Isaac, a number of years. 

As a confirmation of the tradition of the Work of Crea- 
tion being not merely ideal and fabulous, but as a truth 
founded on fact, God himself proclaimed from the top of 
Mount Sinai, in the hearing of 600,000 men, besides their 
women and children, so as to put it beyond all doubt that 
it was no imposition on the mind, but must have been 
Jehovah himself, as the author. And then delivered two 
tables of stone, containing the proclamation of the ten 
commands, embracing a short account of the work of 
creation, and corroborates the same. 

Thus we are indebted to God for the origin of letters, 
as well as for the origin of language. 

Man being formed the last, and probably toward or at 
the close of the day — in the order of his time, he would 
begin his reckoning on the " Sabbath" which would be 
the first day of his week ; and counting over six days 
more would bring to another Sabbath, and the beginning 
of another week — hence the origin of the first day of the 
week being considered and regarded as the Sabbath by 
the heathen. 

But the day and time, for the beginning of the week 
and of the year, was altered and changed, when the He- 
brews came out of Egypt ; and would corroborate with 
the old theory. 

When the Hebrews were on their journey from Egypt 
to Canaan, the tribe of Judah led on the van ; according 
to the regulation and order of the cantonment ; and also 
was the most numerous and powerful of the whole. 

Man to teach man ; as means in the hand of God.— ■ 
When Jethro, Moses' father-in-law, came to view the 
burden which devolved on Moses, arising from the dis- 
putes among the people, he recommended minor judges 
— over tens, fifties, and hundreds, &c. which economy 
was judiciously adopted ; Exod. xviii. 13 to 34, dec- 
Numb, xi. 16. Deut. 13, 14. But still the burthen being 
to great for Moses to bear, he besought God to kill him 
outright, or give him auxiliary help. 

The Lord then directed seventy elders to be elected j 



194 



PARAPHRASE, &c. 



and the Lord said to Moses, " I will take of the spirit 
which is in thee, and lay it upon them" — which when 
done, they prophesied ; sixty- eight together, but two re- 
mained in the camp. And Joshua, being zealous for the 
honour of Moses, and a stickler for good order, ran to 
Moses, requesting him to rebuke them ! But he replied, 
as every good man should do, Would to God that all the 
Lord's People were prophets* 

Those seventy Elders, of which Moses was the Presi- 
dent, constituted the Sanhedrim, or Grand Council, or 
the Highest Court among the Jews ; and from whose 
judgment there was no appeal, when issued from their 
tribunal. 

This was the order and economy of God in the Hebrew 
policy; and of which order, there is no evidence of this 
being abrogated, or made null and void, until after Jesus 
Christ came upon the earth. 

This Council acted the Executive and Judicial part in 
the government and economy of the Hebrews, according 
to that law given to them by their Law-Giver, who was 
not to depart from them until " Shiloh" come ; and unto 
him should the gathering of the people be. 

Some people have confined the sceptre, in the text, to 
the house and lineage of David in that monarchical power 
but the statement is founded in absurdity, and proves too 
much. 

First. The monarchy of the Hebrews was not of divine 
origin, but originated in the will of man ; which may 
plainly be seen by the Lord's remonstrance by the prophet 
Samuel. 

Secondly. The sceptre of David's line departed when 
Zedekiah was carried to Babylon ; for he was the last. 

Thirdly. If the Messiah was to come before the Ba- 
bylonish captivity, no one can tell who, or where, or 
when he was. And 

Fourthly. If he came then ; it would follow, as a con- 
sequence, that all who came afterward, must be deemed 
as impostors ; and would involve Jesus Christ in the 
number. 

And lastly. It would thereby null our Christ and his 
religion ; and moreover give the Jew completely the ad- 
vantage in argument. And hence it is plain that the 



PARAPHRASE, &c. 



195 



ground must be considered as altogether untenable, and 
improper for defence. 

Joshua was the successor of Moses, and became Presi- 
dent of the Council. And thus the scenes in the time of 
the " Judges." 

After the ten tribes separated, they were called Israel, 
and established the worship of golden calves, in imitation 
of the ox god of Egypt. And by this acf, of necessity, 
they expelled the Jewish policy, and neglect the govern- 
ment of the Sanhedrim, which of course must be confined 
to the tribe of Judah, from which the sceptre should not 
depart until Shiloh come ! 

About the time that monarchy was desired and set up 
in the will of man, a bickering of their politics gendered 
the epithets, and was the beginning of that distinction, 
"Israel" and "Judah which, after the third monarchy, 
ended in becoming two nations ; and may be characteris- 
tic of those times in which we live ; when we hear the 
distinction of political parties — F. and D. 

Though the Apocrypha is not considered canonical, 
yet it may be admitted as good historical evidence. The 
case of the Judges, in the story of Susannah, shows the 
Judiciary and Executive policy to have existed, and been 
kept up among the Jews, according to their laws, even in 
the time of the captivity. 

Daniel was taken captive in the first year of the reign 
of Nebuchadnezzer ; and in the second year was promot- 
ed to become Prime Minister — at least in the province 
of Babylon, as chief governor and ruler. And his three 
companions were promoted into office likewise. And 
Daniel continued, not only the reign of the twenty-nine 
or thirty years of that monarch, but also beyond the time 
of his successor, Evil-merodach, king of Babylon, and 
Belshazzar likewise ; yea, when the city was taken by 
Darius, and an hundred and twenty princes were appoint- 
ed over an hundred and twenty provinces, who were to 
give account to three Presidents, of whom Daniel was 
chief ; which shews the high estimation in which he stood, 
and also the authority with which he was delegated to 
act ; which continued until the time of Cyrus ; when the 
edict was issued for volunteers to return to Jerusalem to 
rebuild the Temple. 



196 



PARAPHRASE, &e. 



Moreover, it must be plain from the testimony of Ha- 
man, in the book of Esther, that they did adhere to their 
own laws ; the complaint that he entered about their dif- 
ference and conduct, exemplifies it beyond dispute. And 
furthermore, when Mordecai became Prime Minister to 
the Persian empire, which extended from the Ganges to 
Abyssinia; and from the eastern ocean to the Mediter- 
ranean Sea, over an hundred and twenty-seven provinces, 
with such extensive power ; it must be plain, as he was a 
Jew, that his people must of consequence enjoy their laws 
and rules. 

When the emigrants went up to Jerusalem to built the 
House of GOD — they had authority to levy fines, inflict 
stripes, confiscate property, and also to execute death and 
banishment. 

Thus the Executive and Judicial authority was in 
vogue. And Zerubbabel, the son of Salathiel, (Matt. 1. 
12 Ezra, ii. 2. and iii. 2, 8.) was President. 

And if we examine the Grecian history, it will appear, 
that when Alexander the Great was determined to extir- 
pate them, that he was not only thwarted by a change 
wrought in his mind, arising from the appearance of the 
High Priest in his Pontificate dress ; but also, he estab- 
lished them in peculiar privileges. 

And when Antiochus would have overthrown their 
mode of worship by his persecution, he was never able 
fully to carry the same into effect ; but was frustrated by 
the Maccabees; who so far maintained independence, so- 
cially, that their Laws were predominant in the land until 
the time of the Roman power by Powpey ; who indulged 
them in their privileges and opinions, never intruding upon 
iheir ecclessiastical affairs. 

And when the Wise men came from the East, inquir- 
ing Where is he that is born King of the Jews ? we find 
Herod alarmed; who demanded of the Sanhedrim, or the 
Grand Council, where it was written or foretold he should 
be born ? "Who, on examination, replied accordingly — ■ 
Bethlehem of Judea. 

Thus we find the sceptre had not departed from Judah 
until Shiloh come. 

We read concerning the captain of the Temple, in va- 
rious places — of their imprisoning the Apostles, An r d 



PARAPHRASE, &c. 



197 



Pilate said, " YE have a guard." After setting "watch 
to keep the prison with all safety ;" arraigning Stephen 
and the Apostles ; took counsel to put them to death. And 
Stephen was executed according to the law form, by the 
" witness?' who to stone him, laid down their clothes at a 
young man's feet, whose name was Saul. 

Of this Council was Nicodemus, and Joseph of Arima- 
thea, who consented not to the cruel sentence. 

Nicodemus said, we (not I) know that thou art a teach- 
er come from God! Hence, when they accused him of 
casting out devils by Beelzebub, they spoke wilfully 
against a better knowledge ; and thereby committed the 
unpardonable sin ; by blaspheming the Holy Ghost— by 
affirming it was diabolical power. 

When Paul was their prisoner, they said, " We would 
have judged him;" but was prevented by the military of- 
ficer from Rome. 

Thus it will appear that they did consider themselves 
a body politic, and adequate to judge and execute accord- 
ing to the law. 

Jesus said, " They sit in Moses' seat"— which shows 
that the seat of Moses, was the order of GOD. 

And that the seat was not yet vacated, but still in force : 
therefore the Mosaic dispensation was not abrogated. And 
consequently, the words of the text may be considered as 
strictly true. — The sceptre shall not depart from Judah ; 
nor a Law-giver from between his feet, until Shiloh come ; 
and unto him shali the gathering of the people be. 

The sceptre did not depart from Judah until Shiloh 
came. But what are we to understand by the Law-giver 
and the feet ? 

In the image of Nebuchadnezzar, we find therfeadand 
Breast, &c. to refer to the succession of the different em- 
pires, from the Babylonians to the Medes and Persians, 
then the Greeks, and afterwards the Roman. Therefore 
the feet, &c. must allude to the latter part, or that which 
comes after, in succession. 

GOD was the Law-giver to the Jews. And He did 
not forsake them until Shiloh come ; but nationally he 
preserved them, until our Lord drove the money-brokers 
out of the Temple, observing, My house, you have made 
a den of thieves. And as he retired, he wept, with this 



198 



PARAPHRASE, &c. 



lamentation — O Jerusalem, Jerusalem ! how often would 
I have gathered you, and ye would not — your house is left 
unto you desolate — ye shall not see me henceforth, until 
ye shall say, blessed is he that cometh in the name of the 
Lord — as the others had done just before, when he rode 
into the city. 

The Sanhedrim said, see how ye prevail nothing ; be- 
hold the world is gone after him — and if we let him thus 
alone, the Romans will come and take away both OUR 
place and NATION. Thus they viewed their place, in 
the passessive case, in a national point of view. And 
therefore our Lord, in his parables, frequently pointed 
out their standing in a national capacity, and what must 
follow as the conseqence of sin: and styled the temple, 
" your house, is left unto you desolate" — forsaken by the 
" Law-giver," the Great GOD ! because they rejected 
the wise men with the prophets ; and morever, His only 
Son \ 

The Jeet with propriety may be considered as relating 
to the two tribes, Judah and Benjamin. The temple was 
on the borders, where the line ran ; and hence the word, 
" between," is admissible. 

The Council at length, from punishing the innocent, 
and desiring a Barrabas, suffered vice to go unpunished, 
until iniquity became so prominent, that they dare not 
restrain it, by the infliction of punishment, lest th<*y should 
be assassinated by the banditti, whose actions came to an 
unparalleled height. 

And by virtue of this breach of trust, they were account- 
able for their infidelity ; and being conscious of their re- 
sponsibility, while in council assembled. 

The query arose, Why sit we here ? Arise and let us 
go hence 1 Thus they voluntarily dissolved themselves ; 
and they have had no such Council since : until Napo- 
leon set up the Mock Council in France, in 1806. 

Moses told the Hebrews, Deut. xxviii. The conse- 
quence of obedience to the law by the Law-giver. And 
on the other side, the consequence of obedience, as the 
retribution from the same Law-giver, that they should be 
scattered among all nations, where they should be hissed 
at and despised. 



PARAPHRASE, &c. 



199 



Thus for near two thousand years we find them to ex- 
emplify what Moses had foretold of old. 

There is not a nation in Europe, called Christians, but 
what have special laws against the Hebrews, to curtail 
their privileges; not even suffering them to be landhold- 
ers, unless they will renounce their religion, or nominally 
profess Christianity \ yea, they are not admitted as citi- 
zens, nor owned as subjects, but are viewed as vagrants, 
or considered as aliens, throughout the whole world, ex- 
cept the United States. And the " Holy City will be 
trodden down of the Gentiles forty and two months" — 
" Till the fulness of the Gentiles be come in."* But 
when the Hebrews acknowledge the Shiloh, saying, 
" Blessed be he that cometh in the name of the Lord." — 
Then those judgments which were inflicted, on them for 
their disobedience, will be taken off them, and laid upon 



* Whoever will compare the 8th. 9th. 10th and 11th chapters of the 
Romans, will perceive the Apostle was speaking of the Jews and 
Gentiles, in the order and succession of the Gospel in the militant 
state. 

And the 9th chapter, 10th to 13th verses of Romans, when com- 
pared with Genesis, xxv. 23. 2 Sam. viii 14. 1 Chron. xviii. 12, 
13. Malichi, i. 1 to 3. will plainly perceive that those words were 
applicable NATIONALLY, and no how else : and to apply it other- 
wise, is a plain perversion of the text. 

Again, Heb. xi. 20. Genesis xxvii. 30 to 40. 2 Chron. xxi. 10, 
will see it. must be understood nationally, and NOT personally. See 
Deut ii. 4 to 8. Also Rom. ix. 21, &c. to Jeremiah xviii. 2 to 10 
&c. 

Thus what is spoken nationally should be applied only nationally 
to prevent confusion — and the letters " I. F." and " E. T. H." should 
not he forgotten when applied personally, when found in the good 
Book. 

National sins being punished nationally, it must be done here, (as 
exemplified in the case and state of the Jews;) seeing it cannot be 
done hereafter; as there will be no human dynasties there. Hence, 
in the day of judgment, mankind must be "judged personally, and 
rewarded individually — each according to his deeds done in the 
body. 

And as the capacities, ages and circumstances of mankind are so 
various, and the improvements also ; so will be the reward apportioned 
accordingly. 

Thus those premises being admitted, we can justify the ways of 
God-to man, here, in the rise and^fall of kingdoms and empires : and 
evenly Mxhommedanism was suffered to supplant Christianity, 
16 



200 PARAPHRASE, &c. 



those who were their oppressors ; but the United States 
will escape ! 

And unto him shall the gathering of the people be. 

The first of the gathering, was the Jewish Shepherds ; 
who were directed by the Angel who proclaimed peace on 
earth, and good will to men — a Saviour born, who should 
be glad tidings of great joy to ALL people. 

The second, was the wise men from the East. Accord- 
ing to Buchanan, by tradition, they were from Hindostan : 
directed West in quest of a remarkable personage who 
was to enlighten the human family. Thus geographi- 
cally the accounts correspond. 

Herod sought to destroy the young child, fearing he 
would, as a .rival, prevent the succession of the throne 
hereditary in his family; who at this time, held a kind of 
delegated kingly power, subordinate to Augustus Ccesar. 

Augustus had designed to tax the Roman empire about 
twenty-seven years before he brought it to bear ; and the 
place of enrolment brought Joseph and Mary to Bethlehem ; 
and so the prophecy was fulfilled by the overruling Provi- 
dence of God in the concerns of mortals. 

Fourteen thousand four hundred children were slain, 
according to accounts ; yet the Child Jesus was preserved 
from the designs of that wicked man. First by the Angel, 
warning the Wise Men not to return to Herod ; and then 
warning Joseph to retire with the young child and his 
mother to the land of Egypt ; until he should have word 
by that visitor to return; which followed soon after. 

For on the eighth day was the circumcision ; and in 
thirty-three more days she was to offer the turtle-doves, 



in the East. First, Mahommedani3m admits of no idolatry ; and se- 
condly, is not ss> intolerable as corrupt Christianity when degenerated. 

And also, on the same plan, the world of mankind can be judged in 
the great day, in righteousness and justice; seeing the obligation is 
in proportion to the talents given ; and the reward of grace to the 
obedient, and the punishment of vice apportioned to the crime. 

For there are two ways, two states, and two characters, and here- 
ufter two eonditions, i. e. Happy and Miserable ! Now, Reader, life. 
h nd death! the narrow way and the broadway I which will you choose 
and pursue ? Look, see, and make up your mind, For the wages of 
sin is death ! But eternal life is the gift of God, through Jesus Christ 
oar Lord * 



PARAPHRASE, &c. 201 

or two young pigeons — at which Anne and Simeon came 
and took the young child. And Joseph thereon, learning 
that a son of Herod had succeeded in power — through 
fear retired into Nazareth. Thus two scriptures more 
were fulfilled by the same overruling hand. " Out of 
Egypt have I called my Son, and he shall be called a 
Nazarene t" 

For a further gathering, notice the assembly on the 
day or feast of Pentecost ; when thousands were con- 
vinced, who belonged to different tongues, — and neigh- 
boring and remote nations. 

When the dissension began about the distribution of 
property, God suffered persecution in the case of Ste- 
phen; which caused them to be dispersed and scattered, 
whereby the Gospel was spread, and souls were gathered 
to Shiloh. 

The call of Peter to Cornelius was a door for much 
gathering of the people to Shiloh, 

Peter's mind was limited, through the prejudice of 
education; as was those of his brethren too; when they 
heard of that visit, and called him to account before the 
Church ; like many sects in modern times, who, if one 
of their members goes to a meeting of another society, 
must call them to an account. 

But their minds were enlarged to see, " that God was 
no respecter of persons: but in every nation, he that 
feareth him, and worketh righteousness, is accepted with 
him." 

Thus, those who forbid one casting out devils in 
Christ's name, because he followed not US, were taught 
by the Master, TO FORBID HIM NOT. 

There is a Gospel for all nations, and to every crea- 
ture; and ia the other world there will be a union of 
thought, heart, sentiment and song — " Thou hast redeem- 
ed us to God by thy blood, out of every kindred, and 
tongue, and people, and nation." — Rev. v. 9. 

The image of Nebuchadnezzar was Church and State; 
or a law religion: and he appears to have been the first 
who punished with death, in a decree, for non-conform- 
ity. But it has been followed by all the succeeding 
nations down to the ten toes, or kingdoms, in which days 
we are, and see the relicks of the image remaining still, 



202 



PARAPHRASE, &c. 



The kingdom of the stone cut out of the mountain 
without hands, we have seen also ; but the time of the 
mountain kingdom is, and must be future ; how far, who 
can tell? 

But the power of the stone will sweep the rubbish of 
the image with the besom of destruction ; so that a trace 
of it shall not remain. 

Connecticut has made some little progress, in the re- 
jection of the old Charter, and forming a Constitution 
more congenial with the equal rights of man ; so that 
their law religion is gone down the hill. How different 
this from that old blue law, that made it penal to give a 
Quaker meat, drink, lodging, or to tell him the road? 

The abuse of religion has been the cause of much 
blood being shed. But religion itself, " love to God and 
man," will soften the heart, and change the conduct of 
man, from bad to good — whereby he will feel the force 
of the rule, " As ye would that others should do to you, 
do ye even so to them." For the law of Moses, the spirit 
of the Prophets, and the example of Jesus Christ, taught 
that command. But persecution never was sanctioned 
by the Saviour, either by precept or example. 

Then this abuse of Church Power should be curtailed 
— remembering, "when thou bringest thy gift to the 
altar, and knowest that thy brother hast aught against 
thee, (thou being in the fault,) go first, and be reconciled 
to thy brother; then come and offer thy gift." 

The Society may be in an error — hence they must not 
be overbearing, and destroy a brother for whom Christ 
died ; lest they grieve those whom God would not have 
grieved, and so offend the Lord ! But if a brother get out 
of the way, first tell him his fault alone ; secondly, take 
one or two witnesses ; and then if he will not hear, tell 
it to the Church. 

But some societies are deceived in their state ; their 
standing being different, and better in their own estima- 
tion, than it is in the judgment of God ; hence assume 
to themselves a kind of INFALLIBILITY ; and so lord 
it over God's heritage ! But let it be remembered, that the 
Son of Man came to save that which was lost. 

The evil in the world that accrues from the abuse- of 
power, by departing from their first principles, or the rule 



PARAPHRASE, &c. 



203 



of Right, among the different denominations, is incalcu- 
lable ; and of course must be remedied, or they will be 
swept with the remains of the image, in that day when 
the House of the Lord shall be established in the top of 
the mountain, and exalted above the hills, and all nations 
flow unto it ; when the different trees shall clap their 
hands for joy, i. e. the pious and holy, distinguished by 
different names, among the nations, and among the differ- 
ent sects — so that the watchmen shall see eye to eye ! For 
which purpose the light of the moon, the heathens, shall 
become the light of the sun ; and the light of the sun 
shall become seven fold, as the light of seven days. The 
nations, seeing their impropriety of conduct flowing from 
moral evil, shall refrain from war, by reforming their con- 
duct — -cultivate the art of war no more ! 

But oh the revolutions that will precede that day ! 
Ninety-six years ago, it was written in Dutch ; sixty-six 
years since, was translated into English, and printed in 
London first, and then in the United States. 

First — Career of Bonaparte from Acre, in Asia, as the 
origin. 

Secondly — The edict that stript the Pope of his power, 
and transferred it to the City, Jan. 1st, 1810. 

Thirdly — Napoleon Bonaparte characteristically in 
power while the pope was his prisoner. 

Fourthly — From the time that the hour of choosing the 
Pope was taken from the people, and lodged in the Car- 
dinals alone, in 1143, would be 666 years; which of 
course ended in 1809 — and the next morning the people 
of Rome enjoyed the transfer. 

Fifthly — Napoleon's downfall. 

Sixthly — The Holy League, or union under the gov- 
ernment of Babylon ; which as yet, according to that 
account, has not got to. its summit. 

Now if the future should correspond as correctly as the 
former, in the order of events and course of time, the fol- 
lowing may be expected within the space of sixteen 
years : 

First — The overthrow of Turkey by the Russian 
power. 

Secondly — The liberation and rise $f Bonaparte ; to 
receive not only " power again," but the kings with it. 



304 PARAPHRASE, Ac. 



Thirdly— The overthrow of Babylon* 
Fourthly—The two witnesses at Jerusalem, and slain 
by the beast. 

Fifthly—The whole world concentrated under three 
general heads at Armageddon or Migedo. 

Sixhtly— The angels in the sun call the fowls of 
heaven to the supper of the great God. But time alone 
can unfold and determine those great events. 

The career of Washington might be called in question 
sooner than that of Moses, at some future time. The feast 
of the Passover annually answers to our fourth of July. 
Both are very circumstantial evidence of the facts. One, 
of our emancipation from British thraldom ; the other, of 
deliverance from Egyptian bondage. When one was to 
be effected, there was supernatural evidence antecedent 
in Egypt. And when the Legislative Body in the Old 
World, decreed their "right, in all cases whatever, to 
bind America; there was a noise on the self-same day, 
heard in the air in the New World, for several hundred 
miles. Thus the attempt to impose the image went down 
the hill ! 

The idea of tide water in drowning the Egyptians, is 
substituted to do away that of a miracle, by some. But 
let it be remembered, that the Isthmus of Suez is admitted 
to be about sixty miles over. Hence, if tide water was 
in one sea, it would be rational to suppose it would be 
found in the other. But geographers and navigators null 
the idea of regular tides in one sea, and hence may reject 
it, as it relates to the other. 

When Alexander travelled from Europe to Africa, and 
built the city which still retains his name, then went to- 
wards India, he must have gone over once or twice near 
the Red Sea ; and had there been tide water, why not they 
become acquainted with it ? But we find that they were 
panic-struck, when they found the flood-tide in the east ; 
supposing the laws of nature to be reversed, and that the 
gods were frowning upon them. Hence it is plain they were 
ignorant of the nature of tide water antecedent ; and there- 
fore none in those parts over which they had passed, and 
therefore none in that part of the Red Sea ; which idea 
of course must be considered of modern date, and has no 
foundation in common sense for its support. 



/ 



PARAPHRASE, &c. 205 

The spirit of inquiry, connected with that of Missionary 
and the translation of the Scriptures into so many living 
languages, denotes important events at the door, particu- 
larly, if in connection, we take into view both the strat- 
agems and expense to suppress the spirit both of inquiry 
and of liberty, as if the devil had come down in great 
wrath knowing that he hath but a little time before he must 
be bound " a thousand years*' — whether, common, pro- 
phetic, or apostolic, who can tell ? The command — 
"third and fourth generation"— " and shewing mercy 
unto thousands," involves the latter idea ! 

That we may possess the principle and spirit of that 
day, which is LOVE and RIGHTEOUSNESS, we 
must examine what ground we are upon ; and avoid all 
known sin; and even whatsoever we know or believe to 
be wrong. For it is the motive, in the sight of God, that 
constitutes the difference between vice and virtue. And 
on this ground the world can be judged in righteousness, 
and mankind, individually, rewarded according to the 
deeds done in the body. For all persons are under ob- 
ligation to act as they know how, agreeable to the best 
light they have, agreeable to their knowledge of good 
from evil ; as no just plea can be made to justify a man 
in doing wrong knowingly. He that knows his Master's 
will, and does it not, shall be t eaten with many stripes ; 
whereas, he that committed things worthy of stripes, and 
knew not his Master's will shall be beaten with few. 
Therefore this is the condemnation, that light is come 
into the world ; and men loved darkness rather than light 
because their deeds are evil in a moral point of view, i. e. 
their motives are bad ; and so wish to cloak them, any 
way, to keep them hid ! 

How many have T seen ruined in my travels, who 
had gone into voluntary exile, on account of some ACT 
of misdemeanor ; and others sorrowful for life ! 

O young man ! or young woman ! whatsoever you may 
be, that may read this— receive a word of advice from a 
friend. 

First, never to consent to give your approbation to a 
thing you know -to be dishonorable, or even think to be 
wrong. 

If 



206 



PARAPHRASE, &e. 



Secondly never rejoice at the calamities and misfor- 
tunes of others ; not knowing how soon there may be a 
reverse of fortune for the better or for the worse with you. 
Neither to be wounded and stumble at the misconduct of 
others, even should they be professors of religion. Study 
the path that you should go; and pursue it with all your 
might, that you may come out safe, and make it a happy 
landing* 

Guard against such company as would be dishonora- 
ble, and prove your ruin ! Also extravagance in dress, 
&c. lest you need what is wasted, by infidelity, to relieve 
hunger at a future time, as a kind of retribution. Set 
others the example of propriety — and have a mind of your 
own, so far as not to be as a nose of wax in the hand of 
another, or be led by apron strings, to vice and folly. 

Attend to private devotion from day to day, before God 
— that He may enlighten and keep you in the way yon 
should go. 

Be guarded against those nonsensical books, that not 
only corrupt the mind, but also squander time, which 
should be improved to use and advantage. 

Never slander things sacred, nor dissuade any from 
their seriousness ; but pay a suitable respect to your supe- 
riors, and a tender regard to your inferiors ; and in particu- 
lar be dutiful and respect your parents ; for this is the first 
commandment with promise. 

And O ye ministers of the Gospel, whom God hath 
moved upon by his good Spirit, to be witnesses for him— 
be faithful! Be holy. Keep clean hands and a pure 
heart ! Spend and be spent in the field of God, which is 
white and ready for harvest ! Sow the seed in the morn- 
ing, and in the evening withhold not thy hand ! For it is 
a work, a labor of love for eternity ; and involves the future 
state of man! The day of the Lord is at hand! When the 
Ploughman shall overtake the Reaper— denoting a plen- 
tiful crop indeed. Then it may and will be said, the har- 
vest is great, the laborers are few ; hence prayer is need- 
ful, that the Lord would send more laborers into the 
field! V . 

O ye young men, whose hearts are led to the work by 
a strong impulse and exercise of mind — keep near the 
throne of Grace! Don't out-run your guide ; nor linger so 
far behind as to lose sight thereof I 



PARAPHRASE, Ac. 



207 



The Way of duty is the only road to peace anxl safety; 
hence those who refrain their' feelings may feel as Jere- 
miah did— like fire shut up in your bones ; and feel weary 
of forbearing.— Yea, a woe if you preach not the Gospel. 

But look at the promise ! No man hath forsaken father, 
mother, brother, sister, houses or lands, wife or children, 
for my sake and the Gospel, hut shall have an hundred 
fold ; i. e. ten thousand per cent, in this present world, 
and life everlasting in the world to come ! And they that 
turn many to righteousness, shall shine as the stars for 
ever and ever! 

O my friends was there ever a work like this ? Which 
hath God for its author, and also for its reward ! Help ! 
O ye men of Israel and people of God ! Join as the heart 
of one man to lift up our hands by your incessant prayers, 
in Faith, that we may unitedly swell the solemn cry — 
" Thy Kingdom come, and thy Will be done on the 
Earth!" That the earth may revert to its sovereign and 
rightful owner— and the kingdom of this world become 
the kingdom of our God and of his Christ ! That the in- 
habitants may learn righteousness ! And may run to and 
fro, and knowledge be increased ! 

Let us remember the fallen state of man ! The king- 
dom coeval with the earth — the new way or door as a 
ladder for an avenue to obtain that kingdom. 

The new law \ the u Law of Faith," fitted to man's 
capacity. Which Act of believing will be excepted in 
lieu of works; and be "counted," yea, "accounted 
yes, "reckoned" and "imputed" to us for righteousness ! 

Sin is a transgression of the law ; and the transgression 
is man's own Act, a moral evil, which is imputed or 
reckoned to him for sin ; and without a pardon he must 
remain under the curse ! 

The act of submission to the Divine disposal involves 
the exercise of Faith, which is the reaction of the Soul 
on God, whose spirit is the first moving cause on the mind. 
Hence the mind may react by derotion, and gather 
strength ; and will possess a kind of miraculous power 
and heavenly virtue, and find the peace and joy of the 
kingdom, by virtue of the unction which ivitnesseth that 
we are born of God. 

O ye people of the world, who are strangers to God, 
17* 



I : 



PARAPHRASE, &e. 



and to the lesson of self knowledge ! Awake t Awake t 
Look around ! Consider on your latter end ! Be wise un- 
to salvation ! Make haste ! Fly ! Escape for thy life S 
Time is on the wing, and your moments are swiftly flying t 
How many blessings and happy days are already gone 
over, in which you might have had enjoyment, ana found 
peace and comfort to thy mind. 

O reader, now, now ! resolve to be for God I Break off 
from your sins at once ! Don't parley with the tempters 
no ! but try, by the Grace of God, to amend your ways ! 
now, this very day ! even now while reading, intention- 
ally set out I And if your foolish companions will sell 
their souls to Satan, and have the poor reward of hell 
fire, let them go : but do you be determined, if but two 
shall gain the Happy Land, that you will strive and try 
to be one. 

Many a good thing is undertaken, and falls through for 
the want of perseverance. Therefore, it is one thing to 
make a beginning, and another to hold out to the end, to 
receive the Crown of Life! 

But for your encouragement, remember, Christ died 
for SINNERS ! And by the grace of God he tasted death 
for every man! The blessings in the promises are for 
you ! Hence look for the full accomplishment of them in 
your heart. 

There is not an instance on record, where Jesus turned 
any away, while in the days of his flesh, who asked him 
for such favours as they needed, and was proper for him 
to give. 

The Apostles would have sent off the woman, saying, 
she crieth after us ! And so would the Pharisees have 
hushed the blind man, by calling him to order and to hold 
his peace. But they both persevered, and obtained their 
request. And so it will be with you who ask for what 



Limit not the Holy One of Israel ! View Zacheus 
climbing up the tree, a sinner, and coming down a saint. 
How great the change, which disposed him to acts of 
mercy and justice ! Three thousand on the day of Pente- 
cost. Five thousand believed at another time under one 
sermon of Peter. Look at the Thief on the Cross, who 
found mercy and went to Paradise in a day ! The Jailor 




PARAPHRASE, &c. 209 

with all his house were brought to rejoice in God in one 
night ! Saul was longer under distress of mind than any 
one else in all the New Testament recorded, yet that 
was not above three days and nights ! See what distress 
so as neither to eat, drink or sleep ! Yea, we are inform- 
ed when sixty-three thousand will be converted at a 
meeting ; and also a nation be born to God in a day ! 

If God be Love, and Love be the moving cause of 
Christ's coming into the world to save sinners — and this 
Love extends to every man ! Then may all accept of 
offered pardon, while Jehovah proclaims "I hare no plea- 
sure in the death of a sinner — turn ye, turn ye, for why 
will ye die !" Adieu. Amen. 



SPIRITUAL SONGS, 



SONG I. 

IN VlTATiON* 

1 Come ye sinners poor and needy, 
Weak and wounded, sick and sore* 
Jesus ready stands to save you, 
Full of pity, love, and power ; 

CHORUS. 

Turn to the Lord, and seek salvation^ 
Sound the praise of his dear name, 
Glory, honour, and salvation, 
Christ the Lord is come to reign* 

2 Now ye needy, come and Welcome, 
God^s free bounty glorify, 

True belief and true repentance, 
Ev'ry grace that brings you nigta 

Turn to the Lord, &c\ 

3 Let not conscience make you linger) 
Nor of fitness fondly dream ; 

All the fitness he requires, 
Is to feel your need of him. 

Turn to the Lord, &c* 

4 Come ye weary heavy laden, 
BruisM and mangled by the fall. 
If you tarry till you're better, 
You will never come at all. 

Turn to the Lord, <&Ci 

6 Agonizing in the garden 

Lo I your Saviour prostrate lies j 



SPIRITUAL SONGS. 

On the bloody tree behold him ! 
Hear him cry before he dies : 

Turn to the Lord, &c. 

6 Lo ! th' incarnate God ascending. 
Pleads the merits of his blood, 
Venture on him, venture freely : 
Let no other trust intrude. 

Turn to the Lord, &c. 

7 Saints and angels join'd in concert, 
Sing the praises of the Lamb ; 
While the blissful seats of heaven, 
Sweetly echo with his name. 

Turn to the Lord, &c. 



SONG It 

1 The Lord 5 s into his garden come, 
The spices yield a rich perfume, 

The lilies grow and thrive, 
Refreshing streams of grace divine, 
From Jesus flow, that living vine 

Which makes the dead revive. 

2 O that this dry and barren ground, 
With springs of water may be found 

And fruitful soil become ; 
The desart blooms, the Lord is come, 
To make his people join in one, 

And party zeal begone. 

3 That glorious day is rolling on, 
That gracious work is now begun, 

My soul a witness is : 
I taste and know that grace is free, 
And all mankind as well as me, 

May come to Christ and live* 



SPIRITUAL SONGS. 



4 The worst of sinners here may find, 
A Saviour pitiful and kind, 

Who will them all receive : 
None are too vile who will repent, 
Out of one sinner legions went, 

The Lord did him relieve. 

5 Tf sinners only knew their Lord, 

Or could but taste his gracious word, 

His sweet forgiving love ; 
They'd rush through storms of ev'ry kind, 
And leave all earthly cares behind, 

To gain a crown above. 

6 Come brethren dear who know the Lord, 
Wh© taste the sweets of Jesus' word, 

In Jesus' ways go on ; 
Our poverty and trials here 
Will only make us richer there, 

When we arrive at home c 

7 We feel that heav'n is now begun, 
It issues from the eternal throne, 

From Jesu's throne on high ; ^ 
It comes in floods we can't contain, 
We drink, and drink, and drink again, 

And yet we still are dry. 

8 But when to that bright world we come, 
And all surround the glorious throne, 

We'll drink a full supply ; 
Jesus will lead his ransom'd forth 
To living streams of richest worth, 

That never will run dry. 

9 O then we'll shine, ond shout and sing, 
And make the heavenly arches ring 

When all the saints get home ; 
Come on, come on my brethren dear, 
We soon shall meet together there, 

For Jesus bids us come. 



SPIRITUAL PONGS. 



10 Amen, amen, my soul replies, 
Pm bound to meet him in the skies, 

And claim a mansion there ; 
Now here's my heart and here's my hand, 
To meet you in the heav'nly land, 

"Where we shall part no more. 



SONG III. 

CAMP-MEETING FAREWELL. 

1 FAREWELL, farewell, fare you well 

My friends, I must be gone, 
I have no time to stay with you ; 

I'll take my staff and travel on, 
'Till I a better world can view, 

Farewell, farewell, fare you well f 
My loving friends, farewell. 

2 Farewell, farewell, fare you well 

My friends, time rolls along, 
Nor waits for mortals, care or bliss ; 

I leave here and travel on i 
'Till I arrive where Jesus is. 
Farewell, if c. 

2 Farewell, farewell, fare you well 
My brethren in the Lord, 
To you I'm bound with cords of love ; 

Yet we believe his gracious word, 
Ere long we shall meet above. 
Farewell, <£c. 

4 Farewell, farewell, fare you well 

Old Soldiers of the cross, 
You've struggi'd long and hard for heav r n 

You've counted all things else but loss, 
Fight on the crown will soon be given ; 

Fight on, fight on. fight on, 

The crown will soon be given* 



2H 



SPIRITUAL SONGS. 



5 Farewell, farewell, fare you well 

You blooming Sons of God, 
Sore conflicts yet remain for you ; 

Yet dauntless keep the heav'nly road, 
'Till Canaan's happy land you view. 
Farewell, $c. 

6 Farewell, farewell, fare you well 

Poor careless sinners too, 
It grieves my soul to leave you here ; 

Eternal vengeance waits for you, 
O ! turn and find salvation near $ 

O turn ! O turn ! O turn, 

And find salvation near. 



DOW'S FAMILY MEDICINE. 



This medicine has been found of general utility and 
efficacy in all those disorders called Bilious, and affections 
of the liver, exceeding common credibility — even in many 
cases wherein repeated courses of mercurials had been used 
in vain ! 

The dose of it may be from one tea spoonful mixed 
with sugar and water for an infant, to eight or ten tea 
spoonsful in a tumbler or half pint of cold or warm 
water for a grown person. In acute cases — the middling 
dose for an adult is two large table spoonsful in a tumbler 
or cup of water, every two or three hours, until it operates 
freely, and considerable relief is obtained ; and then at 
longer intervals. 

The general times of giving it in chronic diseases : or 
of long continuance, is three times a day, viz. morning, 
noon, and night, increasing or diminishing the dose so as 
to agree best with the constitution of the patient ; and to 
operate moderately from two to four times in the twenty- 
four hours for several days. 

In costive habits a corrective, and in dysentery a speedy 
relief has been obtained by many who have used it in 
New England. 

LORENZO DOW. 

New York, June 1, 1833. 

Sold by John Wilcox, Senr. Comb Maker, 86 Bowery. 



TO THE AFFLICTED. 



We, the Subscribers, having made a free use [in our 
own families) of 

LORENZO DOW'S (U S. Patent,) 

FAMILY MEDICINE, 

Do certify, That it is very gentle and sure in its opera- 
tion as a cathartic, and that it possesses a peculiar qua- 
lity to remove obstructions in the stomach and bowels, 
and in carrying off bad humours. And that it is well 
adapted to females in a debilitated or declining state, 
forasmuch as it does not weaken the patient, (although 
taken frequently,) but restores the stomach to a proper 
tone by assisting the digestion, and thereby exciting 
the appetite, &c. 

(Signed,) PETER GRIFFIN, > Ministers of 

DANIEL BURROUGHS, $ the Gospel. 

WM. C. BOON, 

JOSEPH BRIDGMAN, 

DAVID CHAPMAN, 

SAMUEL SHEPARD, 

JONATHAN PAGE. 
Hebron, Sept. 8th, 1819. 

I CERTIFY, That the subscribers to the within 
certificate of recommendation, are all respectable inhabi- 
tants of the town of Hebron. 

SYLVESTER GILBERT, Judge of County Court. 

Helwon, Sept 15th, 1819. 

£3- To be had " GENUINE," of George W. Hal- 
ler, High st. Georgetown, and Thomas Jacobs, King st. 
Alexandria, D. C. 




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